...burnt out...
I hit my breaking point today. I thought I had things under control, but as in all things in life, the rug got pulled from underneath me.
I took my third LSAT diagnostic yesterday, and it wasn't pretty. I'm still not sure what happened, but I just couldn't seem to focus. Nothing was sinking in, and it was as if I hadn't learned anything in my TestMasters class whatsoever. I'm currently scheduled to take the June 12 test, but I just don't think that I'm prepared for it. I keep holding out thinking that one day, it'll all just start to make sense, but that day just doesn't seem like it's coming any time soon. Because of this, I've decided to postpone my test date to either December or February. I still haven't decided which one yet, but I'm hoping those extra couple of months will be sufficient for me to achieve the score that I want. Postponing my test date, however, means delaying my admission for another year, but I guess another year of work experience won't be that bad. The difficult part about all of this is reconciling the feeling that everyone is passing me by. I know this supposed timeline is self-imposed and socially constructed, but knowing that doesn't resolve the feelings of inadequacy that I have. Ugh, I just want to be done with this test already...
Aside from this depressing part of my life that is LSATs, I guess everything else in my life is going well. Work is still draining, and there's far too much of it, but at least it's paying the bills. I miss Paul though...
I didn't think that a long distance relationship would be this difficult to bear, mainly because my last relationship was also a long distance one and I was able to get through it. It's different with Paul though. There was hardly a day that we didn't spend with each other when he was still up here, so not being able to see or feel him for even one day is utterly painful. Fortunately, work and LSATs have been keeping me busy, but there's still hardly a minute that passes by that I don't think of him. I miss him, and that's an understatement...
When I was down in LA last weekend for Mother's Day and to drop Paul off, I had the chance to sit down with my parents and look over some of our old photo albums. I had seen them before, but never really thought about trying to connect what I saw with what we lived through. Seeing as how I'll be returning back to Cambodia in less than two months time though, I thought it'd be good to try to finally piece things together. For your viewing pleasure, and my embarrassment, here are some pics...
this was me in our hut in Sisophon. Yes, I was a chubby little baby, and I loved food then just as I do now.
my mom trying to give me a bath, haha. I think I was screaming, "I'm not dirty mommy!"
on our plantation
I had the attention span of a two year old, oh wait, I was two year's old, haha.
my dad and me
my sister and me - whoa, look at my belly, haha
I was a nerd then and I'm a nerd now
this is where my mom worked at in the Khao-I-Dang Refugee Camp in Thailand, she's the one at the very end
my dad being trained as a jeweler at the Camp
this was the day our number was finally called for us to leave the refugee camp and be resettled, this time in the US
at the airport
on the plane - I couldn't stop staring at her. I think she was nice though.
still on the plane - we were heading for Tokyo for a brief stay
my mommy - I think she looks like a model here. Geez, she's so beautiful!
me on the playground
I love my mommy!
one of my birthdays - haha, don't worry Beh (uncle), I know how to cut a cake, hehe
after serving each adult a slice of the birthday cake, they all proceeded to feed me a bite of their cake
I think this was after Sunday school
haha, dork in the making
my mom liked dressing me up in suits, lol
one of the first Christmases that I can remember...good times!
our home in Cambodia...can't wait to go back!
I took my third LSAT diagnostic yesterday, and it wasn't pretty. I'm still not sure what happened, but I just couldn't seem to focus. Nothing was sinking in, and it was as if I hadn't learned anything in my TestMasters class whatsoever. I'm currently scheduled to take the June 12 test, but I just don't think that I'm prepared for it. I keep holding out thinking that one day, it'll all just start to make sense, but that day just doesn't seem like it's coming any time soon. Because of this, I've decided to postpone my test date to either December or February. I still haven't decided which one yet, but I'm hoping those extra couple of months will be sufficient for me to achieve the score that I want. Postponing my test date, however, means delaying my admission for another year, but I guess another year of work experience won't be that bad. The difficult part about all of this is reconciling the feeling that everyone is passing me by. I know this supposed timeline is self-imposed and socially constructed, but knowing that doesn't resolve the feelings of inadequacy that I have. Ugh, I just want to be done with this test already...
Aside from this depressing part of my life that is LSATs, I guess everything else in my life is going well. Work is still draining, and there's far too much of it, but at least it's paying the bills. I miss Paul though...
I didn't think that a long distance relationship would be this difficult to bear, mainly because my last relationship was also a long distance one and I was able to get through it. It's different with Paul though. There was hardly a day that we didn't spend with each other when he was still up here, so not being able to see or feel him for even one day is utterly painful. Fortunately, work and LSATs have been keeping me busy, but there's still hardly a minute that passes by that I don't think of him. I miss him, and that's an understatement...
When I was down in LA last weekend for Mother's Day and to drop Paul off, I had the chance to sit down with my parents and look over some of our old photo albums. I had seen them before, but never really thought about trying to connect what I saw with what we lived through. Seeing as how I'll be returning back to Cambodia in less than two months time though, I thought it'd be good to try to finally piece things together. For your viewing pleasure, and my embarrassment, here are some pics...
this was me in our hut in Sisophon. Yes, I was a chubby little baby, and I loved food then just as I do now.
my mom trying to give me a bath, haha. I think I was screaming, "I'm not dirty mommy!"
on our plantation
I had the attention span of a two year old, oh wait, I was two year's old, haha.
my dad and me
my sister and me - whoa, look at my belly, haha
I was a nerd then and I'm a nerd now
this is where my mom worked at in the Khao-I-Dang Refugee Camp in Thailand, she's the one at the very end
my dad being trained as a jeweler at the Camp
this was the day our number was finally called for us to leave the refugee camp and be resettled, this time in the US
at the airport
on the plane - I couldn't stop staring at her. I think she was nice though.
still on the plane - we were heading for Tokyo for a brief stay
my mommy - I think she looks like a model here. Geez, she's so beautiful!
me on the playground
I love my mommy!
one of my birthdays - haha, don't worry Beh (uncle), I know how to cut a cake, hehe
after serving each adult a slice of the birthday cake, they all proceeded to feed me a bite of their cake
I think this was after Sunday school
haha, dork in the making
my mom liked dressing me up in suits, lol
one of the first Christmases that I can remember...good times!
our home in Cambodia...can't wait to go back!