secret santa fanfiction for Insanityjones
Title: Say Goodbye To Troubles
Author: saoirsegirl
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When, as not at Christmas to take a last chance?
Disclaimer: Sadly I don’t own Grey's. This was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.
A/N: Merry Christmas!!!!!! And may this holiday bring you joy and happines!
Callie’s POV
It’s almost Christmas Eve. And I’m exhausted. Because I’m on a mission “Don’t Think About Arizona”. That’s why I’m working as much as possible and trying to cross my path with her as less as possible. My mission is almost successful. Almost, because after my long shifts I’m dead on my feet and because I bumped a couple of times in certain Ped’s surgeon. Well, it was awkward. To say at least. After her unexpected return and her heartbreaking speech I threw at her face that I slept with Mark. At first I thought it was some kind of revenge. To make her suffer. But after I said it and saw a surge of emotions in Arizona’s eyes, I didn’t feel relived. I really felt ashamed. So I started avoiding her. But, God, she’s so stubborn. And cornered me a couple of times and tried to talk. But… I played indifference. And it’s really hard. Because deep in my heart I heard her. I really did. And I almost forgave her… But my stupid pride doesn’t let me make some changes. So I’m living in a vicious circle: working - hiding - working - vegating in my apartment. Yeah, I finally got it back. But now it doesn’t look like an apartment, more like a battlefield. Unpacked boxes, dirty dishes, small piles of tissues. And I’m just moping around and ignoring outside world. Even Mark is not good company right now. And Christina is still not herself. To tell the truth after her pitiful attempt to give mea new haircut I’m afraid to be with her on my own. Another “scissor’s attack” my hair won’t survive. So this situation leaves me on my own. And now it’s Christmas Eve, so some take-out and tequila will be my friends tonight. I just need to get my things from the locker and I’m god to go.
When I opened my locker something fell on the floor. I picked it up and saw that it was an envelope. With only one word on it. “Calliope”. Only one person could write it. I was staring at it mere seconds, but it felt like hours. Finally I calmed my nerves and opened it. There was a letter. Honestly, I was scared and excited at the same time. But I couldn’t keep my eyes from it.
Dear Calliope,
I know that you’re avoiding me. So I don’t have a chance to say this looking in your eyes. That’s why I decided to write to you. In hope that you won’t throw it away. It won’t be a long letter, I promise.
First of all I want to say that I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry for floating in my perfect pink bubble, ignoring obvious. I’m sorry for not talking to you about my fears. And most of all I’m sorry for leaving you behind. It was cruel, I know. But I panicked. And made a huge mistake. Now I can say that it was the biggest mistake in my life. And I’m begging you for forgiveness.
Also I want you to know that I didn’t stop thinking about you even for a second. When y plane landed in Malawi I understood what leaving you behind truly meant. I left my heart in Seattle that day. So I came back. For you.
And you said about Mark. You know, after a long soul-searching I can understand you. I know that you don’t believe me right now, but I understand. But it doesn’t mean that I won’t hurt Mark. Joking. Well almost…
Now my biggest fear is that you’ll hate me. Please, don’t. I hate myself for both of us. And I couldn’t stand it if you’ll hate me.
It hurts to say, but I’ll understand if you want to move on. I want to ask you for something. Can I be at least your friend? Because I love you so much and I need you in my life. So, please, can you give me just a friendship? I’m lost in this life without you.
That’s all I wanted to say. At least to write. Merry Christmas, Calliope. You have my heart. Just don’t forget about it.
Yours,
Arizona.
I guess I fell in some kind of stupor. I realized it only when I saw dark stains on a paper. It was my tears. So, what I’m supposed to do now? It’s so confusing. My pride is telling me to throw this letter away and go on with my life. My heart is telling me to run to her, to take her in my arms and never let go. So? To stay on the safe side or to jump? I glanced at the letter one more time and suddenly all became very clear. I don’t need to make a choice. Because there’s no choice.
I ran out of the locker room like my feet was on fire.
