= 037 ♣
It hurts. So much. I haven't heard from him since... since the break-out. I shouldn't be worried - it's what he does. He's supposed to be good at hiding, right? But I can't... it's not fair. He's never hidden like this. I've searched everywhere. And he's never been gone this long before.
I mean, I know he had to heal, but the physical wounds should be gone by now. What if... I hurt him too much? Emotionally? It was... pretty traumatic, I know. What if he's up there to the Upper Level and didn't tell me? What if he's found someone else? What if he's gone?
Ugh. "What if." I'm sick of "what-if's." That's all I seem to ever be asking now. "What if this happens?" "What if that happens instead?" "What if the machina blows up?" "What if I can't ever find the wrench I need?"
E's vilgehk celg uv ed. Ev ra'c kuha, drah E'mm zicd veht cusauha amca, duu. E'ja kud Brother ymnayto, yht Nhadala crufat ib, duu. E ryja du bnudald Yunie, ajah ev Weiss ryc dryd sucdmo ihtan luhdnum nekrd huf, E drehg.
E lyh tu ed, duu. Zicd oui fydlr.
And I'm... confused. Not for the first time, but...
Why is it always about everyone else? It’s always, "Rikku's running around helping everyone else." "Just forget about Rikku, she’s fine, she can handle anything." Or something like that.
I should be used to it by now. It’s mostly my fault, anyway. It’s just the way I am, the way I’ve always been and always will be, I guess. Or maybe... it isn’t. It’s like... it’s never about me. I’m the one expected to give and give, but no one ever gives back. I made a promise to do what was best for other people, and made them happy. I swore to keep smiles on people's faces. I have to do what everyone wants, not just what I want. If other people are happy, then I'm happy. It's selfish of me to think differently but... I can’t help it. I just want to know...
When is it my turn?
. . .
I seriously need a vacation. Or a drink. Nhadala, what're you doing right now? I know a place where we can go. Paine, you should come, too.
Brother, stay home and try not to get eaten by anything with an abnormally long tongue. I've heard there are a few fiends like that running around.
(OOC; Lol she's having a moment. ): Someone go with her while she gets drunk forgets about her worries, 'kay?)