on procrastination
It's been a little over three months since I decided this was the year I'd apply to graduate school and I have applied to two schools so far. Well, almost two, I still need to mail in one other document to Northern Arizona University. Two schools in three months. I'm sure if I did it one go I could fill out the application in less than an hour but I seem to only be capable of focusing on it for about ten minutes usually spread 3-4 days apart.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and this manifested itself massively in procrastination. The day I didn't lose points for not having done my homework was rare indeed. And this was before I had the internet to distract me. It took a minute to find the right medication since I was also getting migraines almost daily and Ritalin intensified them. They helped keep me sensibly attentive in class but homework was always a problem.
During my senior year at college I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and taken off my med (Dextroamphetamine, some hardcore old school shit from the seventies) because it intensified my manic periods. I was depressed for the next 3 years, severely in the first 6-12 months after graduation, discontent with my life as an unemployed or minimum wage employee and convinced of my inability to achieve my dream of being a professional anthropologist which made it easy not to try.
That's always been the key. I don't like failing and the surest way not to fail is not to try. Recently though, I've delved back into my first true love, taking non-degree classes at one of the nearby universities. I had a great talk with the head of the department who encouraged me to pursue my goal because he thought I was capable of it.
3 months ago, I had a truly horrible day at work and decided this would be the year I applied (also it's the last year my GRE score will be valid and I will do anything in my power to keep me from taking another refresher Algebra II class). I know the best way I can be sure I'll get accepted somewhere is to apply to as many schools as I can. One professor suggested at least six. At the rate I'm going I might be able to make that by all the deadlines (most are December '12- February '13) but I also might not. And as terrified as I am of not getting accepted anywhere, I'm also scared of being accepted and still letting my tendency towards procrastination get in the way.