Caught here in a fiery blaze, won't lose my will to stay
soooo.
thanksgiving break was pretty good.
thanksgiving day i went to Steak & Ale for lunch. went back to my grandparents' house and watched tv and talked to Tyler. friday we did errands and sat around and stuff. saturday i went to the Magic Kingdom with Meriah, Tyler, and William. we were there from 8:45-11:30 or so. it was a lot of fun. we went on 13 different rides lol =) crazy crazy. sunday i did homework and sat around and went to church. robin, mike, grandma, and papa came over to celebrate my mom's birthday. i was in my room on the computer while they played games. i talked to tyler and some other people online. fun fun fun.
this week at school has been okay. i'm really tired and sunday night i randomly got sick again. yeahhh. nothing exciting really this week... did a presentation in spanish, got a 100%. nothing else...
i'm still feeling pretty crappy a lot of the time... but i dunno. hanging out with my friends normally makes me feel better because they make me laugh and see the good things in my life. i just reallyyyyyyyy hate being like this. always sad and never satisfied with myself and everything else. maybe i brought all of this upon myself because of something i did wrong. but i have no idea what is causing it. and i always feel stupid trying to talk about it with my friends because there's SO MUCH stuff i feel that i don't know where to begin on explaining it. and i know they are always there for me, but i'm sure they're tired of hearing me complain and talk about feeling all blah and yadda yadda. they don't deserve that from me. my friends deserve the opposite. talking to me about other stuff. or whatever. BLKJSDLFKJ i don't know. i just want to be happy. and i'm too much of a people-pleaser to take risks and stuff. ahh soo randommmm. i guess i feel unloved and not appreciated and like i'm being used or like my friends only want to talk to me when i'm not all moody or sad and stuff; i understand i'm no fun to be around when i'm like that... maybe i'm expecting too much. it's my problem and i shouldn't be looking to other people to make me happy. but i just don't know what to do for myself to fix it. =/ it doesn't help to see everyone else around me happy and laughing and hanging out with their friends and having a great time while i sit there by myself just watching. call me sensitive, call me what you will... but it's just how i feel. i never write in this stupid thing about this kind of stuff because it won't make any sense and i'll just be judged by it. i hate being judged; i feel so exposed and it's unfair. i'm such a wimp. i can't accept the fact that there sldkfjlk. never mind. sighhhhhhh. i dunno what to do or say or think or feel or want or miss or need or how to make myself happy or cry or laugh or remember... they say time mends things but so far time is just screwing with my mind. gotta love it.
blahhh i'm done. i don't know what else to say.
thanksgiving break was pretty good.
thanksgiving day i went to Steak & Ale for lunch. went back to my grandparents' house and watched tv and talked to Tyler. friday we did errands and sat around and stuff. saturday i went to the Magic Kingdom with Meriah, Tyler, and William. we were there from 8:45-11:30 or so. it was a lot of fun. we went on 13 different rides lol =) crazy crazy. sunday i did homework and sat around and went to church. robin, mike, grandma, and papa came over to celebrate my mom's birthday. i was in my room on the computer while they played games. i talked to tyler and some other people online. fun fun fun.
this week at school has been okay. i'm really tired and sunday night i randomly got sick again. yeahhh. nothing exciting really this week... did a presentation in spanish, got a 100%. nothing else...
i'm still feeling pretty crappy a lot of the time... but i dunno. hanging out with my friends normally makes me feel better because they make me laugh and see the good things in my life. i just reallyyyyyyyy hate being like this. always sad and never satisfied with myself and everything else. maybe i brought all of this upon myself because of something i did wrong. but i have no idea what is causing it. and i always feel stupid trying to talk about it with my friends because there's SO MUCH stuff i feel that i don't know where to begin on explaining it. and i know they are always there for me, but i'm sure they're tired of hearing me complain and talk about feeling all blah and yadda yadda. they don't deserve that from me. my friends deserve the opposite. talking to me about other stuff. or whatever. BLKJSDLFKJ i don't know. i just want to be happy. and i'm too much of a people-pleaser to take risks and stuff. ahh soo randommmm. i guess i feel unloved and not appreciated and like i'm being used or like my friends only want to talk to me when i'm not all moody or sad and stuff; i understand i'm no fun to be around when i'm like that... maybe i'm expecting too much. it's my problem and i shouldn't be looking to other people to make me happy. but i just don't know what to do for myself to fix it. =/ it doesn't help to see everyone else around me happy and laughing and hanging out with their friends and having a great time while i sit there by myself just watching. call me sensitive, call me what you will... but it's just how i feel. i never write in this stupid thing about this kind of stuff because it won't make any sense and i'll just be judged by it. i hate being judged; i feel so exposed and it's unfair. i'm such a wimp. i can't accept the fact that there sldkfjlk. never mind. sighhhhhhh. i dunno what to do or say or think or feel or want or miss or need or how to make myself happy or cry or laugh or remember... they say time mends things but so far time is just screwing with my mind. gotta love it.
blahhh i'm done. i don't know what else to say.