Mommy
Title: Mommy
Authors: arwen_lalaith, inward_audacity
Category: Family/Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy
Rating: FRT
Characters: Derek Morgan
Summary: Tag to Lauren. The one thing she'd wanted her whole life - to be a mother - had finally happened. And she wasn't even here to love her daughter.
Morgan paced the waiting room, anxiety building in his chest with each passing minute. “Why haven’t we heard anything?” he demanded of the rest of the team. “Why is no one out looking for Doyle?”
No one answered and he didn’t expect them too. They were mostly rhetorical anyway, since he couldn’t address the object of his anger directly.
He’d already thoroughly interrogated every nurse, doctor, and orderly who had been unfortunate enough to cross his path. None of them could or would report on her status when all he wanted was some small sign that she hadn’t let go yet.
She’d asked him to let her go as she lay on the floor of the warehouse, bleeding - her grip on his hands was already limp and clammy, her voice already faint and broken, the light in her eyes already fading - she had looked straight into his eyes and begged him to let her die. But he wasn’t going to let her do that, she was his wife, his whole world, his reason for living, and with his last dying breath, he would never let her go.
Garcia pushed him back into a seat to stop his restless fidgeting and for lack of another outlet for his nervous energy, he twirled his wedding band around his finger.
A nurse in scrubs emerged from the doors separating them from the operating rooms. “Is the father of Agent Prentiss’ twins here?”
Morgan didn’t realize she was speaking to him until Garcia elbowed him in the ribs. “I’m the father,” he said - and it sounded as if he’d shouted in the heavy silence of the waiting room.
The nurse led him down the hall to the NICU and instructed him to scrub up, then showed him to the furthest incubator where a tiny infant lay, hooked up to every machine imaginable. Her skin was pale and wrinkled, barely an ounce of fat filling out her small frame. Her eyes were covered to protect the sensitive retinas and her thin lips were puckered beneath the feeding tube leading out of her nostril. She already had a thick tuft of black hair spilling out from under a knit cap.
“Wh-where’s the other one?” he asked, his gaze never leaving the girl.
The nurse called over the doctor and he felt his heart rise in his chest. He knew when he’d seen the table leg protruding from Emily’s abdomen that they would have to do an emergency c-section, despite the fact that the babies were still several weeks premature and there was a chance they wouldn’t make it...but Emily’s OB/GYN had assured them that the twins could come naturally as much as a month early without cause for concern.
“Agent Morgan...” the doctor said quietly, “When the wooden stake pierced your wife’s abdomen, it severed the umbilical cord connecting the left twin to the placenta. That prevented her from receiving any oxygenated blood flow - since she couldn’t receive oxygen by any other means, she would have suffocated within four minutes.”
“So, she’s...” Morgan started to say, feeling like he was the one who had been stabbed.
“I’m sorry,” the doctor said, resting a hand on his shoulder, “She didn’t suffer or feel any pain.”
Morgan looked down at the pale infant as the doctor left him with his thoughts. “You’re all I have in the world, princess,” he whispered, “My little Arwen Emily...”
******
Morgan stood over his wife’s grave, slowly running his fingers over the words - her name, followed by three words...three mere words that were supposed to sum her up. How could three words encapsulate an entire person, especially one such as Emily Prentiss?
“It’s not fair to me, you know... It’s not fair! You never gave me a chance!” he said angrily, not caring that there was no one to hear.
“Fair?” he imagined her retorting, “You’re mad at me because it’s not fair? What part of it do you think was fair to me!?”
“If you had trusted me, I would have protected you! I would have given everything to keep you safe, but you chose to run away! Why did you marry me if you never trusted me!?”
He knew that wasn’t really fair to her... “That isn’t true and you know it! I was protecting you! You saw what he was capable of!”
He shook his head, letting a few tears escape. “You never trusted me. You didn’t think we could track him down, you didn’t believe that I could have kept you safe. Things could be different if you didn’t run away - you’d still be alive, Kylie would still be alive... How could you be so cruel?”
“I didn’t plan on any of this happening! You think I wanted to lose my daughter!?” Except that she never got to know her daughters...she was already gone.
“It’s all my fault...” He fell to his knees, crying freely now. “If I had found you sooner, I could have saved you...”
“None of what happened was your fault. You need to remember that, Arwen needs you to be strong.”
“I can’t do this on my own, baby,” he whispered, “I need you. You promised that we’ll be together for a long time... I need you, Emily.”
“I meant everything I promised you - and you know that we’re still together, no matter what,” she would’ve insisted.
“I just wish you could come home... I just want you back - is that too much to ask for? You promised to grow old with me...you can’t break your promise.” There was a gurgling sound that he’d come to know meant Arwen was fussy, not yet in screaming mode. “You never even gave me a chance to say goodbye...I couldn’t even see you one last time. How am I supposed to do this on my own, Emily? I can’t take care of Arwen by myself. I’m not strong enough...”
But he knew that she hadn’t had a choice...and neither did he. Arwen needed a daddy and he was the only one she had.
“I miss you so much, Emily. I love you so much and I never got to tell you that. I never got to tell you how much you mean to me...I love you so much.”
He moved to lift the fussy baby out of her stroller, whispering to her to say hello to her mommy...of course, all she was capable of was letting out a long string of drool to sink into the still fresh earth.
Wiping away a few straggling tears, Morgan sighed sadly. “I love you, Emily, I always have and I always will. Don’t worry about me - I’ll take care of Arwen and we’ll come to see you whenever we can. I’ll never forget you, Emily. No matter what happens, you’ll always be my wife, Arwen’s Mommy, and the love of my life.”
