[fic] AU Ficathon - Come Back And Find Me
Title: Come Back And Find Me
Fandom: SGA; set in the coyote_sga AU
Author: calleigh_j
Written for: speckleberry and the prompt of Elizabeth loses her powers temporarily for whatever reason, John helps her cope with feeling as though she's lost herself
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Pairings: John/Elizabeth
Word Count: 1,725
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, which belong to the folks of Stargate, or the quote and title, which come from KT Tunstall's 'Throw Me A Rope'
Summary: He finds her by the sea
Author's Note: Thank you to graveyard_cat for telling me it didn't suck and suggesting ways of improving it. speckleberry, I hope you enjoy it hun, and yay, for today is two months til the LFCC!
'Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me 'cause I feel alone
He finds her by the sea. She's sitting on a rock, legs pulled up to her chest, head resting on her knees, and the spray from the waves is flying up around her.
“I used to come here a lot,” she says softly, before he can even announce his presence, “Just after I got out...” She doesn't say from where, but he knows - the mental asylum, the institution, the loony bin. “I had everything under control, but sometimes I just needed to get away from all the people. I used to sit on this rock and listen to the ocean, and as long as I did that, I didn't have to think about anything.”
“And now?” He nudges her with the side of his boot, and she moves over just enough to let him sit down beside her.
“Now, I wonder where all those thoughts went; all the thoughts I tried so hard to get away from.”
She turns to him then, looking him straight in the eye, and he can see that she's been crying.
“What are you thinking?” she asks, as the wind blows a lock of hair across her face. When she makes no move to push it back, he reaches out and tucks it behind her ear.
“I'm thinking that you can really surprise me sometimes.” This gets a reaction out of her: she raises an eyebrow and tilts her head to one side.
“I surprise you?” she questions, as if she thinks that maybe she didn't hear him correctly.
“Almost every day,” he confirms, smiling.
“Ok.” She seems happy with this response, and doesn't press him for details. He's sort of glad about that, because he's not sure that he could explain to her exactly how she surprises him without completely embarrassing himself, but he wonders, if she could still read his thoughts, whether she would understand. He almost says something else, but checks himself, and they sit there in silence, staring at the sea as the waves crash around them.
*-*-*-*
He finds her on the roof of her apartment block. She's discarded her jacket somewhere inside, and from where she stands, leaning on the wall that surrounds the roof space, he can see that the back of her white shirt is wrinkled. He wants nothing more than to smooth out the creases.
“It's been three weeks.” Her voice is flat and tired, and he wishes, not for the first time, that it had happened to him instead.
“It's been three weeks,” she repeats, “And Rodney and Carson still haven't found a cure, or even anything close to one.”
“They're working on it: if anyone can get your powers back, it's them.”
“But what if they can't; what if I'm stuck like this forever?” He walks over and leans on the wall next to her.
“Look, you went to the future, right?”
“Yeah, and?”
“And in the future you still had your powers, so obviously you must get them back.”
“But what if we've already changed things so that future isn't going to happen? What if I don't ever get my powers back?”
Talking about the future she saw was his way of avoiding a question he doesn't think he can answer. Now he has no choice but to struggle with the words when, under any other circumstance, he could just let her hear his thoughts.
“I don't know.” More and more over the past few weeks, she's been asking him what he's thinking. He imagines it must be incredibly disconcerting for her not to know what people are really thinking, so he's trying to be as honest with her as he can.
“If Rodney and Carson can't find a cure, I don't know what'll happen, but I'll be here for you...we'll all be here for you, whatever happens.” He rubs her shoulder with his hand, trying to show her that he means what he's saying.
“And all this time, I thought you only wanted me for my powers.” The joke is unexpected, and he's sure the surprise shows on his face when she catches his eye. She's not smiling, not really, but she doesn't look quite so lonely.
*-*-*-*
He finds her in Union Station. She has her back to the door, and all he can see over the back of the seat is the top of her head. He takes the seat next to hers and they sit in silence for almost thirty minutes.
“Sometimes I thought I'd never be able to come somewhere like this again.” He doesn't need her to explain why - with all the people passing through the station and anything less than full control over her abilities, it would be a terrifying place for her to be.