Arizona’s POV
3 hours. For 3 hours straight I’m sitting in a dark hotel room and waiting for something to happen. Did she read my letter? Did she throw it away? I felt like a nervous wreck when I was sneaking in the locker room to leave my letter. Now I’m worrying even more. Why I wrote this damn letter? I never did something this spontaneous in my life! Calliope was right, I’m a moron. I’m feeling so out of control right now, but I can only sit and wait. Well, me and full box of doughnuts…
Callie’s POV
My first guess was Meredith’s. Maybe I’ll be lucky and Arizona will be partying with everybody else. When I arrived first person who opened the door was Christina. And from the look of it she consumed most of the alcohol in this house.
“Torres! Decided to join the land of the living?” she smirked “wanna something to drink?”
“Um… no. Did you see Arizona?”
“Do I look like Roller-girl’s babysitter?” I rolled my eyes. She’s impossible sometimes.
“No, you look like angry teddy-bear”
“Oh, your sarcasm broke my heart!” This is going nowhere.
“Ok. Is Teddy here?” Now Christina smiled. Like a maniac.
“Yep! And if you find her, can you convince her to play Truth and Dare? I think she is avoiding me.”
No wonder. Looking now at Yang I want to find a bottle of holly water. Or run. I guess option number two.
I found Teddy in the kitchen, making some weird drink. From the silly look on her face I guess she’s not far from Christina in drinking department.
“Hey, Teddy!”
“Oh, I didn’t think you’ll show up here tonight.”
“Well, it wasn’t planned. Do you know where is Arizona?” Yep, question of the day.
“It depends…”
“On what?”
“You want to yell at her or you want to reconcile with her?”
“I want to talk with her. But she’s not here and no one except you knows where I can find her, and she wrote me a letter, and I want to be with her, but it’s all so confusing! And…”
“Whoa! Calm down! She’s at Archfield. Room 302.”
I stayed rooted to the spot. I guess lack of the oxygen from my rambling did something to my brain.
“But, Teddy, I don’t know what to tell her… How to do this?”
“Um… you’re asking an advice from the person who married a guy to help him with the insurance? Not your best idea…”
“Urgh…” I think our stuff has serious drinking problems.
“Oh, come on! You love her, she loves you! Just tell her what you’re really thinking!” I guess Teddy wrong, she can be good at sensitive chats. “Just don’t make those crazy eyes when you ramble.”
Or not…
I didn’t know what to answer, and it was almost 11 pm, so I needed to hurry up. When I was almost out of the kitchen I remembered something.
“And Teddy, try to avoid Yang, I think she is trying to track you down”
* * * * *
I my haste to get to Archfield and break all speed laws I almost didn’t notice soft, almost magic glow of Christmas decorations, which were reflected from the white snow blanket that covered city during past couple of days. It was beautiful. When I almost got rid of my nerves I found myself right in front of the hotel. I didn’t give myself time to think and almost ran to the elevator. When I found the door with number 302 I panicked again. Ok, I need to breathe. In, out, in, out. Not working. But it’s too late to chicken out. I need to knock. My brain shut down one more time and instead of knocking I just opened the door. Sight that greeted me almost melted my heart: Arizona was sitting frozen on the bed with a ‘deer in a headlights’ look and half eaten doughnut in her hand.
“Umm… hi.” Wow, way to start a serious conversation.
Arizona didn’t even blink. I need to say something.
“How are you?” I’m just brilliant today.
She didn’t even move. Ok, another attempt.
“I’ve got your letter”
This sentence jolted her out of stupor. But she still had this almost scared look on her face.
“I came to talk” I took a deep breath. “First of all, I’m sorry for avoiding you. We needed to talk about all of this a couple a weeks ago. But I was hurt and angry and your unexpected return…”
“I know, Calliope, I know. And I’m sorry. But I couldn’t keep myself away from you. I… I need you. But I was afraid to call. And now I know that I screwed up so badly that I can’t see the light…” She swallowed. Hard. “Just tell me, is there any chance that… I could be at least your friend?”
God, never in two years I saw this Arizona Robbins so vulnerable and open. It took my breath away.
“You could be so much more than a friend, but…” her eyes shone with such hope.
