(no subject)
stjarna1984 and liberting_lust have seen (most of) this already and I think caught anyone I was missing (though I have actually added a person or two since they saw the list and updated a number of the entries, so they might want to take another look at it), but if you've any suggestions for other people who should be on here, please leave them in the comments!
The Idiot's Guide To Libsdom
There were four Libertines.
This is Peter:
He's a crack&smack head who writes lovely lyrics and has excellent taste in men. Usually. He decided to learn to play the guitar because he heard you're allowed to pseudo-snog your boyfriend anywhere in public just so long as it's across a microphone, and the Libertines were born.
This is Carl:
er, THIS is Carl:
He's Peter's first serious boyfriend and the love of his life, even if both like to pretend this isn't true. He and Peter are currently Separated, so they're both bumming other boys. He was once thought to be the smallest human being on the planet, but recently scientists have discovered a smaller breed of musician (See: Tom from the Enemy and the hobbits from the View).
This is John:
He wishes he were bumming Carl and is from a very posh background. He also fills the cheekbone quotient for whatever band he's in.
This is Gary:
He's the obligatory straight [DRUMMER].
When Carl and Pete separated, Carl got to keep Gary and Jawn ran away with this guy named Harmony, so Pete had to go find new boys to surround himself with.
This is Drew:
He's Peter's rebound boy from when he broke up with Carl. Pete still keeps him around because he's really fucking pretty.
This is Pat:
He's a semi-decent guitarist, but he was stealing Pete's limelight by being a fellow addict, so he got booted anyway.
This is Adam:
He's another pretty one and possibly a criminal mastermind. He bums Drew when Peter's not looking. Also, he's slowly turning into Carl.
This is Mik:
Pete realised that with Adam and Drew, he was the "ugly one" in the band and decided that just didn't fly, so he asked Mik to join them, thus restoring balance to his little universe.
Carl loves Gary dearly, but after Peter left, he found he missed the bumsecks something terrible, so he picked up a couple of other boys as well.
This is Stan:
He was Carl's first Peter replacement, but he's a bit of a hopeless idiot (even if he is enthusiastic and loveable like a puppy), so they had to get him a minder. He has no sense of direction or common sense, but it's okay because he's American.
This is Didz:
He was originally hired to distract Stan when Carl went off to bum Peter, but they quickly discovered he was very good at both cuddling and spitting liquid between his teeth at people, so they kept him.
Other notable people who don't warrant pictures because I don't have pictures of just them or I'm too lazy to up pictures of just them or whatever:
Tim is Carl's daddy figure who he occasionally bums because Carl Has Issues.
Wolfman is Pete's dealer. He's also Evil Incarnate (read: the one who broke up Pete and Carl in the first place).
Gemma was the obligatory girl, except Peter's the obligatory girl, so she had to go.
Steve is Peter's friend who's been the original singer of every band Peter's ever tried to have. Peter keeps asking him then a few weeks/months later realising that this means someone else gets most of the attention and kicking him out again.
Mr Razzcocks is the old dude who played drums for the Libertines until the boys realised having an old man in the band was hurting their chance with chicks so they did the PC thing and hired a fit black dude instead.
j.bo once took over bassist duties for the Libertines while John went into rehab for Carl addiction (it didn't work). He specifically was asked to join because Peter realised they needed an ugly one (because every real band and/or clique of teenage girls has an ugly one), but he was too ugly and hurting their chances with the chicks (and he was a cunt), so they gave him the boot.
Annalisa was what happened when God decided to grant Carl's wish for a way to screw himself and still be able to claim he's straight.
Lisa is a lovely girl who shagged the wrong Libertine and has been regretting that mistake for the past several years. She has excellent taste in bands, just not bandmembers, as is evident by the fact that this was not the first time she made this particular mistake (See: Oasis).
Kate is Peter's ex who fancies herself a musician. They worked for a long time because she thought being with a younger man would fool the modelling world into forgetting that she was ageing and he liked the fact that she could afford his drug habit, but they broke up when Peter realised she'd never be Carl and she realised the drugs actually make her look older.
Irina is another of Peter's exes. They got together because she looks like Carl and broke up because she wasn't Carl.
ALAN MCGEE IS THE MANAGER FOR CARLS CURRENT BAND WHO ARENT AS GOOD AS OASIS AND CERTAINLY NOT AS GOOD AS GLASVEGAS BUT AT LEAST THERE WILL BE SOME HALFWAY DECENT TUNES ON THIS NEXT ALBUM.MCGEE
Mick Jones was really happy to be working with the Libertines who sounded really good, boys, really good. Also, he apparently dances like a puppet.
