(no subject)
Title: You and me? Maybe (8/8)
Author: Suedette
Pairing: Cake
Rating: NC-17 not really.
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, just for fun.
Notes: This is the last chapter, thanks for reading.:) I wanted to post this before the finale. No matter what happens I think Chris and Blake already left something special, something so much grander than the show, for everyone one of us to carry on, and on that note, I wish them all the love, success and creativity in the future and if many years later we do find out they have been in love since day one, what can I say, that will just be icing on the CAKE.:)
the rest can be find here:
http://ladycielo.livejournal.com
[Cake]You and me? Maybe (8/8)
(8)
Blake never loved anyone in his life. Sure he loved his family and friends, and sure he LOVED music and a good slice of pizza, but he never loved anyone romantically.
So when Blake said “I love you” for the first time, he was fully expecting the other person to say it back, because hell that person must have been so damn lucky to be his first love. So Blake thought.
When Blake saw Chris’ face darkened after getting a phone call, stumbled out of bed and ran to the TV and turned it on, when Blake sat up, saw the images of Virginia Tech shooting on the screen, and Chris’ shoulders, almost shaking with fear and anger, when he walked over, took the phone away from Chris’ hand when the younger man desperately tried to reach his friends but unable to get through, and when he let Chris cry in his arms, and held him tight, it was the perfect timing to say “I love you.” So Blake thought.
When Blake stood in the bottom three of country week and looked over, saw the pain in Chris’ eyes, when he found out he was safe and walked back to his seat, shook hands with Chris and their fingers touched a bit longer, eyes locked, and it was the perfect timing to say “I love you.” So Blake thought.
When Blake came, fingers dipping into the pillow under his face, hips still firmly held by Chris’ hands, when Chris collapsed on top of him, hot breath burned his neck, words mumbled he couldn’t understand, when he turned around and climbed on top of Chris, kissed his forehead, eye lashes, and then lips, it was the perfect timing to say “I Love you.” So Blake thought.
And then, when Blake sat across from Chris, with the rest of the contestants at Sanjaya’s farewell dinner, when jokes were exchanged, laughs were shared and wishes were made, when Sanjaya and Jordin made a flower out of the fruit plate, Phil built a small cheese castle out of the cheese platter, Melinda and Lakisha made little toy chairs out of champagne bottle cups, and when Chris waved a piece of celery in the air, brushed against his own lips, looking at Blake suggestively before putting it in his month, it was not the perfect time to say…
“I love you!”
Chris blinked. The table was silenced. Phil’s cheese castle collapsed. All you could hear was Chris’ attempt to chew that piece of raw celery, once, twice, three times…
“Spit that shit out!” Blake panicked, stared into Chris’ face, demanding some response. The table still silenced, no one moved since that three words were blurted out by Blake fifty seconds ago.
Blake still stared at Chris, who still had that piece half chewed celery in his mouth. So Blake kicked Chris under the table.
“Ouch!” Chris almost jumped, quickly swallowed the celery, smoothing his throat, feeling lucky he didn’t choke to death. “What the fuck Blake?”
“Did you just hear what I said?” Blake knew they had audience, but then Blake never cared about that sort thing.
“Can we…” Chris looked around the table, and leaned forward, whispered as low as he could. “Can we talk about this later?”
Blake threw the folk in his hand on the table, causing a sharp sound, before leaning back on the chair, arms crossed in front, stared at Chris in anger.
“Ok! Who is gonna miss me?” Sanjaya quickly broke the uncomfortable moment by flashing his signature smile.
“We are!!” Everyone raised hands, even Chris nodded. Blake, arm crossed, eyes glaring, stared on.
**
“He doesn’t love me! The asshole doesn’t love me!” Blake screamed into the phone, standing in the parking lot outside the studio.
“Will you calm down?!” Ginger laughed into the phone. “I’m sure he cares about you. But wow, Blake, you said I LOVE YOU, you finally did it! Chris Rich took your virginity!”