“I think...I think I almost wish I was back there - back when I couldn't be in a room with more than two people at a time because there were too many thoughts. It was hard, but at least it wasn't so quiet.” She stops and looks intently at her hands for a few seconds.
“I never thought I'd say that.” She's still looking at her hands and twisting her grandmother's ring that she always wears round and round. He stills her nervous movements with his own hand, threading his fingers through hers, and she looks up at him.
“When I first discovered what I was and what I could do, I wanted nothing more than to go back and just be normal again. I felt like I didn't belong in my own skin, and I hated that it was happening to me. Everyone around was just the same as they always were, and then there was me, suddenly so different when all I'd ever wanted was to fit in. It didn't seem fair.” He pauses, and wonders why he's saying all of this - he's never really talked to anyone about what happened before.
He wants nothing more than to just stop there and make a joke about something, about anything, because that's what he does. He doesn't sit around in stations talking about how he feels; he drinks beer and watches football and deflects personal comments with humour and sarcasm. But he stops and thinks about how hard things are for her at the moment, and swallows the joke on the tip of his tongue.
“Now, I don't think I'd want to go back to being, you know, 'normal'. Maybe it was easier back then, before all of this, but I don't think it was better. And I thought I was happy, but I don't think I really was.”
“Are you happy now?” She looks back down to her hands as she speaks, as she doesn't know if she wants to hear his answer or not.
“Some of the time, yeah. I don't...I don't know how you're coping with this so well.”
“You think I'm coping with this well?” She's incredulous and stares at him in disbelief.
“Better than I would.” She may not be able to read his thoughts, but she knows what he means and accepts what he says. Another couple of minutes passes without them talking, and then he stands up, still with her hand in his.
“Ready to face the world now?” She nods and lets him pull her to her feet and out of the station, towards the sun.
*-*-*-*
He finds her by the sea. She's sitting on a rock, legs pulled up to her chest, head resting on her knees, and the spray from the waves is flying up around her.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, sitting down beside her.
“Pretty good. I'm still a little shaky, but Carson said that's only to be expected, and it'll go away in a couple of days.”
“And the...thought stuff?”
“Thought stuff?”
“You know what I mean.”
“The thought stuff is fine,” she says, grinning at him, “All under control and back to normal.”
“What does it say about you that 'normal' means 'hearing other peoples' thoughts'?”
“Probably nothing worse than the fact that your 'normal' is half-reptile.” Hearing her joke - really joke - and seeing her smile is hugely relieving after six and a half weeks of seeing her slowly withdraw from everyone around.
“We make a good pair then, don't we?” In his head, the words sound completely innocuous, but once they're out, he's very aware that there's subtext in his remark he didn't really mean to bring up. In the forty-five days for which Elizabeth was without her powers, John found himself, more often than not, by her side, trying to stop her falling apart.
He's not glad that she lost her abilities, but he liked the new layer their relationship seemed to be developing and he's more than a little worried that, now that she's back to being the old Elizabeth who doesn't need anything or anyone, they'll go back to just working together and ignoring the undercurrents of tension that sometimes make their way to the surface.
“Yeah, we do,” she replies finally, looking at him as she did all those weeks ago when she first lost her abilities. He remembers reaching across and pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. There's very little wind today, and he wishes it would pick up so that he'd have that excuse to touch her again.
“What?” she asks curiously, startling him from his memories.
“What?” he echoes, confused.
“You were looking at me like...” She trails off, and he knows that she's trying to read his mind.
“Like what?” he asks, letting her into his thoughts. She doesn't reply for a minute, and when she does, she's quiet and almost uncertain.
“Like you wanted to kiss me,” she says at last, holding his gaze. Still the wind stays low, so he gives up on waiting for it, leans across and kisses her.
It's only seconds long, little more than him pressing his lips to hers, but it stops her thoughts dead. Then he pulls back, and everything rushes back in, and she knows so much of him. She stares at him again, but he makes no move back towards her. She turns back out to the ocean and can't control the smile that spreads slowly across her face. They sit in silence, staring at the sea as the waves crash around them.