“What ‘but’? Please, tell me…”
“I need to know what you are willing to do to be with me.” Her response was immediate.
“Anything. Everything.” Those two words lifted tremendous weight from my chest. I smiled.
“Tell me you would never leave me again”
“Never. I’ve done enough mistakes for this lifetime.”
“And if I want to buy with you a house?”
“I started looking at them a couple of months ago.”
“And if I want to marry you?”
“Very romantic way of proposing… but I’d say yes…” Hmm, she’s standing firm. I wonder…
“And if I say that after a house and marriage I want kids. Not in year or two but right after we settle.”
Her jaw actually hit the floor. I took a step forward.
“I… um… kids… ok, right after marriage…” She took a step forward.
“And a dog?” Another step.
“And chickens!” A little closer. We were almost nose to nose.
“No way! They’re messy.” I was barely holding back my laughter.
“And if I’ll agree for two kids?” And Arizona was already giggling.
“Maybe…”
“Maybe?!” with that we collapsed on the bed in hysterical laughter mix with tears of relief. I clutched to Arizona and held her tight. Life was finally getting right.
Arizona’s POV
After we finally calmed down I looked at Calliope. Truly looked for the first time since my arrival. She looked drained. She lost some weight. And she was crying. A lot. My heart painfully clenched at this realization. So I silently made a vow. I’ll do anything in my powers to make her happy. I’ll go to hell and back if I need to.
I lifted my hand and started to trace her face with my fingers. I missed her so much. I’m not going to let her out of my embrace for a while. Maybe another 50 years… She looked at me and smiled. I saw that her eyes were again shining. I couldn’t help myself and leaned to kiss her… Just as I was about…
“You know, that I’m not really serious about kids?” Of course My Calliope would find something to ramble about at such moment. “I mean, I’m…”
“Calliope…”
“…not in such a hurry to…”
“Calliope.” I need to stop her before she switches to Spanish.
“… have a baby. We’ll have some time to …” She doesn’t get it.
“Calliope!”
“What?”
“You know that I think it’s hot when you ramble?” She nodded. “But now, please, shut up and kiss me.”
And she did.
Author: saoirsegirl
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When, as not at Christmas to take a last chance?
Disclaimer: Sadly I don’t own Grey's. This was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended.
A/N: Merry Christmas!!!!!! And may this holiday bring you joy and happines!
Callie’s POV
It’s almost Christmas Eve. And I’m exhausted. Because I’m on a mission “Don’t Think About Arizona”. That’s why I’m working as much as possible and trying to cross my path with her as less as possible. My mission is almost successful. Almost, because after my long shifts I’m dead on my feet and because I bumped a couple of times in certain Ped’s surgeon. Well, it was awkward. To say at least. After her unexpected return and her heartbreaking speech I threw at her face that I slept with Mark. At first I thought it was some kind of revenge. To make her suffer. But after I said it and saw a surge of emotions in Arizona’s eyes, I didn’t feel relived. I really felt ashamed. So I started avoiding her. But, God, she’s so stubborn. And cornered me a couple of times and tried to talk. But… I played indifference. And it’s really hard. Because deep in my heart I heard her. I really did. And I almost forgave her… But my stupid pride doesn’t let me make some changes. So I’m living in a vicious circle: working - hiding - working - vegating in my apartment. Yeah, I finally got it back. But now it doesn’t look like an apartment, more like a battlefield. Unpacked boxes, dirty dishes, small piles of tissues. And I’m just moping around and ignoring outside world. Even Mark is not good company right now. And Christina is still not herself. To tell the truth after her pitiful attempt to give mea new haircut I’m afraid to be with her on my own. Another “scissor’s attack” my hair won’t survive. So this situation leaves me on my own. And now it’s Christmas Eve, so some take-out and tequila will be my friends tonight. I just need to get my things from the locker and I’m god to go.
When I opened my locker something fell on the floor. I picked it up and saw that it was an envelope. With only one word on it. “Calliope”. Only one person could write it. I was staring at it mere seconds, but it felt like hours. Finally I calmed my nerves and opened it. There was a letter. Honestly, I was scared and excited at the same time. But I couldn’t keep my eyes from it.