“Funny.” Blake squinted knowing his childhood friend won’t see. “At least you aint as cynical as Jake the original asshole.”
“Oh…” Ginger’s voice stirred a little, she was quiet for a moment before speaking up again. “How is he… Jake…” Before Blake can say anything, she added, a little desperate, “did he… did he ask about me? I mean… at all?”
“Ginger…”
“I know. He is… like dating some model now right? That’s… I rather he end up with you.”
“Jake is not gonna end up with that girl.” Blake sighed and lowered his voice. “Gin, the only girl, the only person Jake ever loved is you.”
“Yah.. whatever… that’s why he hasn’t called for month.” Ginger tried to hide the sadness in her voice. “He is a big shot now, like you, and me? I work at a coffee shop, like he is gonna look my way again.”
“Gin, you broke up with him.”
“……” Ginger sighed, gathered herself, “Never mind! Cheer up Blakey! Are you getting ready for the big show?”
“Hey, you know what?!” Blake suddenly had an idea. “Why don’t you come to Hollywood? I could invite more friends to the Idol Gives Back show! Come Ginger come!!!”
“But… I have to work…”
“Do you love me?”
“Blake…”
“Good. I’m calling my parents to go get you on their way to the airport!” Blake shouted into the phone, “love ya!” and hung up. Before he could sneak back into the rehearsal studio, he ran into Simon who came out for a cigarette.
“Oh hey, sorry…”
“Wait Blake.” Simon stopped him. “…About the meeting we had…”
“It’s ok Simon. Chris and I are OVER. So you can tell the assholes not to worry about it.” Blake snapped a little thinking how Chris reacted to his declaration of love.
“Why, cause ex-girl is in town?” Simon said casually.
“What?” Blake’s eyes widened. “What did you say?”
“Oh…” Simon took a drag of his cigarette. “I didn’t say anything.”
“Caitlyn is in town? Since when?”
“Blake!” Simon wouldn’t look into Blake’s eyes, thinking he had said too much. “Go in there rehearse! That’s what we pay you for! Now off you go!”
Blake squinted at Simon, cursed silently and walked back to the studio.
**
The hotel room looked a lot smaller than theirs. Chris looked around and sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Caitlyn, his girlfriend for the longest time, pulling out a bag from her drawer.
“Here.” Caitlyn sat next to Chris. “I know you’re gonna love this.”
Chris opened the bag and it was an OBEY t-shirt. He smiled. OBEY became his favorite brand because it was the first gift he got from Caitlyn on their first Valentine’s Day. On that day he thought he could spend the rest of his life with this woman, he was young, but he knew exactly what he wanted in life. He was very in love, with Caitlyn, with her smile, her cooking, her humor, the small freckles on her shoulder and the gray OBEY t-shirt she gave him over a candlelight dinner she cooked.
Now Chris looked down at this OBEY t-shirt, it was a shade of green, mixed with black patterns. It looked flashier than the grey one he wore so very often.
“Do you still have that one?” Caitlyn smiled at Chris, sharing his memory.
“Yes…” Chris answered quickly and then realized, he hasn’t seen it since he lent it to Blake that night before their so called “relationship” ended with Blake’s cheating.
“That one must be old now.” Caitlyn moved a little closer to Chris. “I bought a new one for you Chris, I wish… everything could be new, like us, starting over…”
“Caitlyn you broke up with me. What made you change your mind?” Chris ran his hand over his hair, unable to look at the girl who broke his heart a little over six month ago.
“I know Chris, but…” Caitlyn sighed. “I know you… you probably think I’m here because you are on some show… but…”
“What is it then?” Chris asked, looking up for the first time.
“I went to see Andrew.” Caitlyn looked into Chris’ eyes. “Andrew was with the boys, you know, Brad, Justin and Jamal.”
“They were together?” Chris smiled, looked at Caitlyn’s hands, resting on her knees.
