Deep Thinking?
So it was a Friday night and I was at home with my roommate...STUDYING. But I'm over that. We took a short break and talked for a long time...
I've been taking an Asian American Youth class this quarter and it really has got me thinking about my ethnicity. We learned this term: symbolic ethnicity, which is basically saying that you represent/act like your "ethnicity" on a certain event that allows it to come forth. For example, if you're Irish and you only act "Irish" on St. Patrick's Day. Or if you are Chinese and you only act Chinese on Chinese New Year. Other than that, you are pretty much an assimilated American acting like every other American person does. After learning this term, I wonder...do I fall into that category? For me, I identify myself as a Chinese-American. I am full Chinese yet I am 3rd generation here in the States. I do not know how to fluently speak my native language but know enough when my grandparents talk to me etc. Back to my contemplation of being symbolically ethnic, again, I do not want to associate myself with this term. I feel that I am not symbolically ethnic. I think that the things I do and the way I act is Chinese. Yet I do not speak my native language, so does that make me somehow less Chinese and therefore I cannot be fully Chinese? So if I'm not fully Chinese, am I only representing my culture on given holidays and celebrations of the year? For me, I feel that language does not represent a culture. A culture embodies not only language, but a way of life and a history of customs. So, I feel that others look at me as not Chinese because I can't speak my native language. Therefore, I question it myself. I cannot be fully Chinese because I don't speak the language. Let's face it. If you were to drop me off somewhere in China, I couldn't get around and they would know I'm American. They would label me American, not Chinese. But on the other hand, I cannot be fully American because of the color of my skin. I know our country has been fighting for equal rights and such but realistically, we cannot be fully accepted because our skin is yellow. I think that the "glass ceiling" really does exist but the severity depends on whether your environment is ethnically diverse. For example, I feel that in the Midwest somewhere where the Asian American population is nil, then more racism will occur thus the glass ceiling will hold its place. However, in an ethnically diverse place such as San Francisco, this would not occur as frequently because the people are culturally diverse. This leaves me nowhere, right? I'm can't be Chinese. I can't be American. This relates to when the Nisei (Japanese 2nd) generation had to forfeit their alliance to the Japanese emperor during WWII. If they did, they couldn't be Japanese nor American. I know...I know...it doesn't even compare but still....(please let me know if you are offended by this comparison as I will edit it out).
But then again, another type of ethnicity is called globalization ethnicity. This is where if your native country is economically doing well (like China right now), they you will embrace your ethnicity for capital gain. For example, here's a person applying for a job. This person is Chinese-American and right now, China's economy is rapidly rising. So companies assume that since China's doing well, and you are Chinese, then you will make the company a success. I mean hell, China's doing well and "you are from there" so you'll be great. I feel that this is a type of symbolic ethnicity because you only embrace your ethnicity at certain times. Only rather than celebrating it, you embrace it for the betterment of your career. Although I think that I'm not a symbolically ethnic Chinese, I think that I would embrace this globalization ethnicity. Is that being hypocritical? On one hand, I just spent a hell of a long time talking about how I didn't want to be this symbolically ethnic Chinese yet I'm willing to embrace it for capital gain. Yet on the other hand, my grandparents came to America so we could have more opportunities and have a better life. So if they came all the way here for that, I should try my best to have that better life they were trying to give. Is that being selfish?
Another thing that ties into my ethnicity is that fact that I listen to so much Japanese and Korean music and watch Japanese dramas. It's like, damn, I'm freaking Chinese yet I don't watch any Chinese dramas or listen to any Chinese music. For me, I stay away from these things because I can't understand what they are saying. I need the subtitles to watch it and I need to look up lyrical translations for the songs. It's kind of embarassing that I can't even understand my own native language. But I think that has a lot to do with how society sees Asian Americans. They expect us to understand our native language no matter our generation. But with Japanese and Korean music/dramas, it's understandable that I cannot comprehend what they are saying because "I'm not from there" so it's okay that I use subtitles. One side of me thinks that I should be more immerse with the Chinese pop culture, then I can learn more. But then I think, damn, I should already know all of this and I should know how my "own" pop culture works. Then that just makes me steer clear of it. Lately, I've been trying to listen to more Chinese music like Guang Liang and Jay Chou (I know....how cliche right??). I really like it and still, it's okay for me to not understand because they sing in Mandarin, and not Cantonese, my native language.
One more thing to add. Does anyone else feel like something is missing in their life? Like they haven't fulfill something or a their identity isn't quite whole? My roommate and I were talking about this. We feel that something is missing, we just don't know what. I feel that by seeing the world will help with this because it helps me understand the world better thus understand myself better. I want to travel to all of these foreign places yet when can I? I have a career goal set in my mind and that career isn't a traveling kind of job. It's one where I'll be centralized in one location for a very long time. And everyone says that this is the time to travel (I'm a 3rd year in college). Yet, I want to start working (career-wise) so I don't have to rely on my parents. Right now, my parents don't want me to work so I can focus on my studies. But I don't wanna rely on them so much. Plus, I want to travel and travel costs money. LOTS OF MONEY. So I need to work to get this money yet once I start working, I can't get the time off to do all of this travel I want to do...So what now? Who knows...
