Thoughts on coming out and identity
More random stuff I've been thinking about recently, particularly since the case of the door stickers the other day, because I'm in this weird situation of neither closeted nor truly out at Uni.
I am not actually out to my roommate, which at first glance seems like a rather large omission. We have a two-room double, so she has her room, I have mine, and our relationship is basically summed up by we don't bother each other. We talked for maybe 20 minutes on move in day about are families and where we're from, and since then we might say hi or bye to each other in passing. I would have to go out of my way to come out to her, and that just seems weird. On the other hand, isn't that leaving out a rather large part of my identity?
I specifically came out to my parents and my friends at home when I realized I was bi in 11th grade, because that was new information and important in the whole confusion and angst of the relationship/identity crisis I was having then. But since then I've never gone out of my way to come out to anyone. I don't hide anything and I'll mention it if it becomes relevant in a conversation: I'll tell people I'm going to any of the GLBTQ groups and events I'm involved with, just the same as I'd tell them I'm going to a writing group or a social dance event, I've written and read aloud about the aforementioned 11th grade relationship/identity crisis in the writing club I'm in, and when I was having dinner with my parents and an extremely Christian friend of mine and, in the strange turning that conversations take, was asked to list all the crushes I've ever had, I stuck to complete honesty, despite the awkwardness of the situation. Since I haven't had any romantic involvements in over a year and a half, and not even any real crushes for about half that time, it's been a moot point much of the time.
But I still feel a little bit guilty/dishonest, like I'm concealing a large part of my identity, or even saying it's not important to my identity.
What I've finally figured out is this; being bi is an important part of who I am. So are a lot of other things, and while some are more apparent at a glance than others, but none of them do I feel like I need to go out of my way to mention if the subject doesn't happen to come up. It's unlikely that anyone will mistake me for something other than a college-age white American female, but I wouldn't feel a need to shout it to the world even if they didn't notice. I'm a Unitarian Universalist with pantheist beliefs, but even though society has an annoying habit of assuming people are Christian unless proven otherwise, I don't feel like I'm trying to "pass" if I don't bring it up. Writing is integral to who I am, and I'll gladly tell you about my novel, but you might not know it if you didn't see me writing. Why should I treat my bisexuality any differently than any of these things?
I am not actually out to my roommate, which at first glance seems like a rather large omission. We have a two-room double, so she has her room, I have mine, and our relationship is basically summed up by we don't bother each other. We talked for maybe 20 minutes on move in day about are families and where we're from, and since then we might say hi or bye to each other in passing. I would have to go out of my way to come out to her, and that just seems weird. On the other hand, isn't that leaving out a rather large part of my identity?
I specifically came out to my parents and my friends at home when I realized I was bi in 11th grade, because that was new information and important in the whole confusion and angst of the relationship/identity crisis I was having then. But since then I've never gone out of my way to come out to anyone. I don't hide anything and I'll mention it if it becomes relevant in a conversation: I'll tell people I'm going to any of the GLBTQ groups and events I'm involved with, just the same as I'd tell them I'm going to a writing group or a social dance event, I've written and read aloud about the aforementioned 11th grade relationship/identity crisis in the writing club I'm in, and when I was having dinner with my parents and an extremely Christian friend of mine and, in the strange turning that conversations take, was asked to list all the crushes I've ever had, I stuck to complete honesty, despite the awkwardness of the situation. Since I haven't had any romantic involvements in over a year and a half, and not even any real crushes for about half that time, it's been a moot point much of the time.
But I still feel a little bit guilty/dishonest, like I'm concealing a large part of my identity, or even saying it's not important to my identity.
What I've finally figured out is this; being bi is an important part of who I am. So are a lot of other things, and while some are more apparent at a glance than others, but none of them do I feel like I need to go out of my way to mention if the subject doesn't happen to come up. It's unlikely that anyone will mistake me for something other than a college-age white American female, but I wouldn't feel a need to shout it to the world even if they didn't notice. I'm a Unitarian Universalist with pantheist beliefs, but even though society has an annoying habit of assuming people are Christian unless proven otherwise, I don't feel like I'm trying to "pass" if I don't bring it up. Writing is integral to who I am, and I'll gladly tell you about my novel, but you might not know it if you didn't see me writing. Why should I treat my bisexuality any differently than any of these things?