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Yo college essay all up in your grill. Lemme know what you think...if you care that is. And please dont waste time correcting grammar or spelling or anything of that nature because frankly...i dont care. This is going to like Sarah Lawrence and Beloit and im hoping to go for creative writing (creative being a key word) so i'd like to think they can
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Nice essay! I really like your topic. It seems like this Randy character has really impacted your views on life and the world. It is tremendous that you have such a lasting and memorable experience to draw on to show your great level of understanding of the world around you!
While I really enjoyed the story you told about Randy, I do have one suggestion. While reading your essay, I got a great picture of Randy as a person and of his values and morality. I would have liked to get a picture of Randy in my head though. Perhaps you could describe a few more of Randy's physical traits. How tall was he? What color was his hair? How did he dress? Was there anything else memorable about his image that you could tie into his lifestyle??
You might even be able to use something about him as a metaphor to link the entire paper. Take...his knees. You could use his bad knees as an extended metaphor. Something like his bad knees being able to bear more weight than the knees of a careless person who is completely healthy.
My favorite part is your opening. It reminds me of a practice essay I read back when I was a youngster (one full year ago) only in reverse order. I like how you showed that some of the many things people feel are necessary for a good life do not have to be.
This is a great essay. I'm positive it won't be thrown in the “Essays For Future Use As Butts Of Jokes” pile. Great job and good luck with your college search!
Prof. Pfitzer
How'd you like my teacher-ish letter?!? Complete with suggestions which likely make no sense...it's late right now. Anyway, this looks like an extremely solid essay to me. It should do the job just fine. Where are you applying??? Tufts???
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