Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 1956

Jun 04, 2011 18:04

I need to borrow a bucket from someone.  It is of the utmost importance.

Thank you,
FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan.

the worst intro post, the best into post

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text; yourgoddamnit June 5 2011, 04:40:45 UTC
OKAY.
AND THEN I WILL FOLLOW YOU INTO THE VAN
LURED BY FALSE PROMISES OF CANDY AND WOOFBEASTS.
BUT WILL I FIND MY FUZZY FRIENDS?
NO.
WHERE THERE SHOULD BE WOOFBEASTS, THERE IS ONLY HORROR
AND FORCIBLY HARVESTED GENETIC MATERIAL.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU CLEAN UP MY VIOLATED CORPSE BEFORE YOU FEED ME TO JAPAN.
HE DOESN'T ENJOY THE TASTE OF OTHER PEOPLE FUCKING HIS ADOLESCENT HORDE TO DEATH.

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[Video; close up of FBI Badge] callhimyork June 5 2011, 19:09:30 UTC
The fourth with an odd colored text, and the eighth to respond overall...

I think I recognize a pattern here, Zach.

FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan. Please, just call me York. Everyone calls me that.

There's no need to be scared, really. I don't want to..."forcibly harvest your genetic material?" Right. In fact, I'm not even looking for a bucket anymore. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

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[Video; close up of a grumpy troll kid] yourgoddamnit June 5 2011, 22:13:42 UTC
WHO THE FUCK IS ZACH?
ACTUALLY, NO.
FUCK YOU.
I REFUSE TO CALL YOU YORK.
I WILL CALL YOU TOM BOMBADIL OF THE RHYMING RUMPUS FUCKASS FOREST.
THEREFORE I WILL ONLY ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS IF YOU DELIVER THEM IN WHIMSICAL RHYMING
WHICH IS ACTUALLY JUST GRATING WORDVOMIT.

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callhimyork June 5 2011, 22:23:16 UTC
A puzzle, huh, Zach? It sounds like a reference to Lord of the Rings...

Here I am in the forest, where trodden leaves crunch.
If you'd answer my question, I'd thank you a bunch.
I don't know what you troll people have against pails.
I simply want some milk before my mind's ship sails.
I need it for mixing with my drink.
It's actually simple, I like to think.
Where can I find something to carry milk in?
With something like that, this story would be at a fin.

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1/2 yourgoddamnit June 5 2011, 22:28:17 UTC
OH MY GOD I REGRET EVERYTHING.
FUCK I'M STUPID.
I'VE CREATED A MONSTROSITY.

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yourgoddamnit June 5 2011, 22:30:11 UTC
OKAY SO NOW THAT THE BLOOD ISN'T LEAKING OUT OF MY EARS,
I'LL EXPLAIN THE BUCKET THING IN A GENERAL INFORMATION POST SOON.
LET'S JUST SKIP THAT FOR NOW.
YOU NEED MILK?
USE A GLASS.
UNLESS YOU'RE FREAKISHLY STRONG LIKE EQUIUS
IN WHICH CASE
YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF EVER PROCURING YOUR SACRED LIQUID.

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callhimyork June 6 2011, 05:53:06 UTC
Thank you for your helpful insight.
I think that glasses might be alright.
But what would be better as a whole,
Would be a bucket, or at least a large bowl.
How am I supposed to transport that much milk,
With the pure aroma and texture of silk?

Now, I hope this won't be a test of your brain.
I don't need much now, just a name.

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yourgoddamnit June 12 2011, 03:57:55 UTC
I CONTINUE TO REGRET EVERYTHING.
EVERY WORD YOU JUST UTTERED MADE ME WANT TO MUTILATE MYSELF IN ALL SORTS OF UNSPEAKABLE WAYS.
YOU MAKE ME WISH I WAS DEAF.
FUCK
YOU'RE AS OBSESSED WITH MILK AS EQUIUS.
BUT SOMEHOW I HATE YOU EXPONENTIALLY MORE.
WITH THAT IN MIND
WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GIVE YOU MY NAME?

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