Knowing Arizona 6/?
Title: Knowing Arizona
Author: arizona_foreva
Rating: M
Pairing: callie/erica arizona/other
Summary: Erica's sister comes to town
Disclaimer:. All belongs to ABC and Shonda.
Author’s Note: Please read and review
I searched the hospital looking for my girlfriend, and came up empty. She wasn’t answering her phone or her pager, which only concerned me more. I was about to take off to check her apartment when I saw her. For some odd reason, I felt compelled to check a supply closet, and that’s where I saw her, huddled in the corner crying.
“Dimples?” I whispered, crouching down in front of her. She just sobbed louder. “Oh baby,” I said as I took her into my arms. She fell against me, her whole body shaking from her gut-wrenching wails. I felt my own tears fall as I held her against me. After a while she settled a little, her sobs reducing to sniffles. I twisted our bodies so we were sitting more comfortably on the cold tiled floor, which was the least of my worries.
“Sh..she’s g..g..gone,” Arizona hiccupped.
“I’m so sorry baby,” I whispered into her hair, my arms tightening their hold on her.
“I d..didn’t get to s..s..say good...goodbye,” she said, “th..they didn’t t..t..t..tell me.” ‘They’ were her father and brother, who disowned her when she came out to them. Her mother was the only one who still loved her and accepted her. “I c..can’t g..go to the f..funeral they s..said.”
“Like hell you can’t,” I said a little too angrily, “we’re going. She was your mother. You have just as much right to be there as anybody.”
“Will y..you come w..with me?” she looked up at me with those sad blue eyes. I kissed her forehead.
“Of course baby, I will be right by your side. Come on, let’s get you home so you can take a bath. I will talk to the chief and organise some time off for both of us,” I helped her up and led her out. Erica and Callie were both standing outside at the nurses’ station, as was the chief. I motioned for Erica and Callie to grab Arizona while I went to talk to Dr Webber. He understood and said we could have a couple of weeks off, he’ll get a paediatric surgeon from Mercy General to fill in for us.
“How are you holding up baby sis?” Erica asked me as she sat next to me on the couch where I was drinking a cold coffee. I had put Arizona to bed and she had fallen asleep right away.
“I’m ok, just hurting for Zona,” I said sadly.
“Poor darling,” Erica sighed, taking my hand in hers.
“Marie was such a wonderful lady, welcomed me into her life with open arms you know,” I smiled.
“Too bad that Ari’s father and brother are pig-headed.”
“Her other brother was supportive, the one that was in the army, but he died, and Ari was such a mess when that happened, and now losing her mother, I’m scared Ric, I’m scared this is going to break her,” I sobbed, leaning against my sister.
“She has you Jordy,” Erica whispered as Callie walked in quietly, handing us fresh coffees and sitting on the other side of me.
“I don’t know how to be strong for her Ricky, I don’t cope very well with loss,” my tears were stinging my eyes but I couldn’t wipe them away.
“You coped amazingly when Mum died,” Erica said.
“I was 12 Ric, and at the time I still had you, Ari doesn’t have any family left,” I pointed out.
“Sure she does, she has us, and Bailey and everyone else at work,” Callie said wiping my tears.
“What do you mean then, when you say you don’t cope well with loss?” Erica asked, searching my eyes for the answers.
“When you left me with Dad, when I lost you, I broke,” I admitted, looking down into my cup of coffee.
“How?” she whispered, gripping my hand tightly.
“How does any 13 year old break Ric?” I laughed, sniffling, “They cut, they take drugs, they run away, they become angry.”
“You did all of that?” Erica gasped.
“I was hospitalised four times in one month,” I said quietly.
“I had no idea,” Erica said guiltily.
“It wasn’t because you left me Ric, it was because of who you left me with,” I said as I heard Callie gasp putting the pieces together. Erica still seemed confused.
“I left you with Dad,” she shook her head still not getting the picture.
“You left me with Dad. A thirteen-year-old, blossoming girl with her drug addict and alcoholic father. I look like Mum Ric, and he thought I was her returning home to him,” I finally got it off my chest.
“I..I..” she stuttered as realisation dawned on her, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry Jordy, I’m so, so sorry.”
“What were you thinking?” I finally asked, my emotions too raw to care.
“I had no idea, when they told me abuse, I thought physical abuse, like hitting, I didn’t realise,” she was talking more to herself than me, “when they said foster care, I figured it would be ok, you were 15, they would help you more than I could. I wasn’t there for you, I didn’t protect you.”
“I blamed you for a long time,” I said, putting my coffee cup on the coffee table, “but I know you did what you had to do. You were twenty-four when you left me, working around the clock as a resident and I was in the way. I get that now, it just took me a long time to get there.”
