The Stuff Relationships Are Made Of
Amongst the many topics that came up during supper today (or rather, which began yesterday and ended today, and was the longest supper I've ever had), this was a recurring theme I picked up on - that women go for men with the financial resources to provide for them and a family if they start one. Richard suggested that this sparked off a self-perpetuating cycle where the men enter professions which would provide the most financial resources (and other resources which women deem to be attractive).
What I cannot understand is why, if you're a self-aware man who actually thinks and knows what is truly important, you would willingly join in this farce. Perhaps it is a biological/evolutionary instinct or need to procreate and perpetuate one's bloodline (although I really am not sure how strong this instinct is today, if it is possible that such an instinct may be dulled), such that a man is driven by this inherent instinct to acquire all the means of securing a physically attractive woman so that they may have sex and produce attractive babies. We see this in the animal world, where for example, the lion with the thickest and biggest mane is usually the dominant male, and peacocks with the most flamboyant tails the more attractive males. So in the human world, indicators of powerful males have grown out of the way our societies and economies are structured; that power and general capability is synonymous with money, hence females view males with such resources as being more capable (since they had to have distinctive abilities to procure such resources).
This is what I think might be a biological justification, but again, I am not sure how important this consideration is. The issue for me here is why most women think they need a man to provide for them, why people associate marriage with financial security and stability. Something particularly irksome for me is when you hear girls saying that their goal in life is to marry a rich man and be a tai-tai, and not need to work. I won't include countries where women are mired in poverty, and the only way out of the hellhole is for them to marry rich men - these women do not have the same opportunities that women do in say, Singapore.
The thing is that when you have enough girls having such expectations, stereotypes and perceptions about your gender will eventually take root in people's minds. And there are negative externalities to that - you get lumped together with these girls, and preconceived notions are already there about how you should be viewed and treated. And these are real barriers to overcome. I think that for everyone, regardless if you're man or woman, should never have the view that someone else should provide for you unconditionally, or that you can depend on someone else to fulfill your material needs. If you want money, go out there and work for it. If you want a thousand dollar handbag, don't make demands on someone else to get it for you. (Firstly because a handbag costing so much is ridiculous, and secondly, you're not entitled to anything you haven't worked for, apart from your "inalienable rights" as a human being.)
I am not slamming housewives and mothers who stay at home to look after their children, of course. This is an exchange, an implicit contract between husband and wife - that the husband will provide the money, while the wife will provide a conducive environment for her husband and their children to develop. A slight digression: I sincerely believe that if you want to have a child, the parents have a responsibility to make sure that one of them stays home to take care of the child during his/her formative years, and not foist the baby off on someone else as soon as it is viable to do so.
Going back to my original question - why, if you're a self-aware man who actually thinks and knows what is truly important, you would willingly join in this farce (farce being pursuing wealth because that gets the girls). If a girl's love for you is conditional on your ability to provide her with material goods (and remember, this is not a third-world country, this is Singapore, and I think this "money-grabbing" phenomenon is pretty rampant amongst the "educated" echelons of society), why would you want to be with such a girl, or marry her?
And yet, you see all these guys so crazily in love (or at least, they think they are in love... but how can you love someone who loves you for what you can give her?) starting to save up for a wedding (not for marriage, but for a wedding, mind you) or spending money they don't really have on diamond rings and stuff like that. Just to make their girlfriends happy.
It's very sad when our relationships are characterised by the things that shouldn't even be a factor in the first place.
What I cannot understand is why, if you're a self-aware man who actually thinks and knows what is truly important, you would willingly join in this farce. Perhaps it is a biological/evolutionary instinct or need to procreate and perpetuate one's bloodline (although I really am not sure how strong this instinct is today, if it is possible that such an instinct may be dulled), such that a man is driven by this inherent instinct to acquire all the means of securing a physically attractive woman so that they may have sex and produce attractive babies. We see this in the animal world, where for example, the lion with the thickest and biggest mane is usually the dominant male, and peacocks with the most flamboyant tails the more attractive males. So in the human world, indicators of powerful males have grown out of the way our societies and economies are structured; that power and general capability is synonymous with money, hence females view males with such resources as being more capable (since they had to have distinctive abilities to procure such resources).
This is what I think might be a biological justification, but again, I am not sure how important this consideration is. The issue for me here is why most women think they need a man to provide for them, why people associate marriage with financial security and stability. Something particularly irksome for me is when you hear girls saying that their goal in life is to marry a rich man and be a tai-tai, and not need to work. I won't include countries where women are mired in poverty, and the only way out of the hellhole is for them to marry rich men - these women do not have the same opportunities that women do in say, Singapore.
The thing is that when you have enough girls having such expectations, stereotypes and perceptions about your gender will eventually take root in people's minds. And there are negative externalities to that - you get lumped together with these girls, and preconceived notions are already there about how you should be viewed and treated. And these are real barriers to overcome. I think that for everyone, regardless if you're man or woman, should never have the view that someone else should provide for you unconditionally, or that you can depend on someone else to fulfill your material needs. If you want money, go out there and work for it. If you want a thousand dollar handbag, don't make demands on someone else to get it for you. (Firstly because a handbag costing so much is ridiculous, and secondly, you're not entitled to anything you haven't worked for, apart from your "inalienable rights" as a human being.)
I am not slamming housewives and mothers who stay at home to look after their children, of course. This is an exchange, an implicit contract between husband and wife - that the husband will provide the money, while the wife will provide a conducive environment for her husband and their children to develop. A slight digression: I sincerely believe that if you want to have a child, the parents have a responsibility to make sure that one of them stays home to take care of the child during his/her formative years, and not foist the baby off on someone else as soon as it is viable to do so.
Going back to my original question - why, if you're a self-aware man who actually thinks and knows what is truly important, you would willingly join in this farce (farce being pursuing wealth because that gets the girls). If a girl's love for you is conditional on your ability to provide her with material goods (and remember, this is not a third-world country, this is Singapore, and I think this "money-grabbing" phenomenon is pretty rampant amongst the "educated" echelons of society), why would you want to be with such a girl, or marry her?
And yet, you see all these guys so crazily in love (or at least, they think they are in love... but how can you love someone who loves you for what you can give her?) starting to save up for a wedding (not for marriage, but for a wedding, mind you) or spending money they don't really have on diamond rings and stuff like that. Just to make their girlfriends happy.
It's very sad when our relationships are characterised by the things that shouldn't even be a factor in the first place.