Who Knew I'd Actually Have a Weekend?
So after work on the 10th, I ended up rushing over to Vic's place, and he and I spent basically the next couple days together. Most of it was pretty heavenly, we got weed and went to give edibles to Shannon and Namiq, then we went to watch Casablanca with Matt and Amanda, and we also went to IKEA and I got those good organizing things. Most of the time I was having so much damn fun. Potentially too much fun because I forgot about all my responsibilities. Which is necessary every once in a while, I suppose.
Funnily, though, as the fun of the weekend was happening, more and more tension built in Victor, leading to a bit of tension between Vic and I. Specifically I know that Vic got annoyed with Matt and Amanda and how they kind of stopped his momentum with things. Like how he wanted to go to Gossip Grill and they wanted to go to Blind Lady, and Matt was like, "Aren't you a little uncomfortable being there?" Of course he wasn't because we had been there beforehand and we were having a good time before going to Casablanca. We gayed it up very proper.
I contributed, too. With Matt and Amanda, specifically, we asked him to go get the curry ketchup because we didn't want to talk to random people (Amanda and I definitely both have anxiety issues and mine were compounded by the fact that I didn't bring my meds). He felt like he was having to set me up and he got upset that I wouldn't do things that I'm able to do. Which makes sense because I really lean on him for acts of service in those kinds of cases.
After IKEA we had a whole fight about my insecurities and how they're affecting him. I was mad that he was pushing me into things that I didn't want to do, like asking me to talk to strangers (which he did at Gossip Grill, too). I know he was probably seeing himself as a wingman and I was getting upset because I didn't want to, we had a spat about how I was being superficial because I wouldn't talk to people who are prettier because he asked me to take a string off of a girl's jacket. That was an odd incident because it was a compounding of issues. He asked me to do something for him, I didn't do it because it involved talking to a pretty stranger, and a stranger in general and because we had talked about how I can't talk to women in general I said it was because she was pretty and he berated me for being superficial which isn't nice at all??? And then I eventually broke down crying.
I revealed how I feel inferior to him in some ways, how I'm self-conscious and how it makes it harder to move through the world. And I mean, once again. I had had been off my meds for two days. But are those issues alright to have? Were they only bubbling up because of the lack of medication? Or are they deep-seeded issues that need to be addressed?
Anyway. IKEA broke us, just like it eventually breaks every couple.
Good thing Victor and I have very good practice with building each other back up again.