There's a freedom in your arms, that carries me through, I need you
Isn't it weird how a song can bring back so many memories? So many memories that you forgot about? And with those memories come all these feelings that you have somehow repressed in the back of your mind? It's sort of amazing...
Anyway, so today I was looking at my old livejournal, my CloudyNight17 one. I love looking back on life. Seeing what was going on and how I felt at the time. I wish I had continued to write in that during the summer. I had alot of fun this summer, but I've got a bad memory and don't remember much... or wait, maybe that's cuz I was drunk alot of it? Hahahaha. I'm jk, I wasn't drunk THAT much. But last summer was definitely a good time.
Last year was a good year. My life right now is alot different then it was then. Well, that's obvious. I'm sure it comes with the territory of being in college. Sometimes I wonder what it woulda been like if I went to Ithaca. Ya know, I had made up my mind to go there. I even told my parents that's where I wanted to go. I know I shouldn't have regrets in life and I guess this isn't a regret, just more of a wondering situation. I mean, I know what happened when I went to UMass, so I wonder what would've happened if I went to Ithaca. But... I'll never know, so I shouldn't waste my time on thoughts like that, right? Right. I do believe everything happens for a reason, so there was a reason I went to UMass and hated it and ended up here at Bridgewater. But I can't figure out what that reason is... I guess only time can tell.
I feel like alot of things in my life right now are uncertain. Ok, well I mainly just mean school. Like, idk what I wanna be and God only knows if I'll ever figure that out. I don't know what I'm doing there. Not in a scholarly way, I mean I'm a smart girl, I know how to do the work, but I mean in the long run. Where do I want to be in 10 years? What I really want is to be married and in love, maybe even a child or two... Otherwise, I sorta don't care where I am, as long as I'm happy.
Is that bad? Is it bad that I just want to be happy and don't really know what that means. I want to enjoy whatever my job is. Of course you think, well what do u like to do Carolyn? That's the problem. I have no clue. I like psychology. I think it's a pretty damn interesting subject, but come on, how many people are majoring in psychology? Basically every 3rd person is. And to get anywhere in that field you need to keep going, and get like at least a master's. And if I were to put the effort into that, I'd wanna get my doctorate cuz if I'm gonna be in school for more then 4 years I might as well go all the way I can. But I can't do that. Why you ask? Because I can't. I don't mind school but I'd much rather not be there if I don't need to be. Besides I could never afford that. I'd be paying back college loans for the next 45 years and I'm sorry, but that does not seem appealing to me. In fact, that's repulsive. I wouldn't be happy if I were paying loans back for many many years after I graduated. And with my luck, if I did, the day I paid back my last one, I'd probably die, thus making the whole thing pointless! Haha. Beside, I like psychology and I'd like to be a psychiatrist or something, but also I wouldn't. There's some weird people in the world and I have a fear of them. A fear of like having a patient who's so mentally unstable they might try and stab me or something crazy like that.
So what else do I like? Hmmm well I like the stars. In fact, I love the stars. Everyone knows that... but first of all, BSC doesn't have astronomy. Secondly, there's like no jobs in astronomy. Trust me, I've done my research. And we all know I can't be an astronaut...
I was going to go to Ithaca for communications. BSC's communications program isn't that great. Def not as good as Ithaca's was. I don't know if I'm cut out for that. I'd wanna be on the radio. But, I'm good at science and math, not writing and communicating...
So... um, I wouldn't mind being a teacher. Getting to talk all day, haha we know I'd love that. And getting out at like 3 most days and having the summer off is my kinda job. But I actually don't know how good I am at speaking in front of people. I mean I'd get excited to do presentations in front of classes, but once I get up there, I don't think I like how everyone is just staring at me. I'd be afraid I had a booger in my nose or something and everyone would just be looking at it, haha. And besides, what would I teach? Science? It's my favorite subject, but what science? And would I rather teach high school or younger kids and teach them everything? I don't know...
And then there's the fact that I like to tell people what to do. I like to be in charge. I could major in business or managing or something, but that stuff's always seemed sorta boring to me. Maybe that's just because I don't really know anything about it. It seems so complicated though.
I don't wanna have a job where I sit at a desk behind a computer all day. I need more freedom then that. I need flexablity. I mean, this is my life we're talking about and I've got to have some requirements...
