(no subject)
i don't even know what to say. My life is as empty as my head right now. I work hard to cover bills that never end, such is life i know. But i have a college degree. So why am i making the amount i am right now? I have someone in my life who I love, but see once or twice a week if i'm lucky, talk to for maybe 10 to 15 minutes a day if i go on break late enough to catch him, but i'm bored. Bored with life and i know its my job to change that. I want to be finacially safe enough to move out of my house and not live paycheck to paycheck. I want to grow up and really hold my own.I'm not there yet though and neither is he. I want to live with him and be adults. I want to be endlessly happy and engaged and full of amazingly hopeful things for the future. I am stuck. Stuck in my underpaid job that i need to hold out for to get to where i want. I want to make cakes and have my own catering business as a hobby. I want to be inspired. I want to draw again and sing with a group and have a best friend that i can call at any hour and just be myself with. I want my friends back. I want it to be like old times when we could just hang out and sit on the couch and be bums together and we would be ok with that.
I want it to be like old times, but i want to be grown up. I want to be an independent child. Who wouldn't?
I want to learn to speak gaelic, and visit scotland and found out my original scottish roots. Who was my family? Who am i related to? I want to make a scottish dress from the early early years of history. I can't sew very well. I'm impatient and want to be motivated!When it comes down to it, I lack the endurance to stay with something for too long.
I want to cry just for the sake of feeling tears roll down my face because I feel like every once in awhile it's good to release emotion that may have be unknowingly pent up inside.
I wish i could write, or have a story to my life that would be so full of emotion and inspiration it would give people what i feel when i read other books.
A commercial about people with cancer and no healthcare today made me tear up and want to cry. I have no healthcare. Cancer runs in my family, what if i get it? What if i have kids and one of them has it? my grandmother lost a daughter who was 8 to cancer. My family lost a son/brother who was 3, barely.
I thought i wasn't going to know what to write, that i had nothing to say. I think i never know what to write or say until i let my mind go wherever it wants.
If only it made me feel better at the end.
I want it to be like old times, but i want to be grown up. I want to be an independent child. Who wouldn't?
I want to learn to speak gaelic, and visit scotland and found out my original scottish roots. Who was my family? Who am i related to? I want to make a scottish dress from the early early years of history. I can't sew very well. I'm impatient and want to be motivated!When it comes down to it, I lack the endurance to stay with something for too long.
I want to cry just for the sake of feeling tears roll down my face because I feel like every once in awhile it's good to release emotion that may have be unknowingly pent up inside.
I wish i could write, or have a story to my life that would be so full of emotion and inspiration it would give people what i feel when i read other books.
A commercial about people with cancer and no healthcare today made me tear up and want to cry. I have no healthcare. Cancer runs in my family, what if i get it? What if i have kids and one of them has it? my grandmother lost a daughter who was 8 to cancer. My family lost a son/brother who was 3, barely.
I thought i wasn't going to know what to write, that i had nothing to say. I think i never know what to write or say until i let my mind go wherever it wants.
If only it made me feel better at the end.