[fic] [100 women] [SGA] Harder To Stay Where You Are
Title: Harder To Stay Where You Are
Fandom: SGA
Author: calleigh_j
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for everything up to and including ‘First Strike’, mentions of character death, general angst
Pairings: John/Elizabeth UST, Teyla/Lorne
Word Count: 1,308
Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the title
Summary: It’s been almost two years since she last saw John Sheppard
Feedback/Concrit: Is made of win and much appreciated
Author's Note: Written for 100_women prompt 094 - lost; thanks to alianne for betaing; title comes from a quote by Judith Rossner; this is for all my London girls, because the bad mood that inspired the writing of this little angst-fest? Totally Joe Mallozzi's fault
It takes far less courage to kill yourself than it does to make yourself wake up one more time. It is harder to stay where you are than to get out. - Judith Rossner
“Ok, that'll do for today.” A sigh goes up all around the room and Elizabeth can't help but sympathise. It's been a long week, and with finals approaching, stress levels are rising universally.
“Those of you who haven't handed in your essays yet, I need them on my desk first thing on Monday morning.” She catches her students exchange worried and sheepish glances and hopes she won't have too many late essays to chase up.
“Have a good weekend, everyone.” There are a few murmured replies and people start to pack up their belongings. Aching, Elizabeth pushes herself out of her chair and starts to pile up her own books, leaning heavily on the desk.
The sound of approaching footsteps causes her to look up - all the doors to this lecture theatre are at the back, at the top of the stairs, behind the rows of seats. She can’t tear her eyes away from the figure walking down the steps towards her.
“Hi,” he says, stopping by the desk.
“Hi,” she replies, staring at him.
It's been almost two years since she last saw John Sheppard, and more than a year and a half since she heard from him or anyone on Atlantis. One day, having arrived at an agreed location, the Odyssey reported the still space-bound city was nowhere to be seen. The ship had remained there for almost a week, sending out X-302s to search. Atlantis was nowhere to be found and all attempts to contact them via radio were met with silence. The occupants of the city were listed as 'Missing in action', and after six months had gone by without a sign of them, they were declared 'Missing, presumed dead'.
She takes a step towards him, but her bad knee buckles and gives way and then she's clinging to the desk to stop herself from falling. John's by her side in seconds, slipping his arms around her waist and helping her to stand. She leans heavily against him, right leg completely refusing to take her weight.
“Are you ok?” he asks and when she turns to face him, she can clearly see the scar that stretches from his temple, all the way down the left side of his face and neck before vanishing under his collar. It's not recent, she can see that, but it's new to her and it changes his face completely. She pushes back from him and feels around behind her until she finds her chair and slumps into it.
Two years ago, he would've thought nothing of sitting himself down on her desk to talk, but now he stays standing beside it, unsure.
“What happened?” she asks finally.
“Replicators,” he replies, holding her gaze.
“Where have you been?”
“Running. Hiding. Trying not to lose too many people.”
“Who...?” She can't quite bring herself to formulate the full question, but he knows exactly what she's asking.
“Seventy-four Marines. Fifteen scientists. Two field medics. Keller; Lorne; McKay.” He says the words without emotion and though she doesn't know how long he's been back, she knows that this certainly isn't the first time he's had to tell someone about those they lost.
“Rodney?” she echoes, her voice barely audible.
“The Replicators got him and when he wouldn't tell them where we were, they killed him. We sent out ten Marines with him that day; two came back.”
“How did you get back to Earth?”
“Zelenka managed to create a virus that disrupted their ability to communicate with each other and replicate. It spread quickly enough that they couldn't change and stop it. They died, and we went back to the Midway station.”
“How long...?” She starts to ask how long they've been back on Earth, but one of the doors at the back of the auditorium opens and a small group of students walks in, talking amongst themselves. They stop when they catch sight of the two people by the desk.
“Sorry Doctor Weir; we didn't think anyone would be in here.” Elizabeth recognises the speaker from one of her classes.
“It's ok, Katie, we're just going.” Getting carefully to her feet, she grabs the cane hung over the back of her chair. John picks up the books before she can even reach for them and though she would normally protest and insist on carrying them herself, she's tired and sore and doesn't have the strength to argue with him.
“She moves past him and he follows her as she makes her way slowly up the stairs, wincing with every step. Once out of the lecture theatre, she considers going to her office, but it's in the opposite direction to her car and she can't face the walk.