Dear Calliope,
I know that you’re avoiding me. So I don’t have a chance to say this looking in your eyes. That’s why I decided to write to you. In hope that you won’t throw it away. It won’t be a long letter, I promise.
First of all I want to say that I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry for floating in my perfect pink bubble, ignoring obvious. I’m sorry for not talking to you about my fears. And most of all I’m sorry for leaving you behind. It was cruel, I know. But I panicked. And made a huge mistake. Now I can say that it was the biggest mistake in my life. And I’m begging you for forgiveness.
Also I want you to know that I didn’t stop thinking about you even for a second. When y plane landed in Malawi I understood what leaving you behind truly meant. I left my heart in Seattle that day. So I came back. For you.
And you said about Mark. You know, after a long soul-searching I can understand you. I know that you don’t believe me right now, but I understand. But it doesn’t mean that I won’t hurt Mark. Joking. Well almost…
Now my biggest fear is that you’ll hate me. Please, don’t. I hate myself for both of us. And I couldn’t stand it if you’ll hate me.
It hurts to say, but I’ll understand if you want to move on. I want to ask you for something. Can I be at least your friend? Because I love you so much and I need you in my life. So, please, can you give me just a friendship? I’m lost in this life without you.
That’s all I wanted to say. At least to write. Merry Christmas, Calliope. You have my heart. Just don’t forget about it.
Yours,
Arizona.
I guess I fell in some kind of stupor. I realized it only when I saw dark stains on a paper. It was my tears. So, what I’m supposed to do now? It’s so confusing. My pride is telling me to throw this letter away and go on with my life. My heart is telling me to run to her, to take her in my arms and never let go. So? To stay on the safe side or to jump? I glanced at the letter one more time and suddenly all became very clear. I don’t need to make a choice. Because there’s no choice.
I ran out of the locker room like my feet was on fire.
Arizona’s POV
3 hours. For 3 hours straight I’m sitting in a dark hotel room and waiting for something to happen. Did she read my letter? Did she throw it away? I felt like a nervous wreck when I was sneaking in the locker room to leave my letter. Now I’m worrying even more. Why I wrote this damn letter? I never did something this spontaneous in my life! Calliope was right, I’m a moron. I’m feeling so out of control right now, but I can only sit and wait. Well, me and full box of doughnuts…
Callie’s POV
My first guess was Meredith’s. Maybe I’ll be lucky and Arizona will be partying with everybody else. When I arrived first person who opened the door was Christina. And from the look of it she consumed most of the alcohol in this house.
“Torres! Decided to join the land of the living?” she smirked “wanna something to drink?”
“Um… no. Did you see Arizona?”
“Do I look like Roller-girl’s babysitter?” I rolled my eyes. She’s impossible sometimes.
“No, you look like angry teddy-bear”
“Oh, your sarcasm broke my heart!” This is going nowhere.
“Ok. Is Teddy here?” Now Christina smiled. Like a maniac.
“Yep! And if you find her, can you convince her to play Truth and Dare? I think she is avoiding me.”
No wonder. Looking now at Yang I want to find a bottle of holly water. Or run. I guess option number two.
I found Teddy in the kitchen, making some weird drink. From the silly look on her face I guess she’s not far from Christina in drinking department.
“Hey, Teddy!”
“Oh, I didn’t think you’ll show up here tonight.”
“Well, it wasn’t planned. Do you know where is Arizona?” Yep, question of the day.
“It depends…”
“On what?”
“You want to yell at her or you want to reconcile with her?”
“I want to talk with her. But she’s not here and no one except you knows where I can find her, and she wrote me a letter, and I want to be with her, but it’s all so confusing! And…”
“Whoa! Calm down! She’s at Archfield. Room 302.”
I stayed rooted to the spot. I guess lack of the oxygen from my rambling did something to my brain.
“But, Teddy, I don’t know what to tell her… How to do this?”
“Um… you’re asking an advice from the person who married a guy to help him with the insurance? Not your best idea…”
“Urgh…” I think our stuff has serious drinking problems.