“They were all at Andrew’s house… I guess they wanted to head back to school together for the memorial service, you know how they are, all dressed in their Hokies jerseys. Except Andrew, Andrew was wearing your CNU jersey, the one you left for him…”
“When we were at CNU, he made me promise him that we are gonna play for the Hokies someday, together…” Chris lowered his voice, rubbed his hands restlessly. “But then… I guess… I disappointed him, went for music instead… I disappointed him…”
Caitlyn put her hand over Chris’. “No… the boys wanted me to tell you…” Her voice was shaky, barely recognizable. “They all saw you that night on the show, they heard you, and they knew you cared. You did them proud, so, so proud, Chris, we are all so proud of you, so proud…” Caitlyn couldn’t finish her sentence, let Chris embraced her and sobbed in his arms.
**
No one was eliminated. Blake, Chris, Melinda, Phil, Lakisha and Jordin, and even some of them would never admit, they had never felt happier, not only because of themselves, but the advancement of each other. All their families and friends were there, and they all left spending time with them after the Idol Gives Back show.
At the Goblin Market, a casual and delicious West Hollywood restaurant, Dinah, Dallas, Ginger, Blake and Jake sat around a table in a quiet corner, just a little uncomfortable in a setting that could have been a circus two years ago.
“So kids, why you all so quiet?” Dinah finally spoke up, exchanging a concerned look with Dallas.
“Huh mum?”
“Nothing.”
“We are fine, Dinah, how is your salmon?”
“It’s delicious, best I ever had, Jake.” Dinah smiled at the man she saw as her own son. “Thank you so much for taking us to all those places and let us stay with you.”
“I should be the happy one.” Jake quickly put his drink down, without the usual cockiness he carried around. “I’m just so… so happy to see you…” He quickly glanced towards Ginger who immediately looked down. “..to see you all.”
“Now Blake.” Dallas looked at Blake who was drinking his fifth beer. “Should you drink this much?”
“Nah, it’s nothing.” Blake flashed his dad a big smile. “I just need to relax, ya know, and this is the last one.”
“LAST ONE.” Dallas looked into Blake’s eyes.
“Yessir!” Blake nodded obediently.
Two hours later Blake was completely trashed. After Jake’s driver drove Dallas and Dinah back to Jake’s house, Blake made Jake and Ginger take him to a bar, had couple more rounds of different type of liquors, while Ginger had soda and Jake only sipped on one drink. Blake continued his complain about Chris that made less sense by the minute, until it was twenty minutes before curfew, Jake dragged Blake out of the bar and shoved him in the car.
The drive back to the hotel was awkward. Blake passed out at the back of the car. Jake, who drove slower than he usually would, glanced over at Ginger who kept her eyes on her hands at all time.
“Gin…”
“Yes?” She quickly looked up, realizing her overly eager reaction, her face turned bright red.
“…I…I’m glad you are here.” Jake smiled at him, turned to look at the road.
“Blake needs me… so…” Ginger knew it wasn’t the whole truth, but she couldn’t give Jake more power than he already have over her.
“…Well, I really miss you…” Jake stared at the road, a little flushed too.
“Is that why you haven’t called for four month?” Ginger now turned to look at Jake, who still stared at the road. He waited for a moment and let the secret he kept away even from Blake.
“I went back to Bothell to see you, two weeks after you broke up with me.” Jake said, voice deepened. “I wanted to surprise you and… hopefully get you back… I went to Ruby’s because I knew you’d be working on Tuesdays…”
Ginger still stared at Jake, shocked and speechless.
“I saw you and Ethan kissing and you looked… happy. So I left. I thought if Ethan makes you happy, then that’s the way it should be.”
“……” Ginger turned her head and now joined Jake looking at the night street. “What else am I suppose to do? You were with some woman or… man… and you lied to me. And after we broke up I started to see pictures of you with Hollywood starlets on the gossip magazines one after another, and Blake, Blake left for Hollywood too, I just felt like I lost you both, And Ethan… he had always been there for me… so I…”
“Gin…” Jake stopped the car in front of the hotel, looked at Ginger in the eyes. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“I’m sorry too.” Ginger smiled sadly at Jake. Jake reached over, and gently touched the side of Ginger’s face. “I can do better if…” Before he could say anything else, Blake almost jumped out of the backseat, grabbed Jake and Ginger’s shoulders and growled.
