boo
I think my mind is somewhere else right now that I am not focused at work or maybe this is plain boredom and apathy. I had experienced so many changes in my life that I hardly recognized myself anymore and wondered what I have become.
You know how life gives you trials to test how strong you are? Well each day has become a chore and sometimes I wanted to end it all. But I think of my cats and the people who care about me and ended up continuing on.
My job has taken a turn for the worse. In order to cut costs, the upper management decided in reducing our salaries and based it on a production level. How much you produce is how much yopu get paid. That reduced my salary drastically. So my plan is to complete my tenure here for a year (I got one month left anyway) and then resign.
I also resigned myself that I will remain single for the rest of my life. My best friend recently got married and I was their best maid of honor (I stood as her maid of honor and her husband's best man). I'm very happy for them, really I am but as I got to know myself better, I'm too scared to give my individuality and space to a man who may not respect that. I'm too picky, preferring foreign men over my own. And don't get me started on sex...I'm not a horny teenager anymore and while I am still a virgin, I have no intention of hopping from one man to another.
So...
I will go back to the things that made me happy before and one of them is writing. I've been extremely rusty so I'm going back to reading fanfictions and my own works. I have no intention of driving away my muse after all the times I've been putting off writing.