(no subject)
Sam and I have made it 6 years. That's a good amount of time for a marriage, especially one that seemed, if not doomed, not a good idea.
It's a mixed bag for me these days. I feel like Sam has really stepped up in some areas, especially where Ethan is concerned, and it gives me some hope about my own child-bearing future. After two years in Lake County, I have finally made some friends and it makes a huge difference. I don't know if anyone realized just how lonely I was. In addition, with little Sam and Ethan around so much nowadays, I almost always have someone to do things with. I also usually have a fantastic dinner to look foward to every night I don't have some civic obligation to attend to. Let's take yesterday when Lil S made us steak with a spinach-goat cheese-bacon salad with a couple of tomato slices thrown on the side. Paired with a Guenoc 2005 Cab, I felt like everything was right in the world. I told Ethan that eating a good meal was just as good as being on vacation. It's the little things. If we could own the bnb for the foreseable future, if I could maintain some motivation to keep things in order, if I knew there would always be good food and my family, I think I would be ok.
On the other hand, while I am used to my job I still do not like it. It is a crazy (and sometimes nasty) cast of characters in a cursed building. I get angry now. More angry then I ever have before and it makes me act out in ways that are unhealthy. I'd like to think eating better and proper excercise would line me out, but I'm now looking at drugs as an option. Something has to change where my work is concerned, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to whine, I want to do something to improve my situation. Drugs will be a last resort, but it's getting to where I don't have much left.
Sam still isn't awesome about anniversary gifts. After 6 years, I REALLY REALLY REALLY should know better. And I say that every year. As least he got me something I expressed interest in.
I think dinner at the CIA later. And a new hammock and silverware for the bnb.
It's a mixed bag for me these days. I feel like Sam has really stepped up in some areas, especially where Ethan is concerned, and it gives me some hope about my own child-bearing future. After two years in Lake County, I have finally made some friends and it makes a huge difference. I don't know if anyone realized just how lonely I was. In addition, with little Sam and Ethan around so much nowadays, I almost always have someone to do things with. I also usually have a fantastic dinner to look foward to every night I don't have some civic obligation to attend to. Let's take yesterday when Lil S made us steak with a spinach-goat cheese-bacon salad with a couple of tomato slices thrown on the side. Paired with a Guenoc 2005 Cab, I felt like everything was right in the world. I told Ethan that eating a good meal was just as good as being on vacation. It's the little things. If we could own the bnb for the foreseable future, if I could maintain some motivation to keep things in order, if I knew there would always be good food and my family, I think I would be ok.
On the other hand, while I am used to my job I still do not like it. It is a crazy (and sometimes nasty) cast of characters in a cursed building. I get angry now. More angry then I ever have before and it makes me act out in ways that are unhealthy. I'd like to think eating better and proper excercise would line me out, but I'm now looking at drugs as an option. Something has to change where my work is concerned, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to whine, I want to do something to improve my situation. Drugs will be a last resort, but it's getting to where I don't have much left.
Sam still isn't awesome about anniversary gifts. After 6 years, I REALLY REALLY REALLY should know better. And I say that every year. As least he got me something I expressed interest in.
I think dinner at the CIA later. And a new hammock and silverware for the bnb.