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I'm going to complain now, i'm not expecting you to read this so don't tell me how big of a waste of time this was because i don't have anything better to do and i'm not asking you to waste your time by reading this.
ANYWAY, my life has been really odd lately, not horrible, just different. back in like middle school and 9th grade katie and i use to hang out everyday then we kinda fell apart to just weekends and last year was like not so much anymore and recently we have just been hanging out a lot and its great and i'm glad we are but it kinda makes me sad that its like we put eachother second place to stupid boys and it just made me think i guess. but whatever i can't blame her and i don't think she blames me it just kinda made me sad looking back on it and like seeing kenny's sister and her best friend i was just thinking wow that use to be me and katie but ya know things happen even when you tell yourself that they wont.
and yeah kenny and i broke up. i know most of you have heard from kenny that i screwed him over and how i'm selfish and being mean and well, i might be, but i just wasn't happy. i didn't like the relationship, i didn't like the yelling, the obligations, the routines, just, i wasn't happy anymore and he didn't make it seem like he was happy (i did a lot of stuff wrong i guess) so i just decided to take a break from it to make myself better or something, well i figured out that i just couldn't make myself be/do what he was asking, so i finally told him i don't want a boyfriend anymore and i probably wont for awhile. i'm thinking its for the best. it just really hurts when everyone tells me how horrible i am for doing that to him and how he is just so nice and how badly i'm hurting him. i guess its my fault for not letting people know how bad he was hurting me when we were going out.
in other news, my mom still thinks i'm 12. tomorrow is opening day for snakes on a plane and i have been planning to go tonight at midnight for the past month and today i tell her i'm going to buy tickets and she tells me i can't go. she doesn't want us driving around at 3 in the morning so i tell her that olivia's mom will pick us up. now she doesn't want me at the theater that late at night. i'm a senior in high school. i don't do bad things. its not like i'm asking to go out to a party, i just want to see a movie, but she has to act like its this big deal and then she wonders why i'm mad. i really wish she would just figure out that i'm not stupid and that i can take care of myself. oh well, i'll be moving out soon so i guess she'll just have to deal with it then.
i guess i've just been thinking lately a lot about what i do for people. i mean its come to the point where i'm thinking that if i wasn't here how different would things be? i don't mean to sound emo or anything but i honestly don't make that big of an impact on people. sure people like me i know i have friends but if i wasn't their friend, so what? i don't do much for people i guess is what i'm going for and i really want to change that. i want to make an impression on people.
i guess i'm just stuck in a (for lack of better word) depressed rut that i'm sure i'll get out of soon enough. olivia is having a party next week and i know that'll make me feel better about stuff (hopefully), that is, if i can go.
and yeah i love all of you guys, have fun at snakes on a plane tonight.
p.s. i hope you all enjoyed your cupcakes i went through hell making them ^_^
ANYWAY, my life has been really odd lately, not horrible, just different. back in like middle school and 9th grade katie and i use to hang out everyday then we kinda fell apart to just weekends and last year was like not so much anymore and recently we have just been hanging out a lot and its great and i'm glad we are but it kinda makes me sad that its like we put eachother second place to stupid boys and it just made me think i guess. but whatever i can't blame her and i don't think she blames me it just kinda made me sad looking back on it and like seeing kenny's sister and her best friend i was just thinking wow that use to be me and katie but ya know things happen even when you tell yourself that they wont.
and yeah kenny and i broke up. i know most of you have heard from kenny that i screwed him over and how i'm selfish and being mean and well, i might be, but i just wasn't happy. i didn't like the relationship, i didn't like the yelling, the obligations, the routines, just, i wasn't happy anymore and he didn't make it seem like he was happy (i did a lot of stuff wrong i guess) so i just decided to take a break from it to make myself better or something, well i figured out that i just couldn't make myself be/do what he was asking, so i finally told him i don't want a boyfriend anymore and i probably wont for awhile. i'm thinking its for the best. it just really hurts when everyone tells me how horrible i am for doing that to him and how he is just so nice and how badly i'm hurting him. i guess its my fault for not letting people know how bad he was hurting me when we were going out.
in other news, my mom still thinks i'm 12. tomorrow is opening day for snakes on a plane and i have been planning to go tonight at midnight for the past month and today i tell her i'm going to buy tickets and she tells me i can't go. she doesn't want us driving around at 3 in the morning so i tell her that olivia's mom will pick us up. now she doesn't want me at the theater that late at night. i'm a senior in high school. i don't do bad things. its not like i'm asking to go out to a party, i just want to see a movie, but she has to act like its this big deal and then she wonders why i'm mad. i really wish she would just figure out that i'm not stupid and that i can take care of myself. oh well, i'll be moving out soon so i guess she'll just have to deal with it then.
i guess i've just been thinking lately a lot about what i do for people. i mean its come to the point where i'm thinking that if i wasn't here how different would things be? i don't mean to sound emo or anything but i honestly don't make that big of an impact on people. sure people like me i know i have friends but if i wasn't their friend, so what? i don't do much for people i guess is what i'm going for and i really want to change that. i want to make an impression on people.
i guess i'm just stuck in a (for lack of better word) depressed rut that i'm sure i'll get out of soon enough. olivia is having a party next week and i know that'll make me feel better about stuff (hopefully), that is, if i can go.
and yeah i love all of you guys, have fun at snakes on a plane tonight.
p.s. i hope you all enjoyed your cupcakes i went through hell making them ^_^