I too have done things that I regretted - at least once because I was concerned they wouldn't take "no" for an answer, but I never called it rape since I never actually said or communicated "no" and it was my choice to go along with it at the time (for various reasons and I'd do the same thing again).
And honestly I felt like taking control of a situation and choosing to do something, even something I may or do regret, is better than feeling like I had no choice in what was done to me or casting myself as a victim afterwards.
So I'm with you. It's one thing to say "no" and be ignored, but if you don't say anything and then regret it later, I call that "buyer's remorse" and it is the reason I flat-out refused to help at least one person press charges in college on the grounds that the guy had NO IDEA she didn't want to do it and waking up the next morning and thinking "why did I do that with him last night?" is not grounds for ruining someone's life.
Kink is complicated. There is a lot of trust that is needed. Subs need to trust that their Doms have their best interests at heart; But Doms need to be able to trust that their Subs know themselves and own their sh*t. If a Sub says "I f*cked up, that is not what I wanted, never again" then the Dom must respect that going forward; But if the Sub says nothing all before of during, it is unfair to ask the Dom to be psychic or to blame them retroactively for not guessing.
(Ok, I stop babbling as it is your post. But hugs your way).
I too have done things that I regretted - at least once because I was concerned they wouldn't take "no" for an answer, but I never called it rape since I never actually said or communicated "no" and it was my choice to go along with it at the time (for various reasons and I'd do the same thing again).
And honestly I felt like taking control of a situation and choosing to do something, even something I may or do regret, is better than feeling like I had no choice in what was done to me or casting myself as a victim afterwards.
So I'm with you. It's one thing to say "no" and be ignored, but if you don't say anything and then regret it later, I call that "buyer's remorse" and it is the reason I flat-out refused to help at least one person press charges in college on the grounds that the guy had NO IDEA she didn't want to do it and waking up the next morning and thinking "why did I do that with him last night?" is not grounds for ruining someone's life.
Kink is complicated. There is a lot of trust that is needed. Subs need to trust that their Doms have their best interests at heart; But Doms need to be able to trust that their Subs know themselves and own their sh*t. If a Sub says "I f*cked up, that is not what I wanted, never again" then the Dom must respect that going forward; But if the Sub says nothing all before of during, it is unfair to ask the Dom to be psychic or to blame them retroactively for not guessing.
(Ok, I stop babbling as it is your post. But hugs your way).
Reply
Leave a comment