Monday Funnies
Subject: Headlines For The Year 2029
* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail de! livery t o Wednesdays only.
* 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.
* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 82.7 percent.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally . . scientists stumped.
* Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine.