grief
i just got a phone call from one of my close friends in SF. my dear friends and former roommates just suffered a terrible loss-- their son died in utero. he was two days over due and he suddenly stopped moving. they couldn't find a heartbeat. they induced her and he was still born on Saturday morning.
my heart is broken for them. i wish i could carry a portion of their grief for them, anything to lighten the load. my dears, my beloved ones, i am so very sorry.
i have spent the morning crying, with the baby looking at me with his big grin, which only sets me off again. of course, today he crawls for the first time, so i am also intermittently laughing and cursing as he finds his way into more trouble than i could have imagined. baby proofing, right.
have been meditating on long term plans. right now, it is likely that i will move to Austin in February of 2011. that is what feels right, plus the baby will be almost two, which is an age i feel good about putting him in daycare, plus i just got a promotion and a raise, which i would like to milk for a bit, plus in February of 2011, i am vested in my company's pension plan. also, if we renew our lease in Feb, in one year, our lease would terminate right when i was looking to move. so that all combines to feel a bit providential. Evan would be young enough to still transition fairly well, i think, but old enough that daycare starts to feel like a good idea, rather than a last resort. nothing is official yet, and some details of our living arrangement have to be ironed out to accommodate grown up needs (ahem), but our living situation is really ideal, except for the part where neither of us has started dating.
tonight, i have a birthday dinner/yoga date with a girlfriend. much needed. hope to find a quiet heart on my mat.
my heart is broken for them. i wish i could carry a portion of their grief for them, anything to lighten the load. my dears, my beloved ones, i am so very sorry.
i have spent the morning crying, with the baby looking at me with his big grin, which only sets me off again. of course, today he crawls for the first time, so i am also intermittently laughing and cursing as he finds his way into more trouble than i could have imagined. baby proofing, right.
have been meditating on long term plans. right now, it is likely that i will move to Austin in February of 2011. that is what feels right, plus the baby will be almost two, which is an age i feel good about putting him in daycare, plus i just got a promotion and a raise, which i would like to milk for a bit, plus in February of 2011, i am vested in my company's pension plan. also, if we renew our lease in Feb, in one year, our lease would terminate right when i was looking to move. so that all combines to feel a bit providential. Evan would be young enough to still transition fairly well, i think, but old enough that daycare starts to feel like a good idea, rather than a last resort. nothing is official yet, and some details of our living arrangement have to be ironed out to accommodate grown up needs (ahem), but our living situation is really ideal, except for the part where neither of us has started dating.
tonight, i have a birthday dinner/yoga date with a girlfriend. much needed. hope to find a quiet heart on my mat.