Little things console us because little things afflict us
"Dad?" Jack ventured, peering at his father from around his own rather fat book.
"Yes, Jackson?" Percy pushed his glasses back up his nose before setting down his book to look at his son.
"You know how when I sit in the bathtub for too long, after the heating charm has gone away and all my toes and fingers look like raisins?"
"I have seen evidence of such," Percy replied, wondering why Jack was asking.
"If I were in there for a really long time, I mean hours, would I shrivel up into nothing?" Jack was clearly distressed by this prospect.
"No, your skin can only hold so much moisture. You would just be very pruny."
"Oh, good, because Lavender has been in the bathtub since right before you got home, and that was three hours ago, and I wouldn't want her to shrivel into nothing."
It wasn't unusual for Lavender to take a bath. In fact, she could be heard singing from the loo in the hallway when she was particularly relaxed.
Three hours was a bit extreme, though.
"Perhaps she's been taken by pirates," Percy ventured, smiling and ruffling his son's hair, much to his displeasure. "Shall we investigate?"
Jackson nodded, his book placed gently on the side table before he shot out of the room and down the stairs, his father following at a more sedate place.
Percy could hear the wireless coming from behind the door, and he knocked while Jack appeared with his own sword.
"For the pirates," Jack said at Percy's look.
"Lavender? Are you all right in there?"
Lavender's hazel gaze flicked in the direction of the door, though the shower curtain was pulled shut, hiding her from view. The side of the glass of red wine was pressed to her lips, as she blinked past her clouded thoughts. "Fine," she answered, adjusting in the tub. She wasn't sure why she'd found her way into the bathroom after receiving Justin's response, but it had seemed like a spot she'd be able to get some privacy.
She should have known better. It wasn't uncommon for her to be taking a shower and hear Percy come into the bathroom for something. Or to criticize her singing voice.
Dammit.
"I'm fine," she said, sitting up, pulling her skirt farther down her legs. It was a little odd, being in the tub fully clothed, but the sound was echoing and that was in someway a little comforting.
Percy's eyebrow went up, and he shooed Jack back down the hall, indicating that no rescuing was needed, and he would be going in himself. Jack giggled his response, running back down the hallway and up the stairs to his book, the door to the attic slamming shut.
Peeking his head into the bathroom, Percy noted the lack of humidity, and the bottle of wine next to the tub.
"Have enough to share, Lav?"
Her fingers wrapped around the edge of the shower curtain, pulling it back enough to look out at him. "I wouldn't if you had waited ten more minutes," she answered, sighing as she threw the curtain back completely. "I heard something about pirates."
"We wanted to make sure you hadn't been kidnapped on the high seas," Percy replied, entering the loo, and sitting on the floor opposite of the tub, against the door. He snagged the bottle of wine, tipping it back and taking a swig.
"Hard day?"
Lavender let out a sarcastic and hollow laugh, swallowing the rest of what was in her glass.
"I've decided that being an adult is overrated and that I'd like to go back to being in school, if possible. It was all so much easier then. You get dumped by a large Red Gorilla and you can just hate him and talk bad about him to everyone you've ever met, and then, after a few weeks of crying your eyes out in the dorms at night and snogging Blaise Zabini in dark corridors, you move on. None of this 'I'm really happy for you' rubbish."
"I think Blaise Zabini is married now, but I'm sure he has numbers in his book, somewhere," Percy said slowly. "Is there something about which to be happy, or in your case, not happy?"
Holding a hand over the porcelain of the tub for the bottle of wine he'd commandeered, she sighed loudly. "Justin, in the few months he's been away, has found someone new at the Ministry of Magic in South Africa. She's apparently very nice and he assures me I'd like her."
Leaning over the edge when he wasn't moving fast enough for her, she pulled the bottle from Percy's grasp, filling her glass with a generous amount. "Tell me, Perce, are all men thick? He thinks I'd like her? He thinks I'd like her? He couldn't have written that and not known how completely and utterly false it would be. I actually told him I'd move there if he wanted me to, if he thought we could still work, and then he says I'd like her if I met her."