“That’s no excuse for what you had to put up with Jordy, I was selfish, only worrying about my career instead of my family, and I am so sorry for what you had to go through. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself knowing that now,” Erica cried, her tears falling freely. I wiped at her tears and turned her face to look at me.
“Erica Hahn, you need to forgive yourself, because I forgive you. I forgave you the day that I saw you in the cafeteria. You may not have been there to save me, but through your career you have saved many, many people. You promise me you won’t beat yourself up about this?” I said sternly.
“Oh Jordy, you are too nice to have me as your sister,” she sobbed. I pulled her into my embrace, whispering into her ear.
“I am damn proud to call you my sister.”
I left Erica in Callie’s arms, heading in to check on Zona who was still fast asleep cuddling Max. Max looked up at me and then returned his head on my pillow.
“It’s ok mate, you can stay there and keep Mum company for a bit more,” I whispered to him, stroking him behind the ears. I grabbed the teddy that was sitting on my bedside table and took him out to Erica.
“Who’s that?” Callie smiled, knowing the answer before I said anything.
“This is my best friend, Buster.” Erica looked up at me and started laughing. I handed him to her and smiled.
“Hey Buster, look at you,” Erica smiled, hugging him close to her.
“I think you might need him for a while, just be sure he doesn’t tell you all my secrets though,” I smiled, kissing Erica on the top of her head before heading for my shower.
“Jordy, thank you. I love you,” Erica said through her tears.
“I love you too Ricky-Ticky,” I smiled as she blushed.
------------
Arizona withdrew into a shell the next few days and leaned heavily on me to do everything for her. I made sure she ate and showered, putting her through the motions of everyday living. She cried a lot and I was always there to hold her, never leaving her to go through this on her own. I made the phone calls to her mother’s best friend, Joy in regards to the funeral arrangements that had been made and Joy was going to pick us up from the airport and let us stay with her for the few days we were going to be there. Erica drove us to the airport and stayed with us until we boarded the flight.
“Who’s picking us up?” Arizona asked, one of the few things she had said since we arrived home after that night she heard of her mother’s death.
“Joy. We’re staying there for a few days, and Erin is arriving this afternoon too,” I smiled at the mention of Arizona’s childhood best friend.
“Erin’s coming?” Arizona said smiling a little.
“Yeah, Joy said that Erin couldn’t wait to see her ‘Moany-Zonie’,” I teased a little.
“’Evil-Erin’ is going to be in trouble for not keeping in touch with me,” she said, resting her head on my shoulder as the plane hit turbulence.
“Cute,” I said kissing the top of her forehead. She slept for the rest of the flight, and I only woke her once most of the passengers were already off the plane. She held my hand tightly as we stepped into the airport in Ohio. I saw Joy before she saw us, and pointed her out to Zona.
“Joy,” Arizona sobbed as we reached the older lady.
“Baby,” Joy opened her arms for Arizona to fall into.
“I’m just going to grab our bags,” I whispered to Joy, leaving them to spend a few minutes together.
The drive back to Joy’s was quiet, despite our many attempts of conversation. Arizona was just sobbing in the back seat as everything around her seemed to remind her of her mother. Once we reached Joy’s place, she had turned the sobs into sniffles and seemed to get herself together a little, even though I knew she was hurting heaps underneath. Joy lived across the road from where Arizona grew up, across the road from where her father and brother were. Joy and I ushered Arizona inside as quick as we could, not wanting to upset her further.
“No, I’ve got to go over there,” she said as we reached the front door.
“Not yet baby, later on when you’re feeling a little better,” I suggested.
“Feeling a little better? My mother just died Jordy, I’m not going to be feeling a little better a little later,” she said angrily before storming inside. The use of my shortened name was not lost on me, she only called me that when she was angry.
“I’m just going to go ring my sister and let her know we’ve arrived,” I smiled weakly at Joy.
“She’s hurting honey, take no notice,” Joy patted my shoulder and I just nodded, pulling out my cell phone and sitting on the front step.
“Hello?”
“Hey Cal, it’s me, we’re here, just thought I’d let you both know,” I said.
“How is she?” Callie asked as I heard Erica in the background.
“Hurting. I can handle it though,” I sighed.
“She’s taking it out on you?”
“Yeah, I was wondering how long it was going to be this time. She did the same after her brother died, it’s just not easy sometimes though,” I replied as I saw the front door of Arizona’s father’s house open.
“Be brave honey, Erica sends her love,” Callie said gently.
“Thanks darl, many kisses, bye,” I hung up the phone and watched as Arizona’s father stood on his front step staring at me with his arms crossed. I know this was probably not going to be the right thing to do, but right now, I didn’t care, so I got up and walked across the road.
Tbc.......