Insane people are always sure that they are fine.
Megan approached the man slowly. She was in Hogsmeade in her Jane Gnomes suit. No one knew there was a killer mingling with them, in the bakery. He must be waiting for her. He was pacing the walk out front.
"Blaise Zabini?"
He paused in his pacing and furrowed his brow. Blaise didn't recognize the woman in front of him at all. She wasn't one of the many faces from the wedding, nor was she a past fling. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"You do not," Megan replied, extending a hand. "I'm Jane Gnomes. I work for the Department of the Census in the Ministry. I just wanted to congratulate you on you recent nuptials and apologize for missing the wedding."
She pulled a wrapped box from her bag.
"This will be for you and your wife when you are together."
"Right," Blaise said as he shrunk the package and put it in his pocket. "Thank you for the gift. I'll be sure to tell Hannah that you stopped by. Are you going in to see her?"
"I was already inside, enjoying a pastry," Megan replied, smiling falsely.
It was going to be so funny if she decided to punish him for being a blood traitor. Everyone had been so full of irritation that he had married a Mudblood. Megan was was tempted to show him what happened to bad boys who didn't stay true.
"Excellent. I'll let the girls know that you enjoyed it."
It was almost unnerving how she was staring at him. "You said you worked for the new Census department. How's that coming?" he asked, an edge creeping into his voice.
"It's all boring paperwork so far, but we're about to start building ancestry for people. That will be a bit more fun."
Really Megan would rather her face be melted off, But Jane Gnomes was a dedicated Ministry employee. She had to play the part.
Blaise snorted. "You and I have very different definitions of fun, but the best of luck to you with your paperwork and ancestry. Thanks for the present. I might just have to peek at it."
Megan started laughing. She couldn't help it.
He was looking at her oddly.
She needed to retake her polyjuice, but Megan was going to play a little game. While staring right at him, she let the potion wear off.
Blaise immediately stepped back, recognizing the bubbling skin. Polyjuice. Whoever was in front of him was not wearing their own skin. He immediately reached for his wand, thinking Pucey or Warrington was planning on making a move. He was not prepared for the female face he had seen on wanted posted posted in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade to appear.
"Son of a bitch," he hissed.
"I'm going to kill your wife," Megan said before she disapparated.
She was not giving him and chance to get his wand. There was only one problem with her fun - now Megan had to get a new disguise. And get rid of the real Jane Gnomes.
Blaise tore through the bakery and into the back, hoping beyond hope that Jones hadn't apparated to get Hannah or any of the other workers.
"Hannah?!" Immediately, he started looking around for Sarah and James.
"Why on earth are you shouting, Blaise? You'll scare the customers," Hannah said as she walked out, wiping her hands on a towel.
"Because Megan fucking Jones was just in here eating one of your things wearing someone else's skin. She's been parading around in polyjuice," he replied, quickly getting a head count of the workers.
"That's not a funny joke," she snapped, hoping to hell he was joking.
Megan had killed people. She'd killed Ernie.
"And I'm not fucking joking Hannah! She stood in front of me, told me she was going to kill you, and then disappeared. Does this look like my joking face?" Blaise snapped at her.
Hannah grabbed his arm and pulled him into the back.
"Tell me what happened."
"Stop dragging me everywhere! Is everyone here? Have you seen them drink anything every hour? Have any of them acted strangely?" he quickly asked, looking around.
"No. Why? Do you think she would have been so bold? Was she in here? She was in here? In my bakery? Oh you just let her come back. I'll poke her eye out."
Blaise clenched his jaw and tried not to let the anger completely wash over him. "Yes she was in here. Didn't I just bloody well say that? She stopped me outside and gave me--"
He stopped, the present he had shrunk felt like it was burning his pocket now that he remembered it was there. Immediately, he used his wand to remove it from his pocket and float it to the table. Blaise tried every detection charm he could think of, but there was no hex or curse on the box.
"Part of me wants to burn this and never look inside, but another part is just too damn curious. She told me it was our wedding present."
Hannah looked at him with wide eyes. What on earth could Megan Psychotic Nutter Jones possibly give them? She grabbed a giant cookie sheet and held it in front of them like a shield.
"All right. Open it."
Despite the seriousness of the moment, Blaise rolled his eyes. "Never let anyone tell you that you are anything but a Hufflepuff." She used the cookie sheet to swat him in the arm. After glaring at her for it, Blaise opened the top of the present slowly, almost gagging at the smell.
"Salazar, what the bloody fuck is it?"
Hannah gasped. "It's a dead bird."
She was horrified. Hannah used her wand to banish it out the back door. A chill went down her spine. She supposed she should report this to Harry or one of the Aurors.
