Fitness, foam rolling, workouts and ykw...spring cleaning of everything finally I guess.
Ok so I realized that my back is soreish still w/ the backpack being on as I go to work. I am doing my back exercises today and might even get a 3 in 1 foam roller set since it will help n also helps your whole body ( 25 stretches of the entire body:https://homegymr.com/foam-roller-exercises-and-stretches/#shoulder-rotator-cuff). I am going to go w/ a tennis ball for feet and neck vs lacrosse balls/ mini foam roller balls. I hope my Stretch and Yoga DVDs also help too.
I am planning on having my bin moved out today or Saturday after work ( if we do a joint work shift on Fridays, it will be a rest day/stretch for me cuz those mailbags hit my legs and back no problem hehe!), watching my Day 1 DVD of CB90, checking out my P90X DVDs ( to make sure they're real) and continuing w/season 4 of Jane the Virgin ( yeah, Rectify's slow pace,Tawney n Holden hit a nerve for me, Holden meeting friends from the past n it just kept culminating to nothing made me stop in season 2 ep 5, too bad cuz I like Amantha and the lawyer dude). My 1st time watching it for Petra and JR hehe but I really like the narrators! Love the line about realizations on your childhood feelings bringing up feelings on your childhood realizations!
I realized that while technically I don't have closure w/ ykw, the chapter on us will stay in the past and if I were to tell her things, they wouldn't make either of us feel better n would convey the true pain and hatred I have. This year was just hard cuz it's the 4th year of us officially and truly ending, of Feb/deja vu, the fact that history came back n wasn't over despite how saying her chapter was closed in her n our life/ fact that stuff repeated itself again n again and the irrevocable damage it did, how I made myself vulnerable just to get fooled time n time again, the fact that I do harbor pain w/ that (and of my hit and run still, also 4 yrs ago). I realized that I truly will never forgive her nor can I forget anything, that I hate her for real and have resentment. All this doesn't even cover everything, every betrayal, lies, omissions, other history shit repeating itself yet again but I am trying to get past all this so 1 day, just remembering certain things won't bring tears to my eyes still. I just can't believe that I did love her.
This all came back up due to timing of the year, Rectify/ The Resident lately, and I got a blast from the past ( literally!) from Kati, whom I stopped talking to in '09. I am very proud however that I at least have moved from wanting anything in the future w/ her and don't miss her. Ever since we said goodbye, I am not curious about anything in her life ( can take it or leave in convos, have always said when that happens, that means I truly do not care and have 0 romantic feelings now), don't feel the need or want to ask about things that in the past, would ask on a semi weekly basis and don't even think about her when cities in her State/ her State get mentioned anymore.
The way I was able to shut down everything was also caused by a joke she told me back in late winter 4 yrs ago (and it dealt w/ our beginning/ my trip), and it made me know for a FACT that not only does she TRULY NOT respect me but there was more truth to that joke/ she meant it than it meant nothing. It's the type of joke where if someone ( friend, brother, stranger) says it to you about someone you like, are dating/ married, you punch them in the face and yell at the person to never say that shit again but for me to know that w/ her, that wouldn't happen is bc she DOES feel that way just crushed me; and to know there truly are no good memories bc the joke destroyed our beginning and thus, every good lil bits of memories that came AFTER N THROUGHOUT OUR 7 YEAR HISTORY. I also realized I have resentment towards my fam too..maybe bc they were right all along w/ other issues unrelated..
Good news: I am buying Vitagene's Health and Ancestry kit today:)!
3:14 PM: Bought the kit and am doing the bin cleaning/DVD check tomorrow after work n after I eat my new fave grilled chicken sandwich from BK ( hope to beat the storm forecasted). I think I can get away w/ having sweets as long as I don't over do it. I am eager to try my new waffles Sunday as a pre workout boost and my crackers n bean dip for a post workout snack.
I am planning on having my bin moved out today or Saturday after work ( if we do a joint work shift on Fridays, it will be a rest day/stretch for me cuz those mailbags hit my legs and back no problem hehe!), watching my Day 1 DVD of CB90, checking out my P90X DVDs ( to make sure they're real) and continuing w/season 4 of Jane the Virgin ( yeah, Rectify's slow pace,Tawney n Holden hit a nerve for me, Holden meeting friends from the past n it just kept culminating to nothing made me stop in season 2 ep 5, too bad cuz I like Amantha and the lawyer dude). My 1st time watching it for Petra and JR hehe but I really like the narrators! Love the line about realizations on your childhood feelings bringing up feelings on your childhood realizations!
I realized that while technically I don't have closure w/ ykw, the chapter on us will stay in the past and if I were to tell her things, they wouldn't make either of us feel better n would convey the true pain and hatred I have. This year was just hard cuz it's the 4th year of us officially and truly ending, of Feb/deja vu, the fact that history came back n wasn't over despite how saying her chapter was closed in her n our life/ fact that stuff repeated itself again n again and the irrevocable damage it did, how I made myself vulnerable just to get fooled time n time again, the fact that I do harbor pain w/ that (and of my hit and run still, also 4 yrs ago). I realized that I truly will never forgive her nor can I forget anything, that I hate her for real and have resentment. All this doesn't even cover everything, every betrayal, lies, omissions, other history shit repeating itself yet again but I am trying to get past all this so 1 day, just remembering certain things won't bring tears to my eyes still. I just can't believe that I did love her.
This all came back up due to timing of the year, Rectify/ The Resident lately, and I got a blast from the past ( literally!) from Kati, whom I stopped talking to in '09. I am very proud however that I at least have moved from wanting anything in the future w/ her and don't miss her. Ever since we said goodbye, I am not curious about anything in her life ( can take it or leave in convos, have always said when that happens, that means I truly do not care and have 0 romantic feelings now), don't feel the need or want to ask about things that in the past, would ask on a semi weekly basis and don't even think about her when cities in her State/ her State get mentioned anymore.
The way I was able to shut down everything was also caused by a joke she told me back in late winter 4 yrs ago (and it dealt w/ our beginning/ my trip), and it made me know for a FACT that not only does she TRULY NOT respect me but there was more truth to that joke/ she meant it than it meant nothing. It's the type of joke where if someone ( friend, brother, stranger) says it to you about someone you like, are dating/ married, you punch them in the face and yell at the person to never say that shit again but for me to know that w/ her, that wouldn't happen is bc she DOES feel that way just crushed me; and to know there truly are no good memories bc the joke destroyed our beginning and thus, every good lil bits of memories that came AFTER N THROUGHOUT OUR 7 YEAR HISTORY. I also realized I have resentment towards my fam too..maybe bc they were right all along w/ other issues unrelated..
Good news: I am buying Vitagene's Health and Ancestry kit today:)!
3:14 PM: Bought the kit and am doing the bin cleaning/DVD check tomorrow after work n after I eat my new fave grilled chicken sandwich from BK ( hope to beat the storm forecasted). I think I can get away w/ having sweets as long as I don't over do it. I am eager to try my new waffles Sunday as a pre workout boost and my crackers n bean dip for a post workout snack.