that's right....no one
I've been taking an Asian American Youth class this quarter and it really has got me thinking about my ethnicity. We learned this term: symbolic ethnicity, which is basically saying that you represent/act like your "ethnicity" on a certain event that allows it to come forth. For example, if you're Irish and you only act "Irish" on St. Patrick's Day. Or if you are Chinese and you only act Chinese on Chinese New Year. Other than that, you are pretty much an assimilated American acting like every other American person does. After learning this term, I wonder...do I fall into that category? For me, I identify myself as a Chinese-American. I am full Chinese yet I am 3rd generation here in the States. I do not know how to fluently speak my native language but know enough when my grandparents talk to me etc. Back to my contemplation of being symbolically ethnic, again, I do not want to associate myself with this term. I feel that I am not symbolically ethnic. I think that the things I do and the way I act is Chinese. Yet I do not speak my native language, so does that make me somehow less Chinese and therefore I cannot be fully Chinese? So if I'm not fully Chinese, am I only representing my culture on given holidays and celebrations of the year? For me, I feel that language does not represent a culture. A culture embodies not only language, but a way of life and a history of customs. So, I feel that others look at me as not Chinese because I can't speak my native language. Therefore, I question it myself. I cannot be fully Chinese because I don't speak the language. Let's face it. If you were to drop me off somewhere in China, I couldn't get around and they would know I'm American. They would label me American, not Chinese. But on the other hand, I cannot be fully American because of the color of my skin. I know our country has been fighting for equal rights and such but realistically, we cannot be fully accepted because our skin is yellow. I think that the "glass ceiling" really does exist but the severity depends on whether your environment is ethnically diverse. For example, I feel that in the Midwest somewhere where the Asian American population is nil, then more racism will occur thus the glass ceiling will hold its place. However, in an ethnically diverse place such as San Francisco, this would not occur as frequently because the people are culturally diverse. This leaves me nowhere, right? I'm can't be Chinese. I can't be American. This relates to when the Nisei (Japanese 2nd) generation had to forfeit their alliance to the Japanese emperor during WWII. If they did, they couldn't be Japanese nor American. I know...I know...it doesn't even compare but still....(please let me know if you are offended by this comparison as I will edit it out).
But then again, another type of ethnicity is called globalization ethnicity. This is where if your native country is economically doing well (like China right now), they you will embrace your ethnicity for capital gain. For example, here's a person applying for a job. This person is Chinese-American and right now, China's economy is rapidly rising. So companies assume that since China's doing well, and you are Chinese, then you will make the company a success. I mean hell, China's doing well and "you are from there" so you'll be great. I feel that this is a type of symbolic ethnicity because you only embrace your ethnicity at certain times. Only rather than celebrating it, you embrace it for the betterment of your career. Although I think that I'm not a symbolically ethnic Chinese, I think that I would embrace this globalization ethnicity. Is that being hypocritical? On one hand, I just spent a hell of a long time talking about how I didn't want to be this symbolically ethnic Chinese yet I'm willing to embrace it for capital gain. Yet on the other hand, my grandparents came to America so we could have more opportunities and have a better life. So if they came all the way here for that, I should try my best to have that better life they were trying to give. Is that being selfish?
Another thing that ties into my ethnicity is that fact that I listen to so much Japanese and Korean music and watch Japanese dramas. It's like, damn, I'm freaking Chinese yet I don't watch any Chinese dramas or listen to any Chinese music. For me, I stay away from these things because I can't understand what they are saying. I need the subtitles to watch it and I need to look up lyrical translations for the songs. It's kind of embarassing that I can't even understand my own native language. But I think that has a lot to do with how society sees Asian Americans. They expect us to understand our native language no matter our generation. But with Japanese and Korean music/dramas, it's understandable that I cannot comprehend what they are saying because "I'm not from there" so it's okay that I use subtitles. One side of me thinks that I should be more immerse with the Chinese pop culture, then I can learn more. But then I think, damn, I should already know all of this and I should know how my "own" pop culture works. Then that just makes me steer clear of it. Lately, I've been trying to listen to more Chinese music like Guang Liang and Jay Chou (I know....how cliche right??). I really like it and still, it's okay for me to not understand because they sing in Mandarin, and not Cantonese, my native language.
One more thing to add. Does anyone else feel like something is missing in their life? Like they haven't fulfill something or a their identity isn't quite whole? My roommate and I were talking about this. We feel that something is missing, we just don't know what. I feel that by seeing the world will help with this because it helps me understand the world better thus understand myself better. I want to travel to all of these foreign places yet when can I? I have a career goal set in my mind and that career isn't a traveling kind of job. It's one where I'll be centralized in one location for a very long time. And everyone says that this is the time to travel (I'm a 3rd year in college). Yet, I want to start working (career-wise) so I don't have to rely on my parents. Right now, my parents don't want me to work so I can focus on my studies. But I don't wanna rely on them so much. Plus, I want to travel and travel costs money. LOTS OF MONEY. So I need to work to get this money yet once I start working, I can't get the time off to do all of this travel I want to do...So what now? Who knows...
that's right....no one