Authors: arwen_lalaith, inward_audacity
Category: Family/Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy
Rating: FRT
Characters: Derek Morgan
Summary: Tag to Lauren. The one thing she'd wanted her whole life - to be a mother - had finally happened. And she wasn't even here to love her daughter.
Morgan paced the waiting room, anxiety building in his chest with each passing minute. “Why haven’t we heard anything?” he demanded of the rest of the team. “Why is no one out looking for Doyle?”
No one answered and he didn’t expect them too. They were mostly rhetorical anyway, since he couldn’t address the object of his anger directly.
He’d already thoroughly interrogated every nurse, doctor, and orderly who had been unfortunate enough to cross his path. None of them could or would report on her status when all he wanted was some small sign that she hadn’t let go yet.
She’d asked him to let her go as she lay on the floor of the warehouse, bleeding - her grip on his hands was already limp and clammy, her voice already faint and broken, the light in her eyes already fading - she had looked straight into his eyes and begged him to let her die. But he wasn’t going to let her do that, she was his wife, his whole world, his reason for living, and with his last dying breath, he would never let her go.
Garcia pushed him back into a seat to stop his restless fidgeting and for lack of another outlet for his nervous energy, he twirled his wedding band around his finger.
A nurse in scrubs emerged from the doors separating them from the operating rooms. “Is the father of Agent Prentiss’ twins here?”
Morgan didn’t realize she was speaking to him until Garcia elbowed him in the ribs. “I’m the father,” he said - and it sounded as if he’d shouted in the heavy silence of the waiting room.
The nurse led him down the hall to the NICU and instructed him to scrub up, then showed him to the furthest incubator where a tiny infant lay, hooked up to every machine imaginable. Her skin was pale and wrinkled, barely an ounce of fat filling out her small frame. Her eyes were covered to protect the sensitive retinas and her thin lips were puckered beneath the feeding tube leading out of her nostril. She already had a thick tuft of black hair spilling out from under a knit cap.
“Wh-where’s the other one?” he asked, his gaze never leaving the girl.
The nurse called over the doctor and he felt his heart rise in his chest. He knew when he’d seen the table leg protruding from Emily’s abdomen that they would have to do an emergency c-section, despite the fact that the babies were still several weeks premature and there was a chance they wouldn’t make it...but Emily’s OB/GYN had assured them that the twins could come naturally as much as a month early without cause for concern.
“Agent Morgan...” the doctor said quietly, “When the wooden stake pierced your wife’s abdomen, it severed the umbilical cord connecting the left twin to the placenta. That prevented her from receiving any oxygenated blood flow - since she couldn’t receive oxygen by any other means, she would have suffocated within four minutes.”
“So, she’s...” Morgan started to say, feeling like he was the one who had been stabbed.
“I’m sorry,” the doctor said, resting a hand on his shoulder, “She didn’t suffer or feel any pain.”
Morgan looked down at the pale infant as the doctor left him with his thoughts. “You’re all I have in the world, princess,” he whispered, “My little Arwen Emily...”
******
Morgan stood over his wife’s grave, slowly running his fingers over the words - her name, followed by three words...three mere words that were supposed to sum her up. How could three words encapsulate an entire person, especially one such as Emily Prentiss?
“It’s not fair to me, you know... It’s not fair! You never gave me a chance!” he said angrily, not caring that there was no one to hear.
“Fair?” he imagined her retorting, “You’re mad at me because it’s not fair? What part of it do you think was fair to me!?”
“If you had trusted me, I would have protected you! I would have given everything to keep you safe, but you chose to run away! Why did you marry me if you never trusted me!?”
He knew that wasn’t really fair to her... “That isn’t true and you know it! I was protecting you! You saw what he was capable of!”
He shook his head, letting a few tears escape. “You never trusted me. You didn’t think we could track him down, you didn’t believe that I could have kept you safe. Things could be different if you didn’t run away - you’d still be alive, Kylie would still be alive... How could you be so cruel?”
“I didn’t plan on any of this happening! You think I wanted to lose my daughter!?” Except that she never got to know her daughters...she was already gone.
“It’s all my fault...” He fell to his knees, crying freely now. “If I had found you sooner, I could have saved you...”
“None of what happened was your fault. You need to remember that, Arwen needs you to be strong.”
“I can’t do this on my own, baby,” he whispered, “I need you. You promised that we’ll be together for a long time... I need you, Emily.”
“I meant everything I promised you - and you know that we’re still together, no matter what,” she would’ve insisted.
“I just wish you could come home... I just want you back - is that too much to ask for? You promised to grow old with me...you can’t break your promise.” There was a gurgling sound that he’d come to know meant Arwen was fussy, not yet in screaming mode. “You never even gave me a chance to say goodbye...I couldn’t even see you one last time. How am I supposed to do this on my own, Emily? I can’t take care of Arwen by myself. I’m not strong enough...”
But he knew that she hadn’t had a choice...and neither did he. Arwen needed a daddy and he was the only one she had.
“I miss you so much, Emily. I love you so much and I never got to tell you that. I never got to tell you how much you mean to me...I love you so much.”
He moved to lift the fussy baby out of her stroller, whispering to her to say hello to her mommy...of course, all she was capable of was letting out a long string of drool to sink into the still fresh earth.
Wiping away a few straggling tears, Morgan sighed sadly. “I love you, Emily, I always have and I always will. Don’t worry about me - I’ll take care of Arwen and we’ll come to see you whenever we can. I’ll never forget you, Emily. No matter what happens, you’ll always be my wife, Arwen’s Mommy, and the love of my life.”