She was rambling, but it wasn't the first time Percy had been subjected to it. When her emotions got the best of her, she just continued talking, the words flowing past her lips without much thought. The red wine didn't impede this process at all and, in fact, helped in most cases.
He wanted to punch Justin in the face, but thought that wouldn't bide well for either party. That, and he'd have to go to South Africa, and it would be entirely too complicated.
"If it makes you feel any better, I've broken off my .... relations with Regan. I'm fairly certain she wants to lite me on fire."
If it makes me feel any better?, Lavender thought to herself, but decided not to say that part aloud. "I know," she said, sipping the wine as she peered at him over the edge of the tub.
"What do you mean you know?" He'd not told anyone, though he was sure that Gwen was quite aware, he was also sure that Gwen Jones and Lavender did not run in the same circles.
"I work," she shook her head, "worked, for your brother. Things are not as secret at you think they are. Though you could have fooled me with how long you let it go without saying anything."
"Well, I haven't figured out quite how to tell Jack yet, and what do you mean worked? Fred didn't let you go, did he?" Percy demanded, sitting up straighter from where he leaned on the door.
"Yeah. He decided he didn't like me anymore and fired me. There were tears."
"I find your sarcasm neither amusing nor productive, Miss Brown." Percy shook his head. How in the world had he ended living with this woman? Having her around all the time? Sitting in the bathroom in his house, drinking wine out of the bottle while his son read Captain Underpants in the room just down the hall?
"It's a little funny," Lavender said, grinning. "Actually, nothing's particularly funny today, but it's better laughing than doing anything else at the present. And sitting in the loo drinking wine is a great way to end the day."
He just sighed, and worked on pulling the long braid over his shoulder and moving the plaits apart from one another. It was soothing to run his hands through his hair, even if it made him think of Regan.
"Mayhap. I could wear gold leather pants and prance about as a fairy, if you thought it would help," he offered, a ghost of a smile flitting over his face.
Lavender leaned forward, resting her arm along the edge of the tub as she smiled in his direction. "The real question becomes, Mr. Weasley, where did you purchase these golden leather pants, and are they actually in a drawer in your room?"
"Custom order from a lovely woman in Greece, and not in a drawer. I've been told I'm stunning in them, like the sun god." He pushed his hair out of the way and bat his eyelashes.
"Then they're in the closet." Lavender laughed as she pulled herself to her feet, pushing the shower curtain out of the way. "These I have to see."
"If you insist," Percy sighed, pulling himself up so that she wouldn't tear though his closet. He resisted the urge to pinch his nose.
It was for the good of man kind.
It was for the good of keeping his son from seeing a fully nude woman until he was at least in Hogwarts.
"You may not rifle through my clothing, Lav."
"I may not listen to your may nots," she said as she pulled the bathroom door open and started towards his room. "Besides, you're the one who admitted to having gold pants. Oh!" She turned, stopping in the hallway, glass of wine still in her hand, "do they flare out at the sides? Do you have matching boots? Do you think they'd fit me?"
"Perhaps, and probably, though they'd be a bit long on you. I'm sure you could hem them. They'd be dashing with the silver knickers and the bronze brassiere, to complete the metallic trifecta," Percy replied dryly, pinching his nose as she made a squeal of delight when she pulled open the door to his wardrobe.
"Is this really all that necessary?"
"No," Lavender said, faltering. One of her hands still held the glass of wine, the other brushing over some of the sweaters in his wardrobe. They were soft under her fingers. His closet was a lot fuller than hers was. She'd been trying to fill what she'd lost, but it was taking more time.
"But it's more fun than I've had in a while, and it's distracting, and right now, distraction is probably a good thing. And the wine, of course," she said, grinning a bit as she took another drink. "As for your taste in my knickers, three different shades of metallic would be a horrible combination, you silly man," she teased, corner of her mouth lifting as she turned her attention back to his clothes.
"Really? So, you were thinking nude or similar shading? Wouldn't that be too much? I'm not sure what the rules are, or if I should even care or inquire." His eyes flicked over Lavender as she moved through his clothing. He wondered what she was thinking. He knew it was probably a bit over organized, by type and then color. He'd seen her closet, and didn't know how she could find a thing.