The Idiot's Guide To Libsdom
There were four Libertines.
This is Peter:
He's a crack&smack head who writes lovely lyrics and has excellent taste in men. Usually. He decided to learn to play the guitar because he heard you're allowed to pseudo-snog your boyfriend anywhere in public just so long as it's across a microphone, and the Libertines were born.
This is Carl:
er, THIS is Carl:
He's Peter's first serious boyfriend and the love of his life, even if both like to pretend this isn't true. He and Peter are currently Separated, so they're both bumming other boys. He was once thought to be the smallest human being on the planet, but recently scientists have discovered a smaller breed of musician (See: Tom from the Enemy and the hobbits from the View).
This is John:
He wishes he were bumming Carl and is from a very posh background. He also fills the cheekbone quotient for whatever band he's in.
This is Gary:
He's the obligatory straight [DRUMMER].
When Carl and Pete separated, Carl got to keep Gary and Jawn ran away with this guy named Harmony, so Pete had to go find new boys to surround himself with.
This is Drew:
He's Peter's rebound boy from when he broke up with Carl. Pete still keeps him around because he's really fucking pretty.
This is Pat:
He's a semi-decent guitarist, but he was stealing Pete's limelight by being a fellow addict, so he got booted anyway.
This is Adam:
He's another pretty one and possibly a criminal mastermind. He bums Drew when Peter's not looking. Also, he's slowly turning into Carl.
This is Mik:
Pete realised that with Adam and Drew, he was the "ugly one" in the band and decided that just didn't fly, so he asked Mik to join them, thus restoring balance to his little universe.
Carl loves Gary dearly, but after Peter left, he found he missed the bumsecks something terrible, so he picked up a couple of other boys as well.
This is Stan:
He was Carl's first Peter replacement, but he's a bit of a hopeless idiot (even if he is enthusiastic and loveable like a puppy), so they had to get him a minder. He has no sense of direction or common sense, but it's okay because he's American.
This is Didz:
He was originally hired to distract Stan when Carl went off to bum Peter, but they quickly discovered he was very good at both cuddling and spitting liquid between his teeth at people, so they kept him.
Other notable people who don't warrant pictures because I don't have pictures of just them or I'm too lazy to up pictures of just them or whatever:
Tim is Carl's daddy figure who he occasionally bums because Carl Has Issues.
Wolfman is Pete's dealer. He's also Evil Incarnate (read: the one who broke up Pete and Carl in the first place).
Gemma was the obligatory girl, except Peter's the obligatory girl, so she had to go.
Steve is Peter's friend who's been the original singer of every band Peter's ever tried to have. Peter keeps asking him then a few weeks/months later realising that this means someone else gets most of the attention and kicking him out again.
Mr Razzcocks is the old dude who played drums for the Libertines until the boys realised having an old man in the band was hurting their chance with chicks so they did the PC thing and hired a fit black dude instead.
j.bo once took over bassist duties for the Libertines while John went into rehab for Carl addiction (it didn't work). He specifically was asked to join because Peter realised they needed an ugly one (because every real band and/or clique of teenage girls has an ugly one), but he was too ugly and hurting their chances with the chicks (and he was a cunt), so they gave him the boot.
Annalisa was what happened when God decided to grant Carl's wish for a way to screw himself and still be able to claim he's straight.
Lisa is a lovely girl who shagged the wrong Libertine and has been regretting that mistake for the past several years. She has excellent taste in bands, just not bandmembers, as is evident by the fact that this was not the first time she made this particular mistake (See: Oasis).
Kate is Peter's ex who fancies herself a musician. They worked for a long time because she thought being with a younger man would fool the modelling world into forgetting that she was ageing and he liked the fact that she could afford his drug habit, but they broke up when Peter realised she'd never be Carl and she realised the drugs actually make her look older.
Irina is another of Peter's exes. They got together because she looks like Carl and broke up because she wasn't Carl.
ALAN MCGEE IS THE MANAGER FOR CARLS CURRENT BAND WHO ARENT AS GOOD AS OASIS AND CERTAINLY NOT AS GOOD AS GLASVEGAS BUT AT LEAST THERE WILL BE SOME HALFWAY DECENT TUNES ON THIS NEXT ALBUM.MCGEE
Mick Jones was really happy to be working with the Libertines who sounded really good, boys, really good. Also, he apparently dances like a puppet.