Fandom: SGA; set in the coyote_sga AU
Author: calleigh_j
Written for: speckleberry and the prompt of Elizabeth loses her powers temporarily for whatever reason, John helps her cope with feeling as though she's lost herself
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Pairings: John/Elizabeth
Word Count: 1,725
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, which belong to the folks of Stargate, or the quote and title, which come from KT Tunstall's 'Throw Me A Rope'
Summary: He finds her by the sea
Author's Note: Thank you to graveyard_cat for telling me it didn't suck and suggesting ways of improving it. speckleberry, I hope you enjoy it hun, and yay, for today is two months til the LFCC!
'Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me 'cause I feel alone
He finds her by the sea. She's sitting on a rock, legs pulled up to her chest, head resting on her knees, and the spray from the waves is flying up around her.
“I used to come here a lot,” she says softly, before he can even announce his presence, “Just after I got out...” She doesn't say from where, but he knows - the mental asylum, the institution, the loony bin. “I had everything under control, but sometimes I just needed to get away from all the people. I used to sit on this rock and listen to the ocean, and as long as I did that, I didn't have to think about anything.”
“And now?” He nudges her with the side of his boot, and she moves over just enough to let him sit down beside her.
“Now, I wonder where all those thoughts went; all the thoughts I tried so hard to get away from.”
She turns to him then, looking him straight in the eye, and he can see that she's been crying.
“What are you thinking?” she asks, as the wind blows a lock of hair across her face. When she makes no move to push it back, he reaches out and tucks it behind her ear.
“I'm thinking that you can really surprise me sometimes.” This gets a reaction out of her: she raises an eyebrow and tilts her head to one side.
“I surprise you?” she questions, as if she thinks that maybe she didn't hear him correctly.
“Almost every day,” he confirms, smiling.
“Ok.” She seems happy with this response, and doesn't press him for details. He's sort of glad about that, because he's not sure that he could explain to her exactly how she surprises him without completely embarrassing himself, but he wonders, if she could still read his thoughts, whether she would understand. He almost says something else, but checks himself, and they sit there in silence, staring at the sea as the waves crash around them.
*-*-*-*
He finds her on the roof of her apartment block. She's discarded her jacket somewhere inside, and from where she stands, leaning on the wall that surrounds the roof space, he can see that the back of her white shirt is wrinkled. He wants nothing more than to smooth out the creases.
“It's been three weeks.” Her voice is flat and tired, and he wishes, not for the first time, that it had happened to him instead.
“It's been three weeks,” she repeats, “And Rodney and Carson still haven't found a cure, or even anything close to one.”
“They're working on it: if anyone can get your powers back, it's them.”
“But what if they can't; what if I'm stuck like this forever?” He walks over and leans on the wall next to her.
“Look, you went to the future, right?”
“Yeah, and?”
“And in the future you still had your powers, so obviously you must get them back.”
“But what if we've already changed things so that future isn't going to happen? What if I don't ever get my powers back?”
Talking about the future she saw was his way of avoiding a question he doesn't think he can answer. Now he has no choice but to struggle with the words when, under any other circumstance, he could just let her hear his thoughts.
“I don't know.” More and more over the past few weeks, she's been asking him what he's thinking. He imagines it must be incredibly disconcerting for her not to know what people are really thinking, so he's trying to be as honest with her as he can.
“If Rodney and Carson can't find a cure, I don't know what'll happen, but I'll be here for you...we'll all be here for you, whatever happens.” He rubs her shoulder with his hand, trying to show her that he means what he's saying.
“And all this time, I thought you only wanted me for my powers.” The joke is unexpected, and he's sure the surprise shows on his face when she catches his eye. She's not smiling, not really, but she doesn't look quite so lonely.
*-*-*-*
He finds her in Union Station. She has her back to the door, and all he can see over the back of the seat is the top of her head. He takes the seat next to hers and they sit in silence for almost thirty minutes.
“Sometimes I thought I'd never be able to come somewhere like this again.” He doesn't need her to explain why - with all the people passing through the station and anything less than full control over her abilities, it would be a terrifying place for her to be.