“Oh, come on! You love her, she loves you! Just tell her what you’re really thinking!” I guess Teddy wrong, she can be good at sensitive chats. “Just don’t make those crazy eyes when you ramble.”
Or not…
I didn’t know what to answer, and it was almost 11 pm, so I needed to hurry up. When I was almost out of the kitchen I remembered something.
“And Teddy, try to avoid Yang, I think she is trying to track you down”
* * * * *
I my haste to get to Archfield and break all speed laws I almost didn’t notice soft, almost magic glow of Christmas decorations, which were reflected from the white snow blanket that covered city during past couple of days. It was beautiful. When I almost got rid of my nerves I found myself right in front of the hotel. I didn’t give myself time to think and almost ran to the elevator. When I found the door with number 302 I panicked again. Ok, I need to breathe. In, out, in, out. Not working. But it’s too late to chicken out. I need to knock. My brain shut down one more time and instead of knocking I just opened the door. Sight that greeted me almost melted my heart: Arizona was sitting frozen on the bed with a ‘deer in a headlights’ look and half eaten doughnut in her hand.
“Umm… hi.” Wow, way to start a serious conversation.
Arizona didn’t even blink. I need to say something.
“How are you?” I’m just brilliant today.
She didn’t even move. Ok, another attempt.
“I’ve got your letter”
This sentence jolted her out of stupor. But she still had this almost scared look on her face.
“I came to talk” I took a deep breath. “First of all, I’m sorry for avoiding you. We needed to talk about all of this a couple a weeks ago. But I was hurt and angry and your unexpected return…”
“I know, Calliope, I know. And I’m sorry. But I couldn’t keep myself away from you. I… I need you. But I was afraid to call. And now I know that I screwed up so badly that I can’t see the light…” She swallowed. Hard. “Just tell me, is there any chance that… I could be at least your friend?”
God, never in two years I saw this Arizona Robbins so vulnerable and open. It took my breath away.
“You could be so much more than a friend, but…” her eyes shone with such hope.
“What ‘but’? Please, tell me…”
“I need to know what you are willing to do to be with me.” Her response was immediate.
“Anything. Everything.” Those two words lifted tremendous weight from my chest. I smiled.
“Tell me you would never leave me again”
“Never. I’ve done enough mistakes for this lifetime.”
“And if I want to buy with you a house?”
“I started looking at them a couple of months ago.”
“And if I want to marry you?”
“Very romantic way of proposing… but I’d say yes…” Hmm, she’s standing firm. I wonder…
“And if I say that after a house and marriage I want kids. Not in year or two but right after we settle.”
Her jaw actually hit the floor. I took a step forward.
“I… um… kids… ok, right after marriage…” She took a step forward.
“And a dog?” Another step.
“And chickens!” A little closer. We were almost nose to nose.
“No way! They’re messy.” I was barely holding back my laughter.
“And if I’ll agree for two kids?” And Arizona was already giggling.
“Maybe…”
“Maybe?!” with that we collapsed on the bed in hysterical laughter mix with tears of relief. I clutched to Arizona and held her tight. Life was finally getting right.
Arizona’s POV
After we finally calmed down I looked at Calliope. Truly looked for the first time since my arrival. She looked drained. She lost some weight. And she was crying. A lot. My heart painfully clenched at this realization. So I silently made a vow. I’ll do anything in my powers to make her happy. I’ll go to hell and back if I need to.
I lifted my hand and started to trace her face with my fingers. I missed her so much. I’m not going to let her out of my embrace for a while. Maybe another 50 years… She looked at me and smiled. I saw that her eyes were again shining. I couldn’t help myself and leaned to kiss her… Just as I was about…
“You know, that I’m not really serious about kids?” Of course My Calliope would find something to ramble about at such moment. “I mean, I’m…”
“Calliope…”
“…not in such a hurry to…”
“Calliope.” I need to stop her before she switches to Spanish.
“… have a baby. We’ll have some time to …” She doesn’t get it.
“Calliope!”
“What?”
“You know that I think it’s hot when you ramble?” She nodded. “But now, please, shut up and kiss me.”
And she did.