(no subject)
So. I'm overwhelmed. It is my last semester. I can't use my hours from the past summers for hospitality which leads me to my 35-40 hour work weeks plus full schedule at school. I'm overtired. stressed out and still going to be maybe 11 hours short at the end of it? I've a 500 and something page book that my professor gave us 2 weeks to read? no. a week and a half. and we have to present on it next week.. after the book review on thursday that we're going to do. i'm on page... 56 i think.
I'm not even broke. I don't care about money. i care about the 510.5 hours i need by the time i graduate in may. or i dont graduate. I hate my classes. i hate living at school. i hate being obligated to do things and hate that my family goes off and does fun things without me while im at school like go to fire and ice for dinner. my family never does things like that when i'm home.. but my mom said maybe for mine and becca's birthday dinner or something this summer..
Now that i think about it, i think my mom and my dad just went cause my dad was in Boston for a meeting and my mom went to stay with him. That makes me feel a little better. is that selfish?
I hate that Bryan is two hours away but love that i do get to see him whenver i have time, like thursday nights even if i do have to get up at 7am the next morning to leave by 8 to make it to class til 12 and then work til close.
I don't want to work for a big corporation hotel. I don't care about hotels. I have no idea what i want to do or how to go about the things i think i want to do. I'm stressed out but life doesn't just sit by and wait for you to figure things out.. it goes on. So why am i wasting my time fighting back tears and the urge to curl up in my bed and sleep away my stress?
My boyfriend is amazing and the more and more i get to know him and be with him, the more i'm really finding this out. Sometimes its hard to really look at what you have because day after day you just get so used to hearing " you mean so much to me, you are so beautiful , i think i'm falling in love with you"
I guess i'm scared of commitment in a sense too because im afraid to go into the falling in love thing.
also, ive been having dreams of everyone around me dying.... i blew up cruiseships, my roommate was murdered, my boyfriend died of cancer, kyle got killed somehow... i forget. my dad got into a car collision and died and i kept rewitnessing it. there is something really wrong with all of that.
Is it summer yet?? can i graduate now?
I heart you Bryan
I'm not even broke. I don't care about money. i care about the 510.5 hours i need by the time i graduate in may. or i dont graduate. I hate my classes. i hate living at school. i hate being obligated to do things and hate that my family goes off and does fun things without me while im at school like go to fire and ice for dinner. my family never does things like that when i'm home.. but my mom said maybe for mine and becca's birthday dinner or something this summer..
Now that i think about it, i think my mom and my dad just went cause my dad was in Boston for a meeting and my mom went to stay with him. That makes me feel a little better. is that selfish?
I hate that Bryan is two hours away but love that i do get to see him whenver i have time, like thursday nights even if i do have to get up at 7am the next morning to leave by 8 to make it to class til 12 and then work til close.
I don't want to work for a big corporation hotel. I don't care about hotels. I have no idea what i want to do or how to go about the things i think i want to do. I'm stressed out but life doesn't just sit by and wait for you to figure things out.. it goes on. So why am i wasting my time fighting back tears and the urge to curl up in my bed and sleep away my stress?
My boyfriend is amazing and the more and more i get to know him and be with him, the more i'm really finding this out. Sometimes its hard to really look at what you have because day after day you just get so used to hearing " you mean so much to me, you are so beautiful , i think i'm falling in love with you"
I guess i'm scared of commitment in a sense too because im afraid to go into the falling in love thing.
also, ive been having dreams of everyone around me dying.... i blew up cruiseships, my roommate was murdered, my boyfriend died of cancer, kyle got killed somehow... i forget. my dad got into a car collision and died and i kept rewitnessing it. there is something really wrong with all of that.
Is it summer yet?? can i graduate now?
I heart you Bryan