Ok... you're right. I have a problem.
I have a gambling problem. It's bad. After losing $500 three weeks ago I said I was done. I went tonight. I was feeling vulnerable. argh. I lost $650. I don't have $1150 to lose in a month.
The weird part is that I don't really care that much. I don't like $. Growing up I loved... no desired $. It was an insatiable need I had. Now I despise it. It does awful things to people. Like me.
I stayed at a friends til 1am last night playing. I won $55. It was uneventful. The point is- I didn't leave even though I had to wake at 6 to be to work this morning. Yes, high school teachers do work saturdays sometimes. I volunteered to proctor Regents exams. "Hey, a quick $150! after taxes. sweet." You see what I do for $? THen I go and blow over 3 times that amount.
I don't know how I feel about it all. I have this deep desire for $, yet I could care less when it goes. Gambling is something I love. crave. I always eat cheap, look for sales and rarely spend $ frivolously. In fact, I get so angry when my friends tell me of the $300 hair jobs they receive or $250 sunglasses they buy. How dare I?
I don't know what to do about it all. I have a ton to update but I'm tired. After all, it's 6:15am, I just got home from playing poker with the mafia and I've been up for 24 hours. I think we've got a problem on our hands.
In other news, I no longer have the upper hand with him and it freaks me out. I'm not trying to justify playing poker- but it was my comfort for the blah-ness. I had it... and I lost it. I want it back. I think we're nearing the end. Sad. I just have to find a way to pick a different comforting tangible. night kids.
The weird part is that I don't really care that much. I don't like $. Growing up I loved... no desired $. It was an insatiable need I had. Now I despise it. It does awful things to people. Like me.
I stayed at a friends til 1am last night playing. I won $55. It was uneventful. The point is- I didn't leave even though I had to wake at 6 to be to work this morning. Yes, high school teachers do work saturdays sometimes. I volunteered to proctor Regents exams. "Hey, a quick $150! after taxes. sweet." You see what I do for $? THen I go and blow over 3 times that amount.
I don't know how I feel about it all. I have this deep desire for $, yet I could care less when it goes. Gambling is something I love. crave. I always eat cheap, look for sales and rarely spend $ frivolously. In fact, I get so angry when my friends tell me of the $300 hair jobs they receive or $250 sunglasses they buy. How dare I?
I don't know what to do about it all. I have a ton to update but I'm tired. After all, it's 6:15am, I just got home from playing poker with the mafia and I've been up for 24 hours. I think we've got a problem on our hands.
In other news, I no longer have the upper hand with him and it freaks me out. I'm not trying to justify playing poker- but it was my comfort for the blah-ness. I had it... and I lost it. I want it back. I think we're nearing the end. Sad. I just have to find a way to pick a different comforting tangible. night kids.