(no subject)
I am working on it...........
I am working on getting myself back into school. It has been rough but I finally am able to go back no more financial worries past December. I get to bring in the new year with a fresh out look.
So no one really reads this journal of mine. Its fine. I don't think I write for anyone really. Writing is just a way to clear my thoughts to replace them with new ones and to make me feel at ease. Half the time it gets things out in the open without really bugging someone that doesn't really wanna know anyway. So what's the point of me writing tonight I guess I'll let you in on my thoughts and concerns that have been filling my silly little head.
I can start off by saying I have always been the one that has been left out, left behind and never considered. I seem to always be that invisible girl. Now that I am with Kurt I don't feel like that any longer until we are not together, but there isn't much I can do about that. We live far from each other and my work schedule and his schedule don't seem to favor each other to much. I can't even go into detail how much I miss him. He just makes every little worry that I have disappear and nothing else matter then us. I truly love him.
When I think back I have let past relationships lead my current one. I think that is what my problem has been and because I did that I ended up just expecting to get hurt and in the end of each and ever relationship I was hurt or both of us were. So my I have been trying to go by what I tell others Don't look at your past as a bad thing cause not every moment was bad learn from the mistakes and Improve. Never live in the past look forward to your future. So I have pretty much been taking my advice. I am not letting the past lead me into my future.... I actually see a real future with this one......
I was walking home from work today and I saw a mother and daughter sitting in their front yard on a blanket. I want that one day. not just the hanging out with my children part but the hole house and loving family. I see myself in the future with my white two story home with my three children and a dog. I imagine Kurt coming home from work and we are all one big happy family. I just hope that When that time comes for us that we wont be fighting as much as I remember my parents did. Yeah they love each other but that scared me growing up and I don't want my children to have to feel that way.
Well I can write more but I have to get ready for bed so I can wake up in time for work in the morning..... So good Night