goodnight and go
i think that now that my life is more or less fixed. i can find it in me to write again. for a while, things were just up and down and everywhere that documenting it all was just too daunting a task. now i've found my footing and i'm "stable" enough to write properly. well, more or less.
things used to come out so fluidly... and i really have a hard time finding that writing groove again. i don't know when i lost it... but i think it'll come back sooner or later. maybe when i get used to blogging again.
so.. today's issue... all about blasts from the past. started to look back at old journal entries as well... don't ask me what spurred this sudden desire to reconnect with the past. i honestly don't know. it could be the gloomy weather plus my pms.
i've been struggling lately... with him. oh i love him, i do, as much as ever. that isn't the issue. it's just.. we're in different parts of our lives. my experience here - adapting to a new environment and lifestyle after uprooting myself from everything i knew - has changed me so much. it just... made me grow up SO fast. and i think some of my friends are starting to find it odd that i keep complaining about being old. but really... i feel like i've aged 5 years in the 4 months i've been here. that's not a bad thing, mind you. i think it's really fantastic that i got to do this... and that i've gained and i'm continuing to gain so much out of it. the difficulty is that he is still home, still in his familiar environment and nothing has changed. we've been on different pages for a while... but now... we're in different chapters. and it's become much harder to reconcile the two.
when he's there... it's like everything's wonderful again, and nothing else matters. but other times... when i face... well, life. i feel so alone.
so i've been praying about it... and recently just found this place of calmness and peace. decided that i'd just entrust the matter to God.
then today... i came across old photos of him... and old blog entries about him... and everything just came flooding back. i remembered every little thing that i loved about him... that after 4 years just became part of daily life. i remembered how it felt... when i first fell in love with him... and i remembered every time i fell in love with him again after that... i remembered the things that hold us together... our hopes and our dreams...
and despite the challenge we're currently facing... at the end of the day... it's still him and me.
home is where the heart is... migs IS my home.
things used to come out so fluidly... and i really have a hard time finding that writing groove again. i don't know when i lost it... but i think it'll come back sooner or later. maybe when i get used to blogging again.
so.. today's issue... all about blasts from the past. started to look back at old journal entries as well... don't ask me what spurred this sudden desire to reconnect with the past. i honestly don't know. it could be the gloomy weather plus my pms.
i've been struggling lately... with him. oh i love him, i do, as much as ever. that isn't the issue. it's just.. we're in different parts of our lives. my experience here - adapting to a new environment and lifestyle after uprooting myself from everything i knew - has changed me so much. it just... made me grow up SO fast. and i think some of my friends are starting to find it odd that i keep complaining about being old. but really... i feel like i've aged 5 years in the 4 months i've been here. that's not a bad thing, mind you. i think it's really fantastic that i got to do this... and that i've gained and i'm continuing to gain so much out of it. the difficulty is that he is still home, still in his familiar environment and nothing has changed. we've been on different pages for a while... but now... we're in different chapters. and it's become much harder to reconcile the two.
when he's there... it's like everything's wonderful again, and nothing else matters. but other times... when i face... well, life. i feel so alone.
so i've been praying about it... and recently just found this place of calmness and peace. decided that i'd just entrust the matter to God.
then today... i came across old photos of him... and old blog entries about him... and everything just came flooding back. i remembered every little thing that i loved about him... that after 4 years just became part of daily life. i remembered how it felt... when i first fell in love with him... and i remembered every time i fell in love with him again after that... i remembered the things that hold us together... our hopes and our dreams...
and despite the challenge we're currently facing... at the end of the day... it's still him and me.
home is where the heart is... migs IS my home.