7. It's not smut.
Title: Top Hole!
Characters: Eight, Charley, C'rizz
Rating: PG-13 for the bismirching of all that is holy.
Wordcount: Very short.
Spoilers: For Caerdroia, maybe. Nah.
Summary: C'rizz overhears the Doctor and Charley engaged in a rather exciting activity. Poor, poor C'rizz. For oxymoronassoc.
He heard their voices first, and it alarmed him. He had just woken up from a mid-afternoon nap (well, he assumed it was mid-afternoon, since they'd left Earth in the year 2005 at dawn earlier that day) and was heading towards the console room to see if either the Doctor or Charley fancied a game of chess.
"Hey, Doctor - that's not fair!"
"Well, I didn't expect there to be that much bush!"
"OW!"
"I told you -"
"Oh, thank you so much for warning me ahead of time!"
"You're... welcome... ow! My leg!"
C'rizz stopped in his tracks. It sounded like the Doctor and Charley, but he couldn't tell from which direction their voices were coming from. The TARDIS was worse than the labyrinth on Caerdroia at times, C'rizz thought in annoyance. What are they doing?
"You're... making me... wet," panted Charley's voice, slightly tinny, as though it were passing through metal rather than the gothic walls of the TARDIS corridor. Her voice was accusing. "Doctor!"
"I... ah... I'm sorry..." The Doctor sounded out of breath. "Perhaps... I'd better take this... off."
"Yes," said Charley breathlessly, "I think... you should."
Suddenly, there was a loud crack, and a series of alarming thuds and scuffling noises. C'rizz jumped. Then he heard the Doctor grunting loudly, and there came the dull whump of two bodies slamming into each other.
C'rizz shook himself, and decided it would be best to find out what was going on. It sounded like trouble.
"Is that," she panted as C'rizz rounded the corner, "How they... do it... on... Galli...frey?"
"Oh no," he heard the Doctor reply, still equally out of breath, "No, no no... Timelords... don't... usually... too stiff-necked... you know..."
"Too bad," gasped Charley, "This is... much... much more fun... than maths puzzles!"
"Yes! Yesssssss," the Doctor shouted in victory, rather abruptly.
"Top hole!" shouted Charley, and there was a short, quiet pause. Then, a long stream of laughter and other merry sounds.
C'rizz slowed to a jog, deathly curious now. He drew near the door, behind which he could clearly hear sounds of a struggle. What was this? Were they fighting?
"Oh no you don't!" cried Charley, between giggles. "You're not getting away that easy! Not until I get mine!"
"Ow - no, Charley, don't - ow!"
C'rizz pushed the door open, anxiously. "Doctor? Charley? Are you two alright?"
He was greeted by a sight which made him stare in equal parts apprehension, shock, and perplexity. They were in a giant room that looked like someone had taken a huge meadow, complete with rocks and grass and -
"C'rizz?"
He looked down at his feet, where Charley was lying atop the Doctor, both of them holding little sticks - croquet mallets, C'rizz remembered, like the ones they'd seen on Earth - faces red and dirty.
"What... are you doing?"
Charley rolled off the Doctor, spitting out bits of grass. "C'rizz!"
"Ow," grumbled the Doctor, getting to his feet. He offered a hand to Charley begrudgingly. "You don't play fair, Charley, I should have known better than to accept a challenge -"
"What do you mean, I don't play fair?" Charley said, indignantly. She prodded the Doctor's chest with a finger. "You splashed and tripped me!"
"I did not," Doctor retorted smoothly, "Besides, splashing isn't against the rules."
"Body-checking isn't against the rules, either!" Charley spat back, lifting her croquet bat meaningfully.
"What," repeated C'rizz, even more confused now, "Is going on? Could someone explain to me why both of you look like you've just been trampled by... a herd of cows! I heard you two corridors down, I was worried-"
Charley burst out laughing. "Oh, C'rizz!"
"We're just playing croquet," explained the Doctor, looking amused. The front of his shirt was smeared with mud, and his jacket was lying in a puddle.
"Extreme croquet!" added Charley cheerfully, swinging her mallet with vigour. "Like that lovely American chap said. The Doctor and I thought we'd give it a try, since the TARDIS has it's own croquet course and everything!"
"Care to join us?"
C'rizz took a step back. "Er - no, thank you."
He truly was beginning to believe that he'd never really understand the Doctor and Charley, after all. Even if he ever managed to get used to them. C'rizz sighed, and made his way back to his room for another nap. He could hear the Doctor cracking balls through the wickets behind him.
"Top hole!" Charley shouted.