"Well that was a shitty present." Hannah glared at him. "Well it was!"
Blaise really couldn't think of anything less than a smartass comment to make. He was a bit in shock.
"And to think that... that bitch went to Ernie's funeral with me. Oh, I'd like to poke her right in the eye with my wand. Now I'm going to have to owl the MLE. There will be Aurors here..."
She sighed loudly.
"Well I guess I'll have to stay then, won't I? Bugger, and I told Weasley this would be a short lunch. Can I at least have a biscuit while I'm waiting?"
Hannah smiled at him. "Let me make you a real lunch. A biscuit isn't sufficient."
He stayed in the back while Hannah owled the Ministry with the news about Jones and gladly ate the lunch Hannah supplied him with. She really was going to make him gain a stone and then his clothes wouldn't fit. When Ivy came to let Hannah know the Aurors had arrived, Blaise made a face. With the exception of Draco's cousin and soon to be Auror Magpie, he didn't really like the law enforcers.
"You go on, Hannah. I'm going to finish up and then join you."
Hannah kissed his cheek and walked out front. She inwardly groaned when she recognized Auror Burke. She didn't recognize the man with him, but he looked especially old and frail.
"Afternoon, Mrs. Zabini," Burke said with a huge grin. "You're looking lovely today."
Tombs slapped him in the back of the head. Then he looked at Hannah and smiled. He was missing a tooth.
"Auror Tombs, Mrs. Zabini."
All the customers were eying them curiously.
"Why don't we step into the back? It was actually my husband that saw."
The Aurors followed her.
"Blaise, this is Auror Burke and Auror Tombs. This is my husband, Blaise Zabini. He was approached by Megan Jones."
Burke blinked. "And you let her get away?"
Blaise wiped his mouth. "Well, actually she was late for another appointment so I invited her over for tea later. She promised to bring me more dead animals." His sarcastic smile was quickly gone. "You idiot, by the time the polyjuice wore off, she said about five words to me and apparated away! Pardon me for not finding out where she was going after she declared she was going to kill my wife."
Tombs hit Burke in the back of the head.
"What did she say to you? Anything you can tell us might help."
Hannah looked at Blaise.
Blaise crossed his arms and glared at the stupid Auror. "Before or after she let the Polyjuice wear off?" He was going to make this damn near impossible for them if they continued to snap at him like that.
Tombs pointed at the other side of the room. Burke reluctantly shuffled that way.
"We're looking for clues. What did she look like in the polyjuice, Mr. Zabini," Tombs asked.
He sighed. "Shall I put the memory in a pensieve for you? To be honest, she looked like an ex of mine and those faces all tend to run together." Blaise grunted when Hannah nudged him in the back. "What?"
"The woman said she was going to kill me," Hannah said. "You were awfully worried about it earlier. Now you're making jokes."
And it was because he was worried that he was making jokes. "Fine. My height, skinny as a twig, brown hair, but she had it partially up. She said her name was Jane Gnomes and that she was working with the new Census Department." Blaise smirked. "Sounds like there's trouble in the Ministry."
Burke had snagged a biscuit and was now choking on it.
"What the devil is your damage, man? Will you at least try to act like a professional," Tombs barked. "I thought Moody trained you?"
"There really is a Jane Gnomes that works in the Census Department who fits that description," Burke rasped. "I asked her out once."
"Of course you did." Tombs rolled his eyes and looked back at Zabini.
"How do you know she was using polyjuice," Burke asked.
Tombs pointed at him. "You are now on verbal probation. Not another word."
Verbal probation? Hannah pursed her lips not to grin.
"Sorry about that. Anything else you can think of?"
Blaise smirked at Burke. "I'm a Potions Master. I think I'd know when I saw a person's skin bubble into an entirely different person." He turned to the other Auror. "She gave me a present and told me it a wedding present for Hannah and myself. It was a dead bird."
Not being able to resist ribbing the other Auror, Blaise summoned it back into the box that had been laying on the counter. "Looks like this could have been yours if she'd said yes. Imagine what you would have gotten on the second date. Probably your skin peeled off."
"Blaise," Hannah scolded.
"Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Zabini. We'll be in touch. If you think of anything else, please don't hesitate to contact us."
The Aurors showed themselves out.
Hannah grinned. "He called me Mrs. Zabini."
Blaise shook his head. "That's your name, isn't it? Hannah Zabini? For someone unknown reason you actually wanted to marry me?" He sighed. "You know, I always thought that someone might come after you because of me. I think it's the other way 'round. You're the one with all the crazies coming after you. I just have jealous ex-girlfriends."