"Trying too hard to match is obvious. You have to use pops of color, something that draws the eye. I'm not sure I'd be able to pull off the gold leather, honestly. I would, however, love to see you in them." She looked over her shoulder at him, smile bright. "Sun God."
"I've not had nearly enough to drink for that, nor do I have the correct undergarments on."
"You mean none? You don't wear underwear under tight leather pants. Well, maybe you do," she said, taking a step back from his closet. "I can't believe you have your wardrobe matched by color," she murmured, though it was a lie. She wouldn't have expected anything less from Percy Weasley.
"It makes it easier to make sure you're nor pilfering my cashmere," he teased, watching as she pulled said leather trousers out of the wardrobe. It wasn't worth quibbling about it; he considered summoning another bottle of wine.
"I look better in most of it," she smiled, setting her glass of wine on his dresser before holding the pants up to her own body, judging. "There's no way I could fit these."
"You've more curve than me, obviously," Percy said frankly, tapping her on her left hip. "Part of me would still like to watch you try, just for chuckles."
Lavender grinned, "my mother called them my 'birthing hips'." Smile fading slightly, a bit of the light leaving her eyes, she shook her head of the dark thoughts trying to impose. She needed the distraction, and if Percy wanted to laugh at her trying to fit into his too-tight leather pants, then it wasn't a problem to do so.
Shaking the pants out, she put her left foot in them first, pulling them up to her thigh before stepping into them with her right. She pulled them up to her knees, jumping a bit in an effort to pull them higher. Lavender grabbed the hem of her skirt, lifting it until it was held against her chest by her chin, hazel eyes looking down her body as she attempted to pull the leather over her hips.
His eyes widened a bit at the leopard print set of kickers Lavender was sporting, before he roared with laughter as she hopped around the room, trying to make the leather stretch to accommodate the feminine curve of bum and hips. "Perhaps a lubricating charm?" He managed to get out between bursts of laughter.
"Hey!" Lavender leveled a glare in his direction, even as she breathed a little heavier from her attempts to fit into the obviously too-small bottoms. She reached out to slap at him, but with the pants still tight around her legs, she pushed herself off balance. Letting out a clumsy 'oh!' she managed to fall in the direction of his bed, landing on it on her back.
Sighing, Lavender laid there, slightly frustrated. "Oh!" Planting her heels firmly into the mattress, she took a deep breath in, lifting her arse off the bed as she tried to pull them on in her current position.
He really had nothing to add at this point, having completely collapsed onto the floor, eyes glued to Lavender's form. They both knew it was futile.
The Futile Golden Trousers, indeed.
"I'm glad you're enjoying this," she said through gritted teeth. She wasn't sure why it mattered that she could fit into his golden leather pants, but she didn't want to admit defeat. "Enough of a show?"
He waved his hand in agreement. "What if I just wanted to see your knickers?"
"You could have asked," she said, busy trying to now dislodge herself from the pants she'd minutes before been so intent on pulling on. Perhaps his idea of a lubrication charm wasn't such a bad idea after all. "You've seen most of them anyway. Consequences of our laundry getting crossed."
"And we're always so meticulous," he said as he hauled himself off the floor and grabbed a pant leg in each hand and tugged.
"Why don't you hold on to the headboard, just there."
Narrowing her eyes slightly at his offer to help, as he'd been more than happy laughing at her large-hipped misfortune just seconds ago, she did as he said, wrapping her hands around his headboard and holding on. "Do it."
He chuckled, saying, "Oh, such sweet words fall from thy lips, lady." He tugged, grinning when the trousers moved down a few inches. "One last tug should do it."
"Hold on," Lavender said, dropping one of her hands from the headboard to grab the top of her knickers. "These don't need to go too," she said, laughing.
"And ruin my fun," Percy grunted as the pants finally slipped free. "Satisfied? I have gold leather pants."
"Mmmhmm," Lavender said, smoothing the bottom of her dress over her thighs. She moved up on his bed, mounding the pillows behind her as she tucked her legs under herself. "Though I'm still amazed. I try to think of what you were like before I stalked and harrassed you into being my friend, and it's hard to imagine."
"I wore silver short shorts."
"My view of you is forever changed."
Summary: Lavender's received some bad news, and Percy makes her feel a bit better with the help of a pair of golden leather pants.
