Try again..
It has come to my attention that I don't communicate well. Hell, I barely communicate at all. I'm going to try and change that.
In part this is because I expect to be moving away and, when people do get in contact with me and ask "what have you been up to?" I might be inclined to do more than grunt "work".
Yes, work. I have become "intense and humorless" (See Midwinter's Tale). I swore at a young age that I would not forget what the world looks like through young eyes. But, I have done. I used to be able to claim that I didn't need alchohol to do the things drunk people did. Now, I still don't need it, but there is a noticeable lack of that personality when I am sober.
Thus, I suspect that people have come to know me as either 'intense and humorless' or as a drunken frat boy, depending on the venue.
I'm afraid my passions have become my obsessions and obsessions tend to leave little room for humor - for living. The obsession becomes more important than living. It places you in a position where you stop living (or neglect to start) until such time as the obsession is taken care of.
And, of course, when you are obsessed, "no one can possibly understand." Your vision goes farther, your insight is keener and they all need to shut up and listen to you. But everything you say becomes non-sense.
So, you step back and try again (A beginning). and again and again - trying perhaps to convince others of your authority. But to have authority, you think, you must be free of vulnerability. And thus, I had forgotten the second most important rule of my life -
The best way to combat personal vulnerability is to expose it. Thus, you are forced to deal with it and, in so doing, you remove it from your enemies' hands. Once dealt with, it no longer burdens you and you are free to go on.
I have reduced this important rule to mere clownishness.
In case you are wondering, I do know the meaning of life, even though I'd forgotten it. It's not as easy as any of us would hope though.
The purpose of life is to live.
In part this is because I expect to be moving away and, when people do get in contact with me and ask "what have you been up to?" I might be inclined to do more than grunt "work".
Yes, work. I have become "intense and humorless" (See Midwinter's Tale). I swore at a young age that I would not forget what the world looks like through young eyes. But, I have done. I used to be able to claim that I didn't need alchohol to do the things drunk people did. Now, I still don't need it, but there is a noticeable lack of that personality when I am sober.
Thus, I suspect that people have come to know me as either 'intense and humorless' or as a drunken frat boy, depending on the venue.
I'm afraid my passions have become my obsessions and obsessions tend to leave little room for humor - for living. The obsession becomes more important than living. It places you in a position where you stop living (or neglect to start) until such time as the obsession is taken care of.
And, of course, when you are obsessed, "no one can possibly understand." Your vision goes farther, your insight is keener and they all need to shut up and listen to you. But everything you say becomes non-sense.
So, you step back and try again (A beginning). and again and again - trying perhaps to convince others of your authority. But to have authority, you think, you must be free of vulnerability. And thus, I had forgotten the second most important rule of my life -
The best way to combat personal vulnerability is to expose it. Thus, you are forced to deal with it and, in so doing, you remove it from your enemies' hands. Once dealt with, it no longer burdens you and you are free to go on.
I have reduced this important rule to mere clownishness.
In case you are wondering, I do know the meaning of life, even though I'd forgotten it. It's not as easy as any of us would hope though.
The purpose of life is to live.