(no subject)
So I didn't get the job at the library. They were really nice about it, and apparently it's only because other people who applied have already worked there. They even said that if anything comes up soon they probably wouldn't even ask me to interview again. So there's no blow to my self-esteem, but I'm feeling a little dumb that I was so sure. I should know that I can't be too confident about these things because it's unpredictable no matter how qualified and wonderful I am.
I had a really good phone conversation with my mom and I think I'm feeling much better about things in general. It's just weird because I haven't really worked in two and a half months now so I started to doubt my decisions a bit. I've kinda felt trapped at playing housewife because I function much better when everything's in order, but I can't get other people's stuff in order for them, and I've been using it as an excuse to avoid the unpleasantness of finding a job. I also just really like taking care of people and it makes me feel good to know I made someone's life easier. I find job hunting so unpleasant because I don't really want the jobs I'm seeing, what I really want to be doing is writing. That was going well, but then the house-wifery took over again. Now the plan is to find a job, any job I like, because I need to work to stay in Canada and get ready for permanent residency, but to focus on writing. My mom said she'll support me with whatever I need, and I'm really lucky and thankful for that. I'm also lucky that I can take time off and know that I've still got the life plan all in order and a reliable career to look forward to once I become a teacher.
Now I just need to muster up the self-discipline to make this life work for me. I've always worked much better on deadlines and creating structure for myself has always been a weak point, but without the structure I don't do as well. I have to remember not to be so hard on myself about all this because I'm well on my way and still young and some people go their whole lives without figuring this stuff out.
I had a really good phone conversation with my mom and I think I'm feeling much better about things in general. It's just weird because I haven't really worked in two and a half months now so I started to doubt my decisions a bit. I've kinda felt trapped at playing housewife because I function much better when everything's in order, but I can't get other people's stuff in order for them, and I've been using it as an excuse to avoid the unpleasantness of finding a job. I also just really like taking care of people and it makes me feel good to know I made someone's life easier. I find job hunting so unpleasant because I don't really want the jobs I'm seeing, what I really want to be doing is writing. That was going well, but then the house-wifery took over again. Now the plan is to find a job, any job I like, because I need to work to stay in Canada and get ready for permanent residency, but to focus on writing. My mom said she'll support me with whatever I need, and I'm really lucky and thankful for that. I'm also lucky that I can take time off and know that I've still got the life plan all in order and a reliable career to look forward to once I become a teacher.
Now I just need to muster up the self-discipline to make this life work for me. I've always worked much better on deadlines and creating structure for myself has always been a weak point, but without the structure I don't do as well. I have to remember not to be so hard on myself about all this because I'm well on my way and still young and some people go their whole lives without figuring this stuff out.