WTF College?
Sometimes I just wonder what the fuck when it comes to my college courses. I’ve been in and out of college since 2004 and somewhere along the way something changed. There was a shift in the curriculum it seemed. Earlier, it was manageable. Not easy, but manageable to juggle a part time job an d full time school schedule. You could study and do homework while at the same time being able to work to pay the bills. Once in a while, when you were (almost) caught up or even maybe slightly ahead you could do something on the weekends. You could even go ahead and do something on the weekends when you were behind. And yah, you would slip up and probably have to cram for a quiz or test a day or two before - or stay up all night writing a 3 page paper. That was expected because if you didn’t’ manage your time well - put your homework before your free time then that would often be the consequence.
Well somewhere along the way that changed. I’m not the brainiest student to attend college. I’ve wavered back and forth between majors for seven years. Having switched from the arts to science, I expected a change, to be a little harder perhaps but still manageable. I have never struggled to keep my head above water so hard while doing everything right.
The fact that I can spend a full weekend of work and going straight home to study and do homework - and still not be done come Monday morning seems terribly off. The fact that one class - an entry level class - actually takes up so much time that it affects my ability to study and participate in my other class seems wrong. IT IS wrong. Instead of dividing my attention and effort equally between my three classes (two of which have a lab, which are in a sense their own classes themselves) I have to dedicate 90% of my time into ONE subject and the other two get whatever tail end of energy I have left.
The fact that despite putting all of these hours, attending every class and every lab that I still am scoring below average grades along with over 75% of the class. I didn’t expect it to be easy. I can’t say I expected it to be nearly impossible.
I have never felt so defeated in a subject that I normally love to spend time with. The amount of times I’ve looked at the tasks assigned to me and stared at them in helpless wonder of “Why? Why is this something I must memorize?” And the frustration that follows when I do memorize a broad expanse of said subject, only to be tested on very small, specific parts. There is no guidance. There is no desire from my professors to see success. They revel in their student’s failure with smiles on their faces. It’s sick.
I’m sick of it. I want to give up. It is SICKENING.
But I’m too stubborn to quit. So I will try. I may fail and that… that will be devastating in itself. But I will try again. I’ve never had this problem until the last few years in college. Something has changed… all around. From my community college to the University I attend now - it is the same in the essence that failure is expected and seemingly encouraged.
So I have no time to sit and chat with friends. My time at work is consumed with worry and fretting over homework and studying that I don’t have time to do - instead of focusing on my job. I feel guilty taking time to spend time with my family on the weekends - which I only get to see once a week if I’m lucky, once every other week if I choose to stay home and stay buried in books. The thing is there is never a break from it. I think that is what’s driving me mad. There is no light at the end of a tunnel - just an endless loop…
Well somewhere along the way that changed. I’m not the brainiest student to attend college. I’ve wavered back and forth between majors for seven years. Having switched from the arts to science, I expected a change, to be a little harder perhaps but still manageable. I have never struggled to keep my head above water so hard while doing everything right.
The fact that I can spend a full weekend of work and going straight home to study and do homework - and still not be done come Monday morning seems terribly off. The fact that one class - an entry level class - actually takes up so much time that it affects my ability to study and participate in my other class seems wrong. IT IS wrong. Instead of dividing my attention and effort equally between my three classes (two of which have a lab, which are in a sense their own classes themselves) I have to dedicate 90% of my time into ONE subject and the other two get whatever tail end of energy I have left.
The fact that despite putting all of these hours, attending every class and every lab that I still am scoring below average grades along with over 75% of the class. I didn’t expect it to be easy. I can’t say I expected it to be nearly impossible.
I have never felt so defeated in a subject that I normally love to spend time with. The amount of times I’ve looked at the tasks assigned to me and stared at them in helpless wonder of “Why? Why is this something I must memorize?” And the frustration that follows when I do memorize a broad expanse of said subject, only to be tested on very small, specific parts. There is no guidance. There is no desire from my professors to see success. They revel in their student’s failure with smiles on their faces. It’s sick.
I’m sick of it. I want to give up. It is SICKENING.
But I’m too stubborn to quit. So I will try. I may fail and that… that will be devastating in itself. But I will try again. I’ve never had this problem until the last few years in college. Something has changed… all around. From my community college to the University I attend now - it is the same in the essence that failure is expected and seemingly encouraged.
So I have no time to sit and chat with friends. My time at work is consumed with worry and fretting over homework and studying that I don’t have time to do - instead of focusing on my job. I feel guilty taking time to spend time with my family on the weekends - which I only get to see once a week if I’m lucky, once every other week if I choose to stay home and stay buried in books. The thing is there is never a break from it. I think that is what’s driving me mad. There is no light at the end of a tunnel - just an endless loop…