I Hate Christmas or: How I Learned to Get De-Friended and Love my Mom
I hate Christmas. This wasn't a conscious decision; emotions come and go as they please. I've simply concluded that hate is the only way to describe a holiday that makes me feel how Christmas does.
Magic Jesus
I don't identify myself as a Christian. I wrote about this before, so I'll keep it brief. I do not celebrate the birth of Jesus. I think he is an interesting mythological character who can cast magic spells, died for mankind's sins, got resurrected, and left plot hooks for the Mormons to write a sequel.
Jesus doesn't deserve a holiday any more than Gandalf, Odin, or Harry Potter, and he never got one. They renamed an existing holiday celebrated by many cultures in late December - early January known as Yuletide, Yule-tide, Yule-time, Yule, the Yules, Jul, etc. and added Jesus to it. It's been retconned. That's why you see nativity scenes from a desert randomly mixed in with the traditional displays of wreaths, snow, holly leaves, and mistletoe.
However, the Christian assimilation of Yuletide is merely an interesting detail that makes me feel a bit detached. The true enemy wears red.
Santa Claus, Corporate Tool.
Capitalist infiltration. Capitalist indoctrination. Capitalist subversion. Capitalist conspiracy. This fucker's fat belly represents the greed of the elites who thought it all up, while the sack over his shoulder evokes images of cartoon robbers. Tell the slaves they must buy tons of stuff right before depreciation and taxes are figured. Tell the kids Santa will bring gifts so the parents feel obligated to purchase gifts. Tell the slaves they must work Christmas Eve so more gifts can be sold.
What's a capitalist without greed? Fictional. Greed is depressing and will never go away, but the resultant gift-exchange brings me down even more.
A Rather Odd Way of Looking at It
I enjoy giving if it brings pleasure to others. I'd give more to more people if it didn't make anybody feel awkward or jealous. I enjoy giving more than receiving. Exchanging is where it becomes problematic. In every situation, I received an explosion of awesome, and only had something disappointingly "nice" to give in return.
Really makes a guy feel inadequate.
Total Commitment
Despite the advertising, it's not even about spending. You know what the best gift I received was? A chainmail pouch my brother made. The materials were probably less than $5. However, he sat at a table and crimped all of those rings together with a pair of pliers to make it for me, and it is fucking awesome.
The best gift my mother received? A little book that my sister made containing photos of my nephew Nik and other family members. How do I know it is the best gift? The smile. I don't see my mother genuinely smile very often, and I am glad somebody in the family found a gift that could do that.
Without going into details, I failed in every exchange except perhaps with my brother. Everything else I did was botched, relatively cheap, or incomplete. I couldn't even buy a coat without screwing it up.
Can't we just abolish the gift exchanging and go back to a simpler time?
The Redcoats are Coming!
Ever look at the lyrics to Deck the Halls? No Jesus. No Santa. Lots of happy singing, and some gay apparel.
This "gay apparel" is not fruity high-end men's clothing. It's festive clothing on pretty girls enticing you to kiss them beneath strategically placed mistletoe before you get hammered on spiked eggnog and wake up in a pile of tits, thighs, and precious bodily fluids. Jolly good idea.
My Yuletide celebrations will never be like that, but the point is that being happy and spending time with people you care about should be enough without the synchronized exchanges.
A Feeling of Emptiness Followed by a Loss of Essence
People are becoming more isolated. Arcades, Bowling Alleys, and Roller Rinks are all dying or dead here. People are instead working more hours, watching more television, and playing more solitary video games. Nobody knocks on anybody's door unexpectedly. Unless you like bars, there is no place to go and hang out or meet new people.
Then there is Facebook. The great deceiver. Apparently I have 96 friends. I know, everybody else has over 300. I like to believe I am more strict about who I friend. It doesn't matter. The point is that I don't live like a person with 96 friends. I remember when I only had 3 friends, but every day was a blast. Today, with 96 friends, I spend most of my evenings sitting home alone.
One day I grew frustrated with these imaginary friends and deleted half of my Facebook contacts. I regret that. The truth is that I want to stay in touch with anybody I have ever added on Facebook.
Christmas came along, and I actually have been hanging out with family and friends. It's nice, but temporary. Next week, everybody returns to their routines and I'm left with nothing but Facebook friends. I hate the inconsistency. I hate being reminded of all the fun I'm not having the other 50 weeks in a year.
Plan Rocco
Couldn't we just eliminate Christmas and follow these two simple rules all year long?
If you want to give somebody a gift, give them a gift. Why wait for the designated gift-exchanging day? Just give!
If you care about somebody, spend time with them. Why wait for the designated time-spending day? Just visit!