“I think...I think I almost wish I was back there - back when I couldn't be in a room with more than two people at a time because there were too many thoughts. It was hard, but at least it wasn't so quiet.” She stops and looks intently at her hands for a few seconds.
“I never thought I'd say that.” She's still looking at her hands and twisting her grandmother's ring that she always wears round and round. He stills her nervous movements with his own hand, threading his fingers through hers, and she looks up at him.
“When I first discovered what I was and what I could do, I wanted nothing more than to go back and just be normal again. I felt like I didn't belong in my own skin, and I hated that it was happening to me. Everyone around was just the same as they always were, and then there was me, suddenly so different when all I'd ever wanted was to fit in. It didn't seem fair.” He pauses, and wonders why he's saying all of this - he's never really talked to anyone about what happened before.
He wants nothing more than to just stop there and make a joke about something, about anything, because that's what he does. He doesn't sit around in stations talking about how he feels; he drinks beer and watches football and deflects personal comments with humour and sarcasm. But he stops and thinks about how hard things are for her at the moment, and swallows the joke on the tip of his tongue.
“Now, I don't think I'd want to go back to being, you know, 'normal'. Maybe it was easier back then, before all of this, but I don't think it was better. And I thought I was happy, but I don't think I really was.”
“Are you happy now?” She looks back down to her hands as she speaks, as she doesn't know if she wants to hear his answer or not.
“Some of the time, yeah. I don't...I don't know how you're coping with this so well.”
“You think I'm coping with this well?” She's incredulous and stares at him in disbelief.
“Better than I would.” She may not be able to read his thoughts, but she knows what he means and accepts what he says. Another couple of minutes passes without them talking, and then he stands up, still with her hand in his.
“Ready to face the world now?” She nods and lets him pull her to her feet and out of the station, towards the sun.
*-*-*-*
He finds her by the sea. She's sitting on a rock, legs pulled up to her chest, head resting on her knees, and the spray from the waves is flying up around her.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, sitting down beside her.
“Pretty good. I'm still a little shaky, but Carson said that's only to be expected, and it'll go away in a couple of days.”
“And the...thought stuff?”
“Thought stuff?”
“You know what I mean.”
“The thought stuff is fine,” she says, grinning at him, “All under control and back to normal.”
“What does it say about you that 'normal' means 'hearing other peoples' thoughts'?”
“Probably nothing worse than the fact that your 'normal' is half-reptile.” Hearing her joke - really joke - and seeing her smile is hugely relieving after six and a half weeks of seeing her slowly withdraw from everyone around.
“We make a good pair then, don't we?” In his head, the words sound completely innocuous, but once they're out, he's very aware that there's subtext in his remark he didn't really mean to bring up. In the forty-five days for which Elizabeth was without her powers, John found himself, more often than not, by her side, trying to stop her falling apart.
He's not glad that she lost her abilities, but he liked the new layer their relationship seemed to be developing and he's more than a little worried that, now that she's back to being the old Elizabeth who doesn't need anything or anyone, they'll go back to just working together and ignoring the undercurrents of tension that sometimes make their way to the surface.
“Yeah, we do,” she replies finally, looking at him as she did all those weeks ago when she first lost her abilities. He remembers reaching across and pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. There's very little wind today, and he wishes it would pick up so that he'd have that excuse to touch her again.
“What?” she asks curiously, startling him from his memories.
“What?” he echoes, confused.
“You were looking at me like...” She trails off, and he knows that she's trying to read his mind.
“Like what?” he asks, letting her into his thoughts. She doesn't reply for a minute, and when she does, she's quiet and almost uncertain.
“Like you wanted to kiss me,” she says at last, holding his gaze. Still the wind stays low, so he gives up on waiting for it, leans across and kisses her.
It's only seconds long, little more than him pressing his lips to hers, but it stops her thoughts dead. Then he pulls back, and everything rushes back in, and she knows so much of him. She stares at him again, but he makes no move back towards her. She turns back out to the ocean and can't control the smile that spreads slowly across her face. They sit in silence, staring at the sea as the waves crash around them.