The Love of My Life (4 /?)
Chapter 4
“Callie!” I hear Arizona yell from behind the curtain. I barge past Daniel and whip the curtain back revealing my beautiful wife, so pale and fragile looking, hooked up to all of these monitors. Her mother is seated next to her, stroking her hand.
“I knew you’d come” Arizona whispers to me, almost smiling before she allows to tears she’s been holding in to fall freely. I rush over to her and pull her into my arms as she wails. Barbara reaches over and rubs my back gently as I console my wife who is crumbling to pieces in my arms.
“Baby I’m so sorry I’m late…the traffic…i…should have…” just then the doctor walks in. Barbara joins Daniel in the waiting room to give us some privacy.
The doctor introduces himself to me and explained he’s the GYN emergency fellow on call. He tells me that Arizona came in to the ER bleeding very heavily and almost incoherent. They ran a myriad of tests and unfortunately have confirmed that she has miscarried.
Her cries get louder as he continues.
“The pregnancy seems to have terminated on its own, so I don’t foresee having to go in and do a D&C, but I’d like to keep her overnight for observation to make sure.”
He leaves us to grieve the loss of our child. Everything goes silent. I can see her crying, I can feel her body shaking in my arms. Finally I can hear again.
“Callie…I’m sorry…I’m so sorry. I should have called you. I just knew how busy you are at work and didn’t want to bother you if it was nothing serious.”
I can feel my heart crumble when she says this. I’ve been so busy and neglectful to my wife-and in her weakest and probably scariest moment-she was thinking of me and not wanting to bother me. I am such an idiot.
Daniel and Barbara walk in, the sadness in their eyes as they’ve put together the scenario of what must have happened. Barbara engulfs Arizona in a tight hug and they just let one another cry. I get up from my seat on her bed to give them some privacy. I go to leave the room and walk blankly through the hospital doors. I bum a cigarette from a visitor outside and light up. I haven’t smoked in years, but right now….right now I know my wife wants a cigarette…and I want to join her.
Daniel comes outside and stands with me. At first eyeing the cigarette, but then ignores it figuring if there was ever a time for one-this was it.
“I made a lot of mistakes with my family, Callie.”
“Sir?” “I always let my job come before them. I was gone months, sometimes years, and when I was home it was constant preparation until I went away again. It was the life I chose, and I do not regret one moment of it. But my family struggled and it took me a long time to realize that. Arizona is the light of my life. She means everything to her mother and I.”
I look at him, not sure where this is coming from.
“My daughter calls me every day, Calliope. Every. Day. You are most certainly a good man in a storm who works hard to provide for her family and I respect that. I know you love her…but you need to straighten your priorities out. Like my daughter, I too protect the things I love.”
With that, he turns and walks back into the hospital. I stand there…stunned. Did Arizona’s dad really just threaten me…5 minutes after I found out my wife lost the baby?? Did that seriously just happen? Jesus, Arizona must have been talking to him about what’s been going on at home.
I head back into the hospital and head towards my wife’s room. Barbara is standing outside and as I approach she gives me a hug. “I’m so sorry sweetheart.” She offers. “Me too---we were going to tell you this weekend. We were so excited” I return, starting to feel the pain in my words I pull back. I need to be strong.
I walk into Arizona’s room and she’s laying there. I take Barbara’s seat next to her bed and bring my face down to hers. I hold her hands and kiss her forehead. She looks beautiful. She hasn’t lost that glow. Despite her being pale and looking like she’s going to throw up….she’s never looked more beautiful. We don’t say anything. I trace her face with my finger and she scoots closer to my chair. I stroke her hair with my free hand. She takes my other hand and leads it to her stomach, her now empty womb, and holds my palm over it-as if wanting me to fix it. I want to fix this all. I climb onto the bed with her, keeping one hand on her belly and the other wrapped around her. She eventually cries herself to sleep and I just hold her until her parents come in. They tell me they’re going to go back to the apartment and, knowing there was no way I was leaving my wife, offered to bring me a change of clothes. I told them I was ok, that my hospital was right across the street and could get something from my locker if I needed. I gave them the keys to my car and told them to make themselves at home and that I apologize for not being home with them. I then also ask them to get rid of the contents of the bag in the front seat, knowing Arizona couldn’t handle seeing baby stuff right now. Barbara gives me a kiss on my forehead and brushes the hair away from her daughter face. Daniel comes over and leans down a kiss to his daughters forehead and puts his hand on my shoulder briefly…silently apologizing for his timing earlier and wanting me to know he was sorry for our loss.
They leave us alone and I spend the rest of the night holding my wife…silently praying that the tiny coffins she sometimes dream of, don’t have new meaning for her