Maybe it's because I never got to say goodbye.....
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Or maybe it's because I never REALLY will. I'll never see her again, ever. I guess I just haven't dealt with it fully. I still think about her at night. Think that she should would be sleeping with my parents or maybe with me. I still mistakenly open the door when I get home to let her outside with me. I still get the urge to call her name out when I get home, or bend over and greet her. I foolishly look to my feet to see that maybe one time she will be there. Or look to the places she use to be just to call out her name and smile at her. I don't know why it's hitting me still. Maybe because she was the only friend who I never felt I let down, the one that was constantly there for me and didn't have to do anything. She was the best friend I EVER had. I'm such a fucked up person and she was the constant in my life, the one thing that would never change, that was always there for me. She helped me through so much and facing somethings alone, without her, is hard, almost harder. I don't know, I don't think anything or anyone could ever take that place. I look at the pictures and I think of the good times and it hurts. She was like a child of mine, my liver, my friend, my companion, my safeguard, my joy, my fun, my....oh what does it matter. She's just fucking gone! It wasn't even a slow disappearance-just bam! Gone. I kept hope for so long. So long..... but what use is it now? It won't change. She is not going to magically spring to life and come bounding through the door. She already went out it and isn't coming back. She won't come back through to fill the void she left; left in this house, this family, this person, this heart. She's not going to come back. She'll never come back. She'll never be able to come back. She can't.......