Hannah rolled her eyes.
{SUMMARY} Blaise has a run-in with Megan Jones.
"Blaise Zabini?"
He paused in his pacing and furrowed his brow. Blaise didn't recognize the woman in front of him at all. She wasn't one of the many faces from the wedding, nor was she a past fling. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"You do not," Megan replied, extending a hand. "I'm Jane Gnomes. I work for the Department of the Census in the Ministry. I just wanted to congratulate you on you recent nuptials and apologize for missing the wedding."
She pulled a wrapped box from her bag.
"This will be for you and your wife when you are together."
"Right," Blaise said as he shrunk the package and put it in his pocket. "Thank you for the gift. I'll be sure to tell Hannah that you stopped by. Are you going in to see her?"
"I was already inside, enjoying a pastry," Megan replied, smiling falsely.
It was going to be so funny if she decided to punish him for being a blood traitor. Everyone had been so full of irritation that he had married a Mudblood. Megan was was tempted to show him what happened to bad boys who didn't stay true.
"Excellent. I'll let the girls know that you enjoyed it."
It was almost unnerving how she was staring at him. "You said you worked for the new Census department. How's that coming?" he asked, an edge creeping into his voice.
"It's all boring paperwork so far, but we're about to start building ancestry for people. That will be a bit more fun."
Really Megan would rather her face be melted off, But Jane Gnomes was a dedicated Ministry employee. She had to play the part.
Blaise snorted. "You and I have very different definitions of fun, but the best of luck to you with your paperwork and ancestry. Thanks for the present. I might just have to peek at it."
Megan started laughing. She couldn't help it.
He was looking at her oddly.
She needed to retake her polyjuice, but Megan was going to play a little game. While staring right at him, she let the potion wear off.
Blaise immediately stepped back, recognizing the bubbling skin. Polyjuice. Whoever was in front of him was not wearing their own skin. He immediately reached for his wand, thinking Pucey or Warrington was planning on making a move. He was not prepared for the female face he had seen on wanted posted posted in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade to appear.
"Son of a bitch," he hissed.
"I'm going to kill your wife," Megan said before she disapparated.
She was not giving him and chance to get his wand. There was only one problem with her fun - now Megan had to get a new disguise. And get rid of the real Jane Gnomes.
Blaise tore through the bakery and into the back, hoping beyond hope that Jones hadn't apparated to get Hannah or any of the other workers.
"Hannah?!" Immediately, he started looking around for Sarah and James.
"Why on earth are you shouting, Blaise? You'll scare the customers," Hannah said as she walked out, wiping her hands on a towel.
"Because Megan fucking Jones was just in here eating one of your things wearing someone else's skin. She's been parading around in polyjuice," he replied, quickly getting a head count of the workers.
"That's not a funny joke," she snapped, hoping to hell he was joking.
Megan had killed people. She'd killed Ernie.
"And I'm not fucking joking Hannah! She stood in front of me, told me she was going to kill you, and then disappeared. Does this look like my joking face?" Blaise snapped at her.
Hannah grabbed his arm and pulled him into the back.
"Tell me what happened."
"Stop dragging me everywhere! Is everyone here? Have you seen them drink anything every hour? Have any of them acted strangely?" he quickly asked, looking around.
"No. Why? Do you think she would have been so bold? Was she in here? She was in here? In my bakery? Oh you just let her come back. I'll poke her eye out."
Blaise clenched his jaw and tried not to let the anger completely wash over him. "Yes she was in here. Didn't I just bloody well say that? She stopped me outside and gave me--"
He stopped, the present he had shrunk felt like it was burning his pocket now that he remembered it was there. Immediately, he used his wand to remove it from his pocket and float it to the table. Blaise tried every detection charm he could think of, but there was no hex or curse on the box.
"Part of me wants to burn this and never look inside, but another part is just too damn curious. She told me it was our wedding present."
Hannah looked at him with wide eyes. What on earth could Megan Psychotic Nutter Jones possibly give them? She grabbed a giant cookie sheet and held it in front of them like a shield.
"All right. Open it."
Despite the seriousness of the moment, Blaise rolled his eyes. "Never let anyone tell you that you are anything but a Hufflepuff." She used the cookie sheet to swat him in the arm. After glaring at her for it, Blaise opened the top of the present slowly, almost gagging at the smell.
"Salazar, what the bloody fuck is it?"
Hannah gasped. "It's a dead bird."
She was horrified. Hannah used her wand to banish it out the back door. A chill went down her spine. She supposed she should report this to Harry or one of the Aurors.
"Well that was a shitty present." Hannah glared at him. "Well it was!"