"Yes, Jackson?" Percy pushed his glasses back up his nose before setting down his book to look at his son.
"You know how when I sit in the bathtub for too long, after the heating charm has gone away and all my toes and fingers look like raisins?"
"I have seen evidence of such," Percy replied, wondering why Jack was asking.
"If I were in there for a really long time, I mean hours, would I shrivel up into nothing?" Jack was clearly distressed by this prospect.
"No, your skin can only hold so much moisture. You would just be very pruny."
"Oh, good, because Lavender has been in the bathtub since right before you got home, and that was three hours ago, and I wouldn't want her to shrivel into nothing."
It wasn't unusual for Lavender to take a bath. In fact, she could be heard singing from the loo in the hallway when she was particularly relaxed.
Three hours was a bit extreme, though.
"Perhaps she's been taken by pirates," Percy ventured, smiling and ruffling his son's hair, much to his displeasure. "Shall we investigate?"
Jackson nodded, his book placed gently on the side table before he shot out of the room and down the stairs, his father following at a more sedate place.
Percy could hear the wireless coming from behind the door, and he knocked while Jack appeared with his own sword.
"For the pirates," Jack said at Percy's look.
"Lavender? Are you all right in there?"
Lavender's hazel gaze flicked in the direction of the door, though the shower curtain was pulled shut, hiding her from view. The side of the glass of red wine was pressed to her lips, as she blinked past her clouded thoughts. "Fine," she answered, adjusting in the tub. She wasn't sure why she'd found her way into the bathroom after receiving Justin's response, but it had seemed like a spot she'd be able to get some privacy.
She should have known better. It wasn't uncommon for her to be taking a shower and hear Percy come into the bathroom for something. Or to criticize her singing voice.
Dammit.
"I'm fine," she said, sitting up, pulling her skirt farther down her legs. It was a little odd, being in the tub fully clothed, but the sound was echoing and that was in someway a little comforting.
Percy's eyebrow went up, and he shooed Jack back down the hall, indicating that no rescuing was needed, and he would be going in himself. Jack giggled his response, running back down the hallway and up the stairs to his book, the door to the attic slamming shut.
Peeking his head into the bathroom, Percy noted the lack of humidity, and the bottle of wine next to the tub.
"Have enough to share, Lav?"
Her fingers wrapped around the edge of the shower curtain, pulling it back enough to look out at him. "I wouldn't if you had waited ten more minutes," she answered, sighing as she threw the curtain back completely. "I heard something about pirates."
"We wanted to make sure you hadn't been kidnapped on the high seas," Percy replied, entering the loo, and sitting on the floor opposite of the tub, against the door. He snagged the bottle of wine, tipping it back and taking a swig.
"Hard day?"
Lavender let out a sarcastic and hollow laugh, swallowing the rest of what was in her glass.
"I've decided that being an adult is overrated and that I'd like to go back to being in school, if possible. It was all so much easier then. You get dumped by a large Red Gorilla and you can just hate him and talk bad about him to everyone you've ever met, and then, after a few weeks of crying your eyes out in the dorms at night and snogging Blaise Zabini in dark corridors, you move on. None of this 'I'm really happy for you' rubbish."
"I think Blaise Zabini is married now, but I'm sure he has numbers in his book, somewhere," Percy said slowly. "Is there something about which to be happy, or in your case, not happy?"
Holding a hand over the porcelain of the tub for the bottle of wine he'd commandeered, she sighed loudly. "Justin, in the few months he's been away, has found someone new at the Ministry of Magic in South Africa. She's apparently very nice and he assures me I'd like her."
Leaning over the edge when he wasn't moving fast enough for her, she pulled the bottle from Percy's grasp, filling her glass with a generous amount. "Tell me, Perce, are all men thick? He thinks I'd like her? He thinks I'd like her? He couldn't have written that and not known how completely and utterly false it would be. I actually told him I'd move there if he wanted me to, if he thought we could still work, and then he says I'd like her if I met her."
She was rambling, but it wasn't the first time Percy had been subjected to it. When her emotions got the best of her, she just continued talking, the words flowing past her lips without much thought. The red wine didn't impede this process at all and, in fact, helped in most cases.