*
Britta asked for it, it wasn't me.
Characters: Eight, Charley, C'rizz
Rating: PG-13 for the bismirching of all that is holy.
Wordcount: Very short.
Spoilers: For Caerdroia, maybe. Nah.
Summary: C'rizz overhears the Doctor and Charley engaged in a rather exciting activity. Poor, poor C'rizz. For oxymoronassoc.
He heard their voices first, and it alarmed him. He had just woken up from a mid-afternoon nap (well, he assumed it was mid-afternoon, since they'd left Earth in the year 2005 at dawn earlier that day) and was heading towards the console room to see if either the Doctor or Charley fancied a game of chess.
"Hey, Doctor - that's not fair!"
"Well, I didn't expect there to be that much bush!"
"OW!"
"I told you -"
"Oh, thank you so much for warning me ahead of time!"
"You're... welcome... ow! My leg!"
C'rizz stopped in his tracks. It sounded like the Doctor and Charley, but he couldn't tell from which direction their voices were coming from. The TARDIS was worse than the labyrinth on Caerdroia at times, C'rizz thought in annoyance. What are they doing?
"You're... making me... wet," panted Charley's voice, slightly tinny, as though it were passing through metal rather than the gothic walls of the TARDIS corridor. Her voice was accusing. "Doctor!"
"I... ah... I'm sorry..." The Doctor sounded out of breath. "Perhaps... I'd better take this... off."
"Yes," said Charley breathlessly, "I think... you should."
Suddenly, there was a loud crack, and a series of alarming thuds and scuffling noises. C'rizz jumped. Then he heard the Doctor grunting loudly, and there came the dull whump of two bodies slamming into each other.
C'rizz shook himself, and decided it would be best to find out what was going on. It sounded like trouble.
"Is that," she panted as C'rizz rounded the corner, "How they... do it... on... Galli...frey?"
"Oh no," he heard the Doctor reply, still equally out of breath, "No, no no... Timelords... don't... usually... too stiff-necked... you know..."
"Too bad," gasped Charley, "This is... much... much more fun... than maths puzzles!"
"Yes! Yesssssss," the Doctor shouted in victory, rather abruptly.
"Top hole!" shouted Charley, and there was a short, quiet pause. Then, a long stream of laughter and other merry sounds.
C'rizz slowed to a jog, deathly curious now. He drew near the door, behind which he could clearly hear sounds of a struggle. What was this? Were they fighting?
"Oh no you don't!" cried Charley, between giggles. "You're not getting away that easy! Not until I get mine!"
"Ow - no, Charley, don't - ow!"
C'rizz pushed the door open, anxiously. "Doctor? Charley? Are you two alright?"
He was greeted by a sight which made him stare in equal parts apprehension, shock, and perplexity. They were in a giant room that looked like someone had taken a huge meadow, complete with rocks and grass and -
"C'rizz?"
He looked down at his feet, where Charley was lying atop the Doctor, both of them holding little sticks - croquet mallets, C'rizz remembered, like the ones they'd seen on Earth - faces red and dirty.
"What... are you doing?"
Charley rolled off the Doctor, spitting out bits of grass. "C'rizz!"
"Ow," grumbled the Doctor, getting to his feet. He offered a hand to Charley begrudgingly. "You don't play fair, Charley, I should have known better than to accept a challenge -"
"What do you mean, I don't play fair?" Charley said, indignantly. She prodded the Doctor's chest with a finger. "You splashed and tripped me!"
"I did not," Doctor retorted smoothly, "Besides, splashing isn't against the rules."
"Body-checking isn't against the rules, either!" Charley spat back, lifting her croquet bat meaningfully.
"What," repeated C'rizz, even more confused now, "Is going on? Could someone explain to me why both of you look like you've just been trampled by... a herd of cows! I heard you two corridors down, I was worried-"
Charley burst out laughing. "Oh, C'rizz!"
"We're just playing croquet," explained the Doctor, looking amused. The front of his shirt was smeared with mud, and his jacket was lying in a puddle.
"Extreme croquet!" added Charley cheerfully, swinging her mallet with vigour. "Like that lovely American chap said. The Doctor and I thought we'd give it a try, since the TARDIS has it's own croquet course and everything!"
"Care to join us?"
C'rizz took a step back. "Er - no, thank you."
He truly was beginning to believe that he'd never really understand the Doctor and Charley, after all. Even if he ever managed to get used to them. C'rizz sighed, and made his way back to his room for another nap. He could hear the Doctor cracking balls through the wickets behind him.
"Top hole!" Charley shouted.
*
Britta asked for it, it wasn't me.