“Do you have anywhere to be right now?” she asks as they stand in the hallway. He shakes his head.
“I have a little while.”
“My house isn't far away. We can talk there.”
*-*-*-*
He's quiet as they eat Chinese in her kitchen. She said they could talk, but now she finds that she doesn't really know what to say and it's he who has to break the silence.
“Teyla has a daughter.” The comment catches Elizabeth off-guard and she almost chokes on a bite of spring roll. Once she's finished coughing and spluttering, she manages to ask about the girl.
“She's just over a year old now. Her name's Meredith.” The name brings a smile to his lips and it's obvious that he's fond of the girl.
“Who's her father?”
“Lorne.” That in itself doesn't come as much of a surprise to Elizabeth, and she's happy that her friend found some happiness, but can't stop thinking about the little girl who'll never get to know her father.
John glances at his watch.
“When do you have to be back?”
“A car will be here in a few minutes” She realises that he must've called for one when he disappeared, talking on his cell phone just after they got to her house.
Though they've had little to say to one another, she's suddenly fearful that if he leaves now, it'll be another two years before she sees him again, if ever.
“What are you going to do now?”
“Go back to Pegasus. The Wraith are still around and we have to try and repair some of the damage caused by the Replicators.” He says it in a matter-of-fact voice and she knows that he views everything that happened as being somehow his fault.
There's a knock on the door and suddenly their time is up.
“Be careful,” she says as he gets up from his chair. The words don't come out as strongly as she'd planned and her voice cracks a little at the end.
“I will be.” Now, when it's time for him to leave, she can think of a hundred thousand things she wants to talk about with him, but she can't ask him to stay. It would be futile and she doesn't want to make him feel guilty or worry about her when he has so much to do.
If things were different, she might still be out there with him and she wishes - despite everything that's happened to them - that she could go back.
He's watching her now, concerned, and she schools her face into a neutral expression as she gets to her feet and walks slowly towards him.
“Be careful,” she says again, reaching up and tracing his scar with her finger.
“I will be,” he repeats, catching her hand in his and squeezing it tightly. There's another knock and she pulls her hand back.
“Goodbye,” she says softly and watches as he walks out of her kitchen. She hears the front door open, and then close a couple of seconds later. Taking a few deep breaths, she starts cleaning up the plates and the remains of the take-out.
Fandom: SGA
Author: calleigh_j
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for everything up to and including ‘First Strike’, mentions of character death, general angst
Pairings: John/Elizabeth UST, Teyla/Lorne
Word Count: 1,308
Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the title
Summary: It’s been almost two years since she last saw John Sheppard
Feedback/Concrit: Is made of win and much appreciated
Author's Note: Written for 100_women prompt 094 - lost; thanks to alianne for betaing; title comes from a quote by Judith Rossner; this is for all my London girls, because the bad mood that inspired the writing of this little angst-fest? Totally Joe Mallozzi's fault
It takes far less courage to kill yourself than it does to make yourself wake up one more time. It is harder to stay where you are than to get out. - Judith Rossner
“Ok, that'll do for today.” A sigh goes up all around the room and Elizabeth can't help but sympathise. It's been a long week, and with finals approaching, stress levels are rising universally.
“Those of you who haven't handed in your essays yet, I need them on my desk first thing on Monday morning.” She catches her students exchange worried and sheepish glances and hopes she won't have too many late essays to chase up.
“Have a good weekend, everyone.” There are a few murmured replies and people start to pack up their belongings. Aching, Elizabeth pushes herself out of her chair and starts to pile up her own books, leaning heavily on the desk.
The sound of approaching footsteps causes her to look up - all the doors to this lecture theatre are at the back, at the top of the stairs, behind the rows of seats. She can’t tear her eyes away from the figure walking down the steps towards her.
“Hi,” he says, stopping by the desk.
“Hi,” she replies, staring at him.
It's been almost two years since she last saw John Sheppard, and more than a year and a half since she heard from him or anyone on Atlantis. One day, having arrived at an agreed location, the Odyssey reported the still space-bound city was nowhere to be seen. The ship had remained there for almost a week, sending out X-302s to search. Atlantis was nowhere to be found and all attempts to contact them via radio were met with silence. The occupants of the city were listed as 'Missing in action', and after six months had gone by without a sign of them, they were declared 'Missing, presumed dead'.
She takes a step towards him, but her bad knee buckles and gives way and then she's clinging to the desk to stop herself from falling. John's by her side in seconds, slipping his arms around her waist and helping her to stand. She leans heavily against him, right leg completely refusing to take her weight.
