Alright, I'm gonna give it a shot. I'm going to try to expand Peripheral (my 10 minute play from playworks 2007, directed by the capable Robin, starring the amazing Katie, Charles, and Michael
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Suggestions. Hmmm. It's been a long time since I saw it, and I definitely remember liking it overall so it's hard for me to think of points of improvement... I seem to recall thinking the flashback of what happened where the roommate got beat up was a little bit jarring - I don't remember exactly how the transition went, but maybe it can be made smoother?
I also remember that the first draft of the play (which I read while we were deciding who would direct what!) had me actually sympathizing with the boyfriend, which was a major reason why I /didn't/ choose it, but that had been pretty well cleared up by the time it made the stage. Just make sure that, in re-writes, you don't let it drift too much back in the direction of "Men /should/ know exactly what their girlfriends are thinking and act accordingly without their having to say anything!" which was the impression I got from the first draft.
Hmm. That's all I've got for now. Maybe if your director and cast hadn't done such a fantastic job I'd be able to give you more feedback! If I think of anything else I'll let you know.
Suggestions. Hmmm. It's been a long time since I saw it, and I definitely remember liking it overall so it's hard for me to think of points of improvement... I seem to recall thinking the flashback of what happened where the roommate got beat up was a little bit jarring - I don't remember exactly how the transition went, but maybe it can be made smoother?
I also remember that the first draft of the play (which I read while we were deciding who would direct what!) had me actually sympathizing with the boyfriend, which was a major reason why I /didn't/ choose it, but that had been pretty well cleared up by the time it made the stage. Just make sure that, in re-writes, you don't let it drift too much back in the direction of "Men /should/ know exactly what their girlfriends are thinking and act accordingly without their having to say anything!" which was the impression I got from the first draft.
Hmm. That's all I've got for now. Maybe if your director and cast hadn't done such a fantastic job I'd be able to give you more feedback! If I think of anything else I'll let you know.
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