....sigh....
I wonder if I'll ever figure it out.
Anyway, so today I was looking at my old livejournal, my CloudyNight17 one. I love looking back on life. Seeing what was going on and how I felt at the time. I wish I had continued to write in that during the summer. I had alot of fun this summer, but I've got a bad memory and don't remember much... or wait, maybe that's cuz I was drunk alot of it? Hahahaha. I'm jk, I wasn't drunk THAT much. But last summer was definitely a good time.
Last year was a good year. My life right now is alot different then it was then. Well, that's obvious. I'm sure it comes with the territory of being in college. Sometimes I wonder what it woulda been like if I went to Ithaca. Ya know, I had made up my mind to go there. I even told my parents that's where I wanted to go. I know I shouldn't have regrets in life and I guess this isn't a regret, just more of a wondering situation. I mean, I know what happened when I went to UMass, so I wonder what would've happened if I went to Ithaca. But... I'll never know, so I shouldn't waste my time on thoughts like that, right? Right. I do believe everything happens for a reason, so there was a reason I went to UMass and hated it and ended up here at Bridgewater. But I can't figure out what that reason is... I guess only time can tell.
I feel like alot of things in my life right now are uncertain. Ok, well I mainly just mean school. Like, idk what I wanna be and God only knows if I'll ever figure that out. I don't know what I'm doing there. Not in a scholarly way, I mean I'm a smart girl, I know how to do the work, but I mean in the long run. Where do I want to be in 10 years? What I really want is to be married and in love, maybe even a child or two... Otherwise, I sorta don't care where I am, as long as I'm happy.
Is that bad? Is it bad that I just want to be happy and don't really know what that means. I want to enjoy whatever my job is. Of course you think, well what do u like to do Carolyn? That's the problem. I have no clue. I like psychology. I think it's a pretty damn interesting subject, but come on, how many people are majoring in psychology? Basically every 3rd person is. And to get anywhere in that field you need to keep going, and get like at least a master's. And if I were to put the effort into that, I'd wanna get my doctorate cuz if I'm gonna be in school for more then 4 years I might as well go all the way I can. But I can't do that. Why you ask? Because I can't. I don't mind school but I'd much rather not be there if I don't need to be. Besides I could never afford that. I'd be paying back college loans for the next 45 years and I'm sorry, but that does not seem appealing to me. In fact, that's repulsive. I wouldn't be happy if I were paying loans back for many many years after I graduated. And with my luck, if I did, the day I paid back my last one, I'd probably die, thus making the whole thing pointless! Haha. Beside, I like psychology and I'd like to be a psychiatrist or something, but also I wouldn't. There's some weird people in the world and I have a fear of them. A fear of like having a patient who's so mentally unstable they might try and stab me or something crazy like that.
So what else do I like? Hmmm well I like the stars. In fact, I love the stars. Everyone knows that... but first of all, BSC doesn't have astronomy. Secondly, there's like no jobs in astronomy. Trust me, I've done my research. And we all know I can't be an astronaut...
I was going to go to Ithaca for communications. BSC's communications program isn't that great. Def not as good as Ithaca's was. I don't know if I'm cut out for that. I'd wanna be on the radio. But, I'm good at science and math, not writing and communicating...
So... um, I wouldn't mind being a teacher. Getting to talk all day, haha we know I'd love that. And getting out at like 3 most days and having the summer off is my kinda job. But I actually don't know how good I am at speaking in front of people. I mean I'd get excited to do presentations in front of classes, but once I get up there, I don't think I like how everyone is just staring at me. I'd be afraid I had a booger in my nose or something and everyone would just be looking at it, haha. And besides, what would I teach? Science? It's my favorite subject, but what science? And would I rather teach high school or younger kids and teach them everything? I don't know...
And then there's the fact that I like to tell people what to do. I like to be in charge. I could major in business or managing or something, but that stuff's always seemed sorta boring to me. Maybe that's just because I don't really know anything about it. It seems so complicated though.
I don't wanna have a job where I sit at a desk behind a computer all day. I need more freedom then that. I need flexablity. I mean, this is my life we're talking about and I've got to have some requirements...
....sigh....
I wonder if I'll ever figure it out.