The world would be better if people expressed their appreciation for each other all year long instead saving it up for a contrived and commercialized ritual on one specific day. No?
Magic Jesus
I don't identify myself as a Christian. I wrote about this before, so I'll keep it brief. I do not celebrate the birth of Jesus. I think he is an interesting mythological character who can cast magic spells, died for mankind's sins, got resurrected, and left plot hooks for the Mormons to write a sequel.
Jesus doesn't deserve a holiday any more than Gandalf, Odin, or Harry Potter, and he never got one. They renamed an existing holiday celebrated by many cultures in late December - early January known as Yuletide, Yule-tide, Yule-time, Yule, the Yules, Jul, etc. and added Jesus to it. It's been retconned. That's why you see nativity scenes from a desert randomly mixed in with the traditional displays of wreaths, snow, holly leaves, and mistletoe.
However, the Christian assimilation of Yuletide is merely an interesting detail that makes me feel a bit detached. The true enemy wears red.
Santa Claus, Corporate Tool.
Capitalist infiltration. Capitalist indoctrination. Capitalist subversion. Capitalist conspiracy. This fucker's fat belly represents the greed of the elites who thought it all up, while the sack over his shoulder evokes images of cartoon robbers. Tell the slaves they must buy tons of stuff right before depreciation and taxes are figured. Tell the kids Santa will bring gifts so the parents feel obligated to purchase gifts. Tell the slaves they must work Christmas Eve so more gifts can be sold.
What's a capitalist without greed? Fictional. Greed is depressing and will never go away, but the resultant gift-exchange brings me down even more.
A Rather Odd Way of Looking at It
I enjoy giving if it brings pleasure to others. I'd give more to more people if it didn't make anybody feel awkward or jealous. I enjoy giving more than receiving. Exchanging is where it becomes problematic. In every situation, I received an explosion of awesome, and only had something disappointingly "nice" to give in return.
Really makes a guy feel inadequate.
Total Commitment
Despite the advertising, it's not even about spending. You know what the best gift I received was? A chainmail pouch my brother made. The materials were probably less than $5. However, he sat at a table and crimped all of those rings together with a pair of pliers to make it for me, and it is fucking awesome.
The best gift my mother received? A little book that my sister made containing photos of my nephew Nik and other family members. How do I know it is the best gift? The smile. I don't see my mother genuinely smile very often, and I am glad somebody in the family found a gift that could do that.
Without going into details, I failed in every exchange except perhaps with my brother. Everything else I did was botched, relatively cheap, or incomplete. I couldn't even buy a coat without screwing it up.
Can't we just abolish the gift exchanging and go back to a simpler time?
The Redcoats are Coming!
Ever look at the lyrics to Deck the Halls? No Jesus. No Santa. Lots of happy singing, and some gay apparel.
This "gay apparel" is not fruity high-end men's clothing. It's festive clothing on pretty girls enticing you to kiss them beneath strategically placed mistletoe before you get hammered on spiked eggnog and wake up in a pile of tits, thighs, and precious bodily fluids. Jolly good idea.
My Yuletide celebrations will never be like that, but the point is that being happy and spending time with people you care about should be enough without the synchronized exchanges.
A Feeling of Emptiness Followed by a Loss of Essence
People are becoming more isolated. Arcades, Bowling Alleys, and Roller Rinks are all dying or dead here. People are instead working more hours, watching more television, and playing more solitary video games. Nobody knocks on anybody's door unexpectedly. Unless you like bars, there is no place to go and hang out or meet new people.
Then there is Facebook. The great deceiver. Apparently I have 96 friends. I know, everybody else has over 300. I like to believe I am more strict about who I friend. It doesn't matter. The point is that I don't live like a person with 96 friends. I remember when I only had 3 friends, but every day was a blast. Today, with 96 friends, I spend most of my evenings sitting home alone.
One day I grew frustrated with these imaginary friends and deleted half of my Facebook contacts. I regret that. The truth is that I want to stay in touch with anybody I have ever added on Facebook.
Christmas came along, and I actually have been hanging out with family and friends. It's nice, but temporary. Next week, everybody returns to their routines and I'm left with nothing but Facebook friends. I hate the inconsistency. I hate being reminded of all the fun I'm not having the other 50 weeks in a year.
Plan Rocco
Couldn't we just eliminate Christmas and follow these two simple rules all year long?
If you want to give somebody a gift, give them a gift. Why wait for the designated gift-exchanging day? Just give!
If you care about somebody, spend time with them. Why wait for the designated time-spending day? Just visit!
The world would be better if people expressed their appreciation for each other all year long instead saving it up for a contrived and commercialized ritual on one specific day. No?