“HE DOESN’T LOVE ME!” With that said, Blake paused, had a moment of blankness on his face, before putting his hand over his mouth. “I don’t think I feel very well.”
Jake and Ginger both sighed and laughed, pulled Blake out of the car and carried him upstairs. Jake made sure Blake who ran into the bathroom and got everything he ate and drunk out of his system, and forced Blake to take a shower and waited outside with Ginger who had cleaned the room. Five minutes later Blake was out of the shower, naked, Jake laughed and Ginger shook her head and looked away and Blake who had sobered up, apologized and went to look for something to wear. The three best friends talked briefly until curfew time.
**
Chris and Caitlyn hurried into the lobby while Chris’ parents waited in the car. They needed to get some gifts and things Chris bought for his family back home. As they walked pass by the café on the side of the lobby, a familiar voice stopped Chris.
“Blake is going to be ok.” Jake put his coffee cup down.
Ginger nodded and sighed. “I hope so. He has never been this confused in his life, you and I should know better than anyone.”
Chris stepped closer almost unintentionally, Caitlyn followed.
“He really is in love.” Ginger smiled. “But Chris… he seems so… straight.”
Chris blinked, realized he wasn’t the only one who was listening to this conversation. Just when he was about to grab Caitlyn who looked shocked, Jake’s voice spoke up again.
“He is straight. But I believe the feeling is nevertheless mutual.”
Caitlyn glared at Chris with questions, and Chris grabbed her hand and quickly walked into the elevator.
“It’s not what you think Cat.” Chris held Caitlyn by the shoulders as soon as the elevator door was shut. “It’s complicated, but there is nothing going on between Blake and I. You believe me right?”
Caitlyn looked into Chris’ eyes, first with doubt, then a moment later, her gaze fell, and she nodded. “You are not gay Chris. You can’t be.”
“I’m not!” Chris quickly reinsured the statement.
The elevator door opened. Caitlyn looked to the hallway and waited for Chris to let her go. They stood for another moment, before Chris finally gathered himself and let go.
Blake was sound asleep, with his back to them, when they walked into the room. Caitlyn glanced over at Chris who quickly packed the gifts. She looked around the room that was rather clean for two boys, saw the pictures of their families and friend on the bookshelf, and then a ring, a silver ring with a black onyx stone.
“Isn’t this the ring your grandma gave ya?” Caitlyn picked it up and inspected it.
“Uh… yah…” Chris mumbled, quickly put the last box in the bag. “All done.”
“Don’t see you wear it at all.” Caitlyn put the ring back on the shelf. Chris knew lying was hopeless because since he gave Blake this ring for good luck when they made to top 24, Blake always wore it out in public and Caitlyn would see the pictures sooner or later.
“Nah, it’s a little too… flashy for me… so uh… Blake borrowed it… it does suit him better, so whatever.” Chris picked up the bags, smiled nervously. “Ready?”
“Yah… I will get this one.” Caitlyn saw a smaller bag on the edge of the bed, walked over and picked it up, it was right then, Blake stirred lightly in bed, and rolled on his back, still sound asleep.
Caitlyn froze, the bag in her hand fell on the floor, she stared at Blake, took a step back. Chris sensed something and turned around, immediately was short of breath from the view of Blake.
Blake was wearing his grey OBEY t-shirt.
Caitlyn shook her head, let out a bitter laugh and walked towards the door. Chris quickly followed her into the hallway, caught up with her and blocked her way.
“Caitlyn, let me explain…”
“Do you think I’m stupid!!!!??” Caitlyn pushed him, shouted angrily. “This is… this is disgusting!”
“Caitlyn wait.” Chris grabbed Caitlyn’s wrist as she approached the elevator door.