He wanted to punch Justin in the face, but thought that wouldn't bide well for either party. That, and he'd have to go to South Africa, and it would be entirely too complicated.
"If it makes you feel any better, I've broken off my .... relations with Regan. I'm fairly certain she wants to lite me on fire."
If it makes me feel any better?, Lavender thought to herself, but decided not to say that part aloud. "I know," she said, sipping the wine as she peered at him over the edge of the tub.
"What do you mean you know?" He'd not told anyone, though he was sure that Gwen was quite aware, he was also sure that Gwen Jones and Lavender did not run in the same circles.
"I work," she shook her head, "worked, for your brother. Things are not as secret at you think they are. Though you could have fooled me with how long you let it go without saying anything."
"Well, I haven't figured out quite how to tell Jack yet, and what do you mean worked? Fred didn't let you go, did he?" Percy demanded, sitting up straighter from where he leaned on the door.
"Yeah. He decided he didn't like me anymore and fired me. There were tears."
"I find your sarcasm neither amusing nor productive, Miss Brown." Percy shook his head. How in the world had he ended living with this woman? Having her around all the time? Sitting in the bathroom in his house, drinking wine out of the bottle while his son read Captain Underpants in the room just down the hall?
"It's a little funny," Lavender said, grinning. "Actually, nothing's particularly funny today, but it's better laughing than doing anything else at the present. And sitting in the loo drinking wine is a great way to end the day."
He just sighed, and worked on pulling the long braid over his shoulder and moving the plaits apart from one another. It was soothing to run his hands through his hair, even if it made him think of Regan.
"Mayhap. I could wear gold leather pants and prance about as a fairy, if you thought it would help," he offered, a ghost of a smile flitting over his face.
Lavender leaned forward, resting her arm along the edge of the tub as she smiled in his direction. "The real question becomes, Mr. Weasley, where did you purchase these golden leather pants, and are they actually in a drawer in your room?"
"Custom order from a lovely woman in Greece, and not in a drawer. I've been told I'm stunning in them, like the sun god." He pushed his hair out of the way and bat his eyelashes.
"Then they're in the closet." Lavender laughed as she pulled herself to her feet, pushing the shower curtain out of the way. "These I have to see."
"If you insist," Percy sighed, pulling himself up so that she wouldn't tear though his closet. He resisted the urge to pinch his nose.
It was for the good of man kind.
It was for the good of keeping his son from seeing a fully nude woman until he was at least in Hogwarts.
"You may not rifle through my clothing, Lav."
"I may not listen to your may nots," she said as she pulled the bathroom door open and started towards his room. "Besides, you're the one who admitted to having gold pants. Oh!" She turned, stopping in the hallway, glass of wine still in her hand, "do they flare out at the sides? Do you have matching boots? Do you think they'd fit me?"
"Perhaps, and probably, though they'd be a bit long on you. I'm sure you could hem them. They'd be dashing with the silver knickers and the bronze brassiere, to complete the metallic trifecta," Percy replied dryly, pinching his nose as she made a squeal of delight when she pulled open the door to his wardrobe.
"Is this really all that necessary?"
"No," Lavender said, faltering. One of her hands still held the glass of wine, the other brushing over some of the sweaters in his wardrobe. They were soft under her fingers. His closet was a lot fuller than hers was. She'd been trying to fill what she'd lost, but it was taking more time.
"But it's more fun than I've had in a while, and it's distracting, and right now, distraction is probably a good thing. And the wine, of course," she said, grinning a bit as she took another drink. "As for your taste in my knickers, three different shades of metallic would be a horrible combination, you silly man," she teased, corner of her mouth lifting as she turned her attention back to his clothes.
"Really? So, you were thinking nude or similar shading? Wouldn't that be too much? I'm not sure what the rules are, or if I should even care or inquire." His eyes flicked over Lavender as she moved through his clothing. He wondered what she was thinking. He knew it was probably a bit over organized, by type and then color. He'd seen her closet, and didn't know how she could find a thing.
"Trying too hard to match is obvious. You have to use pops of color, something that draws the eye. I'm not sure I'd be able to pull off the gold leather, honestly. I would, however, love to see you in them." She looked over her shoulder at him, smile bright. "Sun God."