Blaise really couldn't think of anything less than a smartass comment to make. He was a bit in shock.
"And to think that... that bitch went to Ernie's funeral with me. Oh, I'd like to poke her right in the eye with my wand. Now I'm going to have to owl the MLE. There will be Aurors here..."
She sighed loudly.
"Well I guess I'll have to stay then, won't I? Bugger, and I told Weasley this would be a short lunch. Can I at least have a biscuit while I'm waiting?"
Hannah smiled at him. "Let me make you a real lunch. A biscuit isn't sufficient."
He stayed in the back while Hannah owled the Ministry with the news about Jones and gladly ate the lunch Hannah supplied him with. She really was going to make him gain a stone and then his clothes wouldn't fit. When Ivy came to let Hannah know the Aurors had arrived, Blaise made a face. With the exception of Draco's cousin and soon to be Auror Magpie, he didn't really like the law enforcers.
"You go on, Hannah. I'm going to finish up and then join you."
Hannah kissed his cheek and walked out front. She inwardly groaned when she recognized Auror Burke. She didn't recognize the man with him, but he looked especially old and frail.
"Afternoon, Mrs. Zabini," Burke said with a huge grin. "You're looking lovely today."
Tombs slapped him in the back of the head. Then he looked at Hannah and smiled. He was missing a tooth.
"Auror Tombs, Mrs. Zabini."
All the customers were eying them curiously.
"Why don't we step into the back? It was actually my husband that saw."
The Aurors followed her.
"Blaise, this is Auror Burke and Auror Tombs. This is my husband, Blaise Zabini. He was approached by Megan Jones."
Burke blinked. "And you let her get away?"
Blaise wiped his mouth. "Well, actually she was late for another appointment so I invited her over for tea later. She promised to bring me more dead animals." His sarcastic smile was quickly gone. "You idiot, by the time the polyjuice wore off, she said about five words to me and apparated away! Pardon me for not finding out where she was going after she declared she was going to kill my wife."
Tombs hit Burke in the back of the head.
"What did she say to you? Anything you can tell us might help."
Hannah looked at Blaise.
Blaise crossed his arms and glared at the stupid Auror. "Before or after she let the Polyjuice wear off?" He was going to make this damn near impossible for them if they continued to snap at him like that.
Tombs pointed at the other side of the room. Burke reluctantly shuffled that way.
"We're looking for clues. What did she look like in the polyjuice, Mr. Zabini," Tombs asked.
He sighed. "Shall I put the memory in a pensieve for you? To be honest, she looked like an ex of mine and those faces all tend to run together." Blaise grunted when Hannah nudged him in the back. "What?"
"The woman said she was going to kill me," Hannah said. "You were awfully worried about it earlier. Now you're making jokes."
And it was because he was worried that he was making jokes. "Fine. My height, skinny as a twig, brown hair, but she had it partially up. She said her name was Jane Gnomes and that she was working with the new Census Department." Blaise smirked. "Sounds like there's trouble in the Ministry."
Burke had snagged a biscuit and was now choking on it.
"What the devil is your damage, man? Will you at least try to act like a professional," Tombs barked. "I thought Moody trained you?"
"There really is a Jane Gnomes that works in the Census Department who fits that description," Burke rasped. "I asked her out once."
"Of course you did." Tombs rolled his eyes and looked back at Zabini.
"How do you know she was using polyjuice," Burke asked.
Tombs pointed at him. "You are now on verbal probation. Not another word."
Verbal probation? Hannah pursed her lips not to grin.
"Sorry about that. Anything else you can think of?"
Blaise smirked at Burke. "I'm a Potions Master. I think I'd know when I saw a person's skin bubble into an entirely different person." He turned to the other Auror. "She gave me a present and told me it a wedding present for Hannah and myself. It was a dead bird."
Not being able to resist ribbing the other Auror, Blaise summoned it back into the box that had been laying on the counter. "Looks like this could have been yours if she'd said yes. Imagine what you would have gotten on the second date. Probably your skin peeled off."
"Blaise," Hannah scolded.
"Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Zabini. We'll be in touch. If you think of anything else, please don't hesitate to contact us."
The Aurors showed themselves out.
Hannah grinned. "He called me Mrs. Zabini."
Blaise shook his head. "That's your name, isn't it? Hannah Zabini? For someone unknown reason you actually wanted to marry me?" He sighed. "You know, I always thought that someone might come after you because of me. I think it's the other way 'round. You're the one with all the crazies coming after you. I just have jealous ex-girlfriends."
Hannah rolled her eyes.
{SUMMARY} Blaise has a run-in with Megan Jones.