...rock and a hard place...
I've spent all day in my room trying to work on my film, but I haven't gotten very far. Every time I started to get somewhere, the thought of moving again crept into my mind and I was distracted and depressed all over again. I'm so frustrated because I just don't know what to do...
I wrote my last posting when my emotions were running high, and I guess I shouldn't have been as harsh as I was, but that's how I felt at the moment. The anger has subsided somewhat, but I'm still clueless as to how I should proceed with this situation. I don't want him staying here because he feels guilty because then he'll just be miserable and I don't want him living here if he's gonna be miserable. At the same time, I really don't feel like moving, but I know that we have to come to some kind of compromise...
We finally had our follow-up talk as to how we both really feel and we're both a little more clear about the situation at hand, but still clueless as to what will happen in the following weeks/months. He reassured me that he won't run out on me, and that, in turn, made me really ashamed of myself for thinking that he would do that to me; I should have known better, but given my previous roommate experience, I honestly just don't know what I should think or believe nowadays...
Since finances are my main concern regarding moving, I did make one concession. I told him that I'd be willing to move if we could wait until mid-May or so and give some of my friends who would live with us the opportunity to graduate first, that way we could look for a bigger apartment in a better area, but still be able to keep rent low. I'm thinking this would be the best choice because even though I love living where I'm at, I think I would wind up living with a stranger, and I'm not too comfortable with that. Additionally, I would want to live with some of my other friends, and I guess moving would present that opportunity, but UGH! I STILL HATE MOVING! The very thought of having to move again is so incredibly draining in and of itself...
The other alternative still remains though. If I can find someone who I'd be willing to live with, then I would just stay and he would be free to move. He's willing to pay a premium to live in a more centralized and social location, and unfortunately, I can't afford that given what's in my future. Man, being an adult sucks. I just want to run away to Taiwan and teach English!
Man, I need to quit bitching and get back to work though. I'm gonna finish this freakin' film this week if it kills me!
I wrote my last posting when my emotions were running high, and I guess I shouldn't have been as harsh as I was, but that's how I felt at the moment. The anger has subsided somewhat, but I'm still clueless as to how I should proceed with this situation. I don't want him staying here because he feels guilty because then he'll just be miserable and I don't want him living here if he's gonna be miserable. At the same time, I really don't feel like moving, but I know that we have to come to some kind of compromise...
We finally had our follow-up talk as to how we both really feel and we're both a little more clear about the situation at hand, but still clueless as to what will happen in the following weeks/months. He reassured me that he won't run out on me, and that, in turn, made me really ashamed of myself for thinking that he would do that to me; I should have known better, but given my previous roommate experience, I honestly just don't know what I should think or believe nowadays...
Since finances are my main concern regarding moving, I did make one concession. I told him that I'd be willing to move if we could wait until mid-May or so and give some of my friends who would live with us the opportunity to graduate first, that way we could look for a bigger apartment in a better area, but still be able to keep rent low. I'm thinking this would be the best choice because even though I love living where I'm at, I think I would wind up living with a stranger, and I'm not too comfortable with that. Additionally, I would want to live with some of my other friends, and I guess moving would present that opportunity, but UGH! I STILL HATE MOVING! The very thought of having to move again is so incredibly draining in and of itself...
The other alternative still remains though. If I can find someone who I'd be willing to live with, then I would just stay and he would be free to move. He's willing to pay a premium to live in a more centralized and social location, and unfortunately, I can't afford that given what's in my future. Man, being an adult sucks. I just want to run away to Taiwan and teach English!
Man, I need to quit bitching and get back to work though. I'm gonna finish this freakin' film this week if it kills me!