"I've not had nearly enough to drink for that, nor do I have the correct undergarments on."
"You mean none? You don't wear underwear under tight leather pants. Well, maybe you do," she said, taking a step back from his closet. "I can't believe you have your wardrobe matched by color," she murmured, though it was a lie. She wouldn't have expected anything less from Percy Weasley.
"It makes it easier to make sure you're nor pilfering my cashmere," he teased, watching as she pulled said leather trousers out of the wardrobe. It wasn't worth quibbling about it; he considered summoning another bottle of wine.
"I look better in most of it," she smiled, setting her glass of wine on his dresser before holding the pants up to her own body, judging. "There's no way I could fit these."
"You've more curve than me, obviously," Percy said frankly, tapping her on her left hip. "Part of me would still like to watch you try, just for chuckles."
Lavender grinned, "my mother called them my 'birthing hips'." Smile fading slightly, a bit of the light leaving her eyes, she shook her head of the dark thoughts trying to impose. She needed the distraction, and if Percy wanted to laugh at her trying to fit into his too-tight leather pants, then it wasn't a problem to do so.
Shaking the pants out, she put her left foot in them first, pulling them up to her thigh before stepping into them with her right. She pulled them up to her knees, jumping a bit in an effort to pull them higher. Lavender grabbed the hem of her skirt, lifting it until it was held against her chest by her chin, hazel eyes looking down her body as she attempted to pull the leather over her hips.
His eyes widened a bit at the leopard print set of kickers Lavender was sporting, before he roared with laughter as she hopped around the room, trying to make the leather stretch to accommodate the feminine curve of bum and hips. "Perhaps a lubricating charm?" He managed to get out between bursts of laughter.
"Hey!" Lavender leveled a glare in his direction, even as she breathed a little heavier from her attempts to fit into the obviously too-small bottoms. She reached out to slap at him, but with the pants still tight around her legs, she pushed herself off balance. Letting out a clumsy 'oh!' she managed to fall in the direction of his bed, landing on it on her back.
Sighing, Lavender laid there, slightly frustrated. "Oh!" Planting her heels firmly into the mattress, she took a deep breath in, lifting her arse off the bed as she tried to pull them on in her current position.
He really had nothing to add at this point, having completely collapsed onto the floor, eyes glued to Lavender's form. They both knew it was futile.
The Futile Golden Trousers, indeed.
"I'm glad you're enjoying this," she said through gritted teeth. She wasn't sure why it mattered that she could fit into his golden leather pants, but she didn't want to admit defeat. "Enough of a show?"
He waved his hand in agreement. "What if I just wanted to see your knickers?"
"You could have asked," she said, busy trying to now dislodge herself from the pants she'd minutes before been so intent on pulling on. Perhaps his idea of a lubrication charm wasn't such a bad idea after all. "You've seen most of them anyway. Consequences of our laundry getting crossed."
"And we're always so meticulous," he said as he hauled himself off the floor and grabbed a pant leg in each hand and tugged.
"Why don't you hold on to the headboard, just there."
Narrowing her eyes slightly at his offer to help, as he'd been more than happy laughing at her large-hipped misfortune just seconds ago, she did as he said, wrapping her hands around his headboard and holding on. "Do it."
He chuckled, saying, "Oh, such sweet words fall from thy lips, lady." He tugged, grinning when the trousers moved down a few inches. "One last tug should do it."
"Hold on," Lavender said, dropping one of her hands from the headboard to grab the top of her knickers. "These don't need to go too," she said, laughing.
"And ruin my fun," Percy grunted as the pants finally slipped free. "Satisfied? I have gold leather pants."
"Mmmhmm," Lavender said, smoothing the bottom of her dress over her thighs. She moved up on his bed, mounding the pillows behind her as she tucked her legs under herself. "Though I'm still amazed. I try to think of what you were like before I stalked and harrassed you into being my friend, and it's hard to imagine."
"I wore silver short shorts."
"My view of you is forever changed."
Summary: Lavender's received some bad news, and Percy makes her feel a bit better with the help of a pair of golden leather pants.