[fic] Waved Along And Swept Away - Criminal Minds, Emily/JJ
Title: Waved Along And Swept Away
Author: calleigh_j
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing/characters: Emily/JJ
Spoilers: Up to the middle of season four
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to CBS; no copyright infringement intended; no money is being made from this; title and italicised quotes taken from Richard Buckner's 'Ed's Song'
Summary: Emily's good at being strong, probably too good, JJ thinks, and she hates that now it's because of her that Emily has to be strong
Author's Notes: A ficlet in three parts based on 'Ed's Song' by Richard Buckner, officially one of the most depressing songs in the known universe. Unbeta-ed, because I have all of five minutes on this computer, so all mistakes are my own. Feedback and concrit is gratefully appreciated.
I'm yours and I have to leave
Emily's always the one who leaves. JJ can't do it, no matter that it's her fault one of them leaving is even necessary. She isn't strong enough, she never has been, so she leaves it to Emily to be strong enough for both of them. Emily's good at being strong, probably too good, JJ thinks, and she hates that now it's because of her that Emily has to be strong.
They sleep together in hotel rooms paid for by the government and feel as guilty as sin. When JJ wakes, she's always alone in bed and she feels lost. What they're doing is wrong - JJ has a child and a sweet, caring man waiting for her at home - but it doesn't feel wrong when they're doing it. It only feels wrong when they're not so wrapped up in each other that thinking about anything other than hands and lips and tongues and oh god yes is impossible.
What if I just showed up tonight?
JJ wonders sometimes what would happen if Emily fought for her; if Emily just turned up one night at the front door of JJ's little house in the suburbs and fought.
Emily, or Will and Henry.
JJ tries to separate Will from Henry in her mind - Emily would be an amazing parent - but she feels so guilty for that on top of everything else that she can't even seriously contemplate it.
JJ knows why Emily doesn't fight though: Emily had told her as much once when JJ was drunk and babbling about leaving Will.
"You deserve what he can give you," Emily had said, her voice soft and strong, "He can give you stability and love and a father for your child. You deserve him," Emily had repeated, "And he deserves you."
JJ could hear the unspoken corollary.
"He deserves you...and I don't."
Vows abound in infidels
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Will's smiling and her parents are smiling and Garcia's glaring at her. Garcia's always know about her and Emily - Garcia knows everything - and Garcia's angry at her for marrying Will.
"I have to," JJ had answered when Garcia asked her exactly why she was marrying Will.
"Why?" Garcia had scoffed, scorn the only emotion in her voice, "Because people expect it of you? Come on JJ - when have you cared about what people expect you to do? If you'd always done what people expected of you, you would never even have left Pennsylvania, and you definitely wouldn't be working at the FBI."
"Henry deserves his father," JJ had said weakly.
"And Emily deserves more than to have her heart broken by someone who can't even admit that she's making the wrong decision."
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon while Garcia sits next to Emily and holds her hand.
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon and the promise falls so easily from her lips it almost feels right, but for the bitter taste it leaves in her mouth.
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon, and that's the end of it.
Author: calleigh_j
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing/characters: Emily/JJ
Spoilers: Up to the middle of season four
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to CBS; no copyright infringement intended; no money is being made from this; title and italicised quotes taken from Richard Buckner's 'Ed's Song'
Summary: Emily's good at being strong, probably too good, JJ thinks, and she hates that now it's because of her that Emily has to be strong
Author's Notes: A ficlet in three parts based on 'Ed's Song' by Richard Buckner, officially one of the most depressing songs in the known universe. Unbeta-ed, because I have all of five minutes on this computer, so all mistakes are my own. Feedback and concrit is gratefully appreciated.
I'm yours and I have to leave
Emily's always the one who leaves. JJ can't do it, no matter that it's her fault one of them leaving is even necessary. She isn't strong enough, she never has been, so she leaves it to Emily to be strong enough for both of them. Emily's good at being strong, probably too good, JJ thinks, and she hates that now it's because of her that Emily has to be strong.
They sleep together in hotel rooms paid for by the government and feel as guilty as sin. When JJ wakes, she's always alone in bed and she feels lost. What they're doing is wrong - JJ has a child and a sweet, caring man waiting for her at home - but it doesn't feel wrong when they're doing it. It only feels wrong when they're not so wrapped up in each other that thinking about anything other than hands and lips and tongues and oh god yes is impossible.
What if I just showed up tonight?
JJ wonders sometimes what would happen if Emily fought for her; if Emily just turned up one night at the front door of JJ's little house in the suburbs and fought.
Emily, or Will and Henry.
JJ tries to separate Will from Henry in her mind - Emily would be an amazing parent - but she feels so guilty for that on top of everything else that she can't even seriously contemplate it.
JJ knows why Emily doesn't fight though: Emily had told her as much once when JJ was drunk and babbling about leaving Will.
"You deserve what he can give you," Emily had said, her voice soft and strong, "He can give you stability and love and a father for your child. You deserve him," Emily had repeated, "And he deserves you."
JJ could hear the unspoken corollary.
"He deserves you...and I don't."
Vows abound in infidels
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Will's smiling and her parents are smiling and Garcia's glaring at her. Garcia's always know about her and Emily - Garcia knows everything - and Garcia's angry at her for marrying Will.
"I have to," JJ had answered when Garcia asked her exactly why she was marrying Will.
"Why?" Garcia had scoffed, scorn the only emotion in her voice, "Because people expect it of you? Come on JJ - when have you cared about what people expect you to do? If you'd always done what people expected of you, you would never even have left Pennsylvania, and you definitely wouldn't be working at the FBI."
"Henry deserves his father," JJ had said weakly.
"And Emily deserves more than to have her heart broken by someone who can't even admit that she's making the wrong decision."
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon while Garcia sits next to Emily and holds her hand.
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon and the promise falls so easily from her lips it almost feels right, but for the bitter taste it leaves in her mouth.
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon, and that's the end of it.