i have come to a realization...
i dont need to be here
i dont care about summer vacation anymore...i just want to be back at school. im sick of sitting in a store for 5 hours 3 times a week doing nothing and making 100 bucks a week...im sick of pretending to maintain friendships that i dont care about and of people who think we were friends for some reason...im sick of driving and traffic and stupid drivers that send pig, me, al and jess spinning into a tree...im sick of living at home, of having to check my behavior and language all the time...
basically, im done. im done with high school...so why the fuck am i still here? i have a couple friends who get me...i have a couple friends who are supposed to get me but theyre too wrapped up in their own shit to realize that they arent really there anymore...whatever...life moves on, ive moved on. why does it seem like im the only one? im sorry if this is insulting to you, but i dont need to be friends with the people i was friends with in high school. especially the younger ones...there are obviously exceptions...but why do people insist on trying to relive and perpetuate friendships that never existed? i, unlike way too many people i know, have accepted and embraced the fact that i am no longer in high school. it was really hard, i have to admit...to realize that never again would i be eating lunch in the hc, staying in barnum till 3am, ditching class and having doc write a note, singing at the pep rallies, and all of the other great things that defined my life in high school. but its true...im not ever gonna do those things again, and if you dont accept that, then how are you ever going to succeed in life? are you gonna live in your high school state of mind forever? this is the scary one...the transition that puts you on the cusp of adulthood...so why not take advantage of it instead of living in the past? i dont understand people who are content to live their life going nowhere...and i see so many people doing just that.
molly and i talked the other night about my future...and she decided that i need to change the world. before college, i was positive that there was nothing that i would rather do than act. i couldnt see myself doing anything else. but ive come to realize that it isnt that...its that i dont see myself doing anything...i have no idea what im going to do with my life. but im in a great position...im going to school, getting a higher education, and figuring out what im going to do. there are so many people who claim they know what they want to do and so are pursuing it...but what happens when you fail (as, my guess is, many of these people will do) and all you have is a high school diploma? and what about those people who dont know what they want and arent going to school? are people really content to live a life thats going nowhere fast?
my friends are a bit insulted when i say that im ready to go back to school. the point of the matter is, it has nothing to do with you. i need to get out of here and get back to school where im not sitting on my ass making so little money that its not worth my time. if you are offended by this post...well im sorry. but get over it...its a waste of energy to be mad at me because quite honestly...i dont care if you are.
all my love
casey
i dont care about summer vacation anymore...i just want to be back at school. im sick of sitting in a store for 5 hours 3 times a week doing nothing and making 100 bucks a week...im sick of pretending to maintain friendships that i dont care about and of people who think we were friends for some reason...im sick of driving and traffic and stupid drivers that send pig, me, al and jess spinning into a tree...im sick of living at home, of having to check my behavior and language all the time...
basically, im done. im done with high school...so why the fuck am i still here? i have a couple friends who get me...i have a couple friends who are supposed to get me but theyre too wrapped up in their own shit to realize that they arent really there anymore...whatever...life moves on, ive moved on. why does it seem like im the only one? im sorry if this is insulting to you, but i dont need to be friends with the people i was friends with in high school. especially the younger ones...there are obviously exceptions...but why do people insist on trying to relive and perpetuate friendships that never existed? i, unlike way too many people i know, have accepted and embraced the fact that i am no longer in high school. it was really hard, i have to admit...to realize that never again would i be eating lunch in the hc, staying in barnum till 3am, ditching class and having doc write a note, singing at the pep rallies, and all of the other great things that defined my life in high school. but its true...im not ever gonna do those things again, and if you dont accept that, then how are you ever going to succeed in life? are you gonna live in your high school state of mind forever? this is the scary one...the transition that puts you on the cusp of adulthood...so why not take advantage of it instead of living in the past? i dont understand people who are content to live their life going nowhere...and i see so many people doing just that.
molly and i talked the other night about my future...and she decided that i need to change the world. before college, i was positive that there was nothing that i would rather do than act. i couldnt see myself doing anything else. but ive come to realize that it isnt that...its that i dont see myself doing anything...i have no idea what im going to do with my life. but im in a great position...im going to school, getting a higher education, and figuring out what im going to do. there are so many people who claim they know what they want to do and so are pursuing it...but what happens when you fail (as, my guess is, many of these people will do) and all you have is a high school diploma? and what about those people who dont know what they want and arent going to school? are people really content to live a life thats going nowhere fast?
my friends are a bit insulted when i say that im ready to go back to school. the point of the matter is, it has nothing to do with you. i need to get out of here and get back to school where im not sitting on my ass making so little money that its not worth my time. if you are offended by this post...well im sorry. but get over it...its a waste of energy to be mad at me because quite honestly...i dont care if you are.
all my love
casey