“Are you ok?” he asks and when she turns to face him, she can clearly see the scar that stretches from his temple, all the way down the left side of his face and neck before vanishing under his collar. It's not recent, she can see that, but it's new to her and it changes his face completely. She pushes back from him and feels around behind her until she finds her chair and slumps into it.
Two years ago, he would've thought nothing of sitting himself down on her desk to talk, but now he stays standing beside it, unsure.
“What happened?” she asks finally.
“Replicators,” he replies, holding her gaze.
“Where have you been?”
“Running. Hiding. Trying not to lose too many people.”
“Who...?” She can't quite bring herself to formulate the full question, but he knows exactly what she's asking.
“Seventy-four Marines. Fifteen scientists. Two field medics. Keller; Lorne; McKay.” He says the words without emotion and though she doesn't know how long he's been back, she knows that this certainly isn't the first time he's had to tell someone about those they lost.
“Rodney?” she echoes, her voice barely audible.
“The Replicators got him and when he wouldn't tell them where we were, they killed him. We sent out ten Marines with him that day; two came back.”
“How did you get back to Earth?”
“Zelenka managed to create a virus that disrupted their ability to communicate with each other and replicate. It spread quickly enough that they couldn't change and stop it. They died, and we went back to the Midway station.”
“How long...?” She starts to ask how long they've been back on Earth, but one of the doors at the back of the auditorium opens and a small group of students walks in, talking amongst themselves. They stop when they catch sight of the two people by the desk.
“Sorry Doctor Weir; we didn't think anyone would be in here.” Elizabeth recognises the speaker from one of her classes.
“It's ok, Katie, we're just going.” Getting carefully to her feet, she grabs the cane hung over the back of her chair. John picks up the books before she can even reach for them and though she would normally protest and insist on carrying them herself, she's tired and sore and doesn't have the strength to argue with him.
“She moves past him and he follows her as she makes her way slowly up the stairs, wincing with every step. Once out of the lecture theatre, she considers going to her office, but it's in the opposite direction to her car and she can't face the walk.
“Do you have anywhere to be right now?” she asks as they stand in the hallway. He shakes his head.
“I have a little while.”
“My house isn't far away. We can talk there.”
*-*-*-*
He's quiet as they eat Chinese in her kitchen. She said they could talk, but now she finds that she doesn't really know what to say and it's he who has to break the silence.
“Teyla has a daughter.” The comment catches Elizabeth off-guard and she almost chokes on a bite of spring roll. Once she's finished coughing and spluttering, she manages to ask about the girl.
“She's just over a year old now. Her name's Meredith.” The name brings a smile to his lips and it's obvious that he's fond of the girl.
“Who's her father?”
“Lorne.” That in itself doesn't come as much of a surprise to Elizabeth, and she's happy that her friend found some happiness, but can't stop thinking about the little girl who'll never get to know her father.
John glances at his watch.
“When do you have to be back?”
“A car will be here in a few minutes” She realises that he must've called for one when he disappeared, talking on his cell phone just after they got to her house.
Though they've had little to say to one another, she's suddenly fearful that if he leaves now, it'll be another two years before she sees him again, if ever.
“What are you going to do now?”
“Go back to Pegasus. The Wraith are still around and we have to try and repair some of the damage caused by the Replicators.” He says it in a matter-of-fact voice and she knows that he views everything that happened as being somehow his fault.
There's a knock on the door and suddenly their time is up.
“Be careful,” she says as he gets up from his chair. The words don't come out as strongly as she'd planned and her voice cracks a little at the end.
“I will be.” Now, when it's time for him to leave, she can think of a hundred thousand things she wants to talk about with him, but she can't ask him to stay. It would be futile and she doesn't want to make him feel guilty or worry about her when he has so much to do.
If things were different, she might still be out there with him and she wishes - despite everything that's happened to them - that she could go back.
He's watching her now, concerned, and she schools her face into a neutral expression as she gets to her feet and walks slowly towards him.
“Be careful,” she says again, reaching up and tracing his scar with her finger.
“I will be,” he repeats, catching her hand in his and squeezing it tightly. There's another knock and she pulls her hand back.
“Goodbye,” she says softly and watches as he walks out of her kitchen. She hears the front door open, and then close a couple of seconds later. Taking a few deep breaths, she starts cleaning up the plates and the remains of the take-out.