(no subject)
Autumn is for remembering, but Spring is for the excitement of the future. But sometimes even that excitement makes me reminisce.
One of the strange side effects of recovering is the resurgence of past emotional trauma come back to haunt me. Things I'd thought well processed and gotten over are now smacking me upside the head as if they'd happened yesterday. So this past month has been really interesting, and not in the best of ways. So I'm working through things the best that I can and allowing myself to indulge in any positive reminiscing as a reward. I'm almost tempted to reach out to people about misunderstandings in the past, to explain myself, explain how sick I was and didn't even know, but in the end that's not what's important. Forgiving myself is turning out to be the hardest part of getting better.
The recovery process has a lot of 'two steps forward, one step back'. In a way, it's a good thing. It helps me to process just how sick I really was, and still am, which in turn makes it a lot easier to begin forgiving myself. It also sucks because there are THINGS I want do be doing and just plain am not up to it. Although, it's amazing to know that I'm not doing the things I want to do because I'm sick, and not because I'm a lazy self-entitled selfish bitch who can't be bothered.
I'm blessed to have the most amazing and patient husband EVAR. He's been so supportive and wonderful through the whole thing, back even before we knew what was wrong, when we didn't think I was going to get better. Of course, he's beyond the moon to have his wife back. Or at least mostly back. ;)
In addition to the emotional onslaught, I've been really fatigued and dizzy lately. My Chrom arrived, and I've been dying to get him together. I managed to find some days to get some things squared away for him, and today I'm trying to get his seams of doom sanded out. I really want to give most of my dolls an overhaul, but that's just too big a project for me atm. When he's all kitted up I'll try and post photos.
I've been spending lots of time curled up with my kindle (thank you husband!) or watching netflix. I've been too tired even to play as much Star Wars: The Old Republic as I want to. (Side note: OMG BEST MMO EVAR. seriously, I'm not even that huge a SW fan, but the STORYLINES. Really, I love the game.)
The kindle is amazing, because it's so easy to read. The screen doesn't hurt my eyes at all like backlit things tend to, and it's so light that I can hold it all day without fatiguing out. This, coming from a person who used to get tired holding paperbacks. Also, I got a gorgeous leather cover for it, and it smells wonderful. Totally makes up for the lack of 'old book' smell. Weee. :D
Originally posted @ http://calliopeoracle.dreamwidth.org/4238.html
One of the strange side effects of recovering is the resurgence of past emotional trauma come back to haunt me. Things I'd thought well processed and gotten over are now smacking me upside the head as if they'd happened yesterday. So this past month has been really interesting, and not in the best of ways. So I'm working through things the best that I can and allowing myself to indulge in any positive reminiscing as a reward. I'm almost tempted to reach out to people about misunderstandings in the past, to explain myself, explain how sick I was and didn't even know, but in the end that's not what's important. Forgiving myself is turning out to be the hardest part of getting better.
The recovery process has a lot of 'two steps forward, one step back'. In a way, it's a good thing. It helps me to process just how sick I really was, and still am, which in turn makes it a lot easier to begin forgiving myself. It also sucks because there are THINGS I want do be doing and just plain am not up to it. Although, it's amazing to know that I'm not doing the things I want to do because I'm sick, and not because I'm a lazy self-entitled selfish bitch who can't be bothered.
I'm blessed to have the most amazing and patient husband EVAR. He's been so supportive and wonderful through the whole thing, back even before we knew what was wrong, when we didn't think I was going to get better. Of course, he's beyond the moon to have his wife back. Or at least mostly back. ;)
In addition to the emotional onslaught, I've been really fatigued and dizzy lately. My Chrom arrived, and I've been dying to get him together. I managed to find some days to get some things squared away for him, and today I'm trying to get his seams of doom sanded out. I really want to give most of my dolls an overhaul, but that's just too big a project for me atm. When he's all kitted up I'll try and post photos.
I've been spending lots of time curled up with my kindle (thank you husband!) or watching netflix. I've been too tired even to play as much Star Wars: The Old Republic as I want to. (Side note: OMG BEST MMO EVAR. seriously, I'm not even that huge a SW fan, but the STORYLINES. Really, I love the game.)
The kindle is amazing, because it's so easy to read. The screen doesn't hurt my eyes at all like backlit things tend to, and it's so light that I can hold it all day without fatiguing out. This, coming from a person who used to get tired holding paperbacks. Also, I got a gorgeous leather cover for it, and it smells wonderful. Totally makes up for the lack of 'old book' smell. Weee. :D
Originally posted @ http://calliopeoracle.dreamwidth.org/4238.html