“Don’t touch me!” Caitlyn glared at Chris, her eyes were filled with tears, her body shaking with anger. Chris knew the situation was already out of control, so he let go of her hand. Caitlyn quickly got into the elevator.
“Please don’t tell my parents…” Chris struggled to finish the sentence as the elevator door was shut.
**
Blake woke up with a bad hangover. He sat up and reached for his glasses and saw Chris sitting on the sofa with his laptop.
“Hey man.” Blake put his glass on, waved at Chris who looked as if he hasn’t slept.
“Hey…” Chris pulled his earphones down, and looked at Blake, hair messy, glasses, wearing his OBEY t-shirt, buried in a bed of wrinkled sheets. Under other circumstances it would be such a turned on, but right now it merely felt exhausting.
“I’m surprised to see you here.” Blake leaned against the headboard, pouted a little. “Thought you’d wake up next to Caitlyn right now.” Then he smirked, with such despite that even angered Chris more.
“Shut up Blake.” Chris lowered his eyes, and put his earphone back on. Before he knew it, a pillow hit his face, he jumped in shock, almost knocking his laptop off the sofa. Chris growled, threw the pillow on the floor. “What the fuck is your problem?!”
“You are my problem!” Blake shouted back, his head was hurting like hell and Chris wasn’t making it better. “You’re loving this right now aren’t you??”
“What?”
“What I said to you at Sanjaya’s stupid dinner?!” Blake crossed his arms in front of him. “It must feel really good to keep me hanging!”
“I’m not keeping you hanging.” Chris sat his laptop on the floor, ran his hand over his hair, exhausted. “You are too over the top Blake, one day you go fuck someone else and lie, the next day you tell me to fuck off over the phone, and then the next day you tell me you love me. You are too much! And it’s… it’s exhausting Blake…”
“Sorry I’m not like your boring girlfriend.” Blake knew it was harsh, but words just slipped, like they always do when he argued with Chris.
Chris sighed. He looked into Blake’s eyes, almost hopeless. “Fine. Whatever you say.” Then he stood, picked up his laptop. “We need to go rehearse now… just… give me that t-shirt back.”
“What…?” Blake looked down at Chris’ favorite OBEY t-shirt. “Why?”
“Just give it back.” Chris said with a low voice, he just didn’t understand why Blake was always so difficult.
“No! I want it.” Blake wrapped his arm around himself. “You gave it to me!”
“I didn’t give it to you and I will never give it to you.” Chris snapped. “Because my boring girlfriend bought it for my on our first Valentine’s Day, ok?! So give it back!”
Blake’s arms slowly unwrapped and rested on the bed. He looked at Chris, who didn’t know how to stand in the same spot, paced around the room before walking out, and knew somehow this was the end of the road for them.
**
After their last rehearsal for Bon Jovi night, Blake left the group first. He didn’t know where to go, didn’t call Jake or Ginger because he knew they’d be together, didn’t call Chris because Chris must have been with Caitlyn for all he knew. Blake wondered around the Fox studio, felt sick in the stomach. He was surprised he actually went through with the rehearsal. Maybe he did grew up through out this competition, seeing the grander music business, the reality of the media, the competitive nature and finally, falling in love for the first time, maybe he did grew through all these new experiences and didn’t just quit the show on the spot like he would have done.
Miser record called him this morning and informed him they wouldn’t be able to carry out the contract they had signed with Blake. They understood if Blake wanted to sue, but the damage would be worse if Fox decided to sue them. Blake was angry and disappointed, knowing Miser Record knew well he was on the show and yet still offered him a contract, and knowing Fox or whichever record company that was behind it had everything to do with Miser Record’s now withdraw.
Blake told them calmly he had no intention to sue and he would have his lawyer gather all the paper work to cancel the contract. Taylor Shaw called him and welcomed him to Brooklyn anytime he wanted to jam together. Blake suddenly, just for a moment, regretted to be part of this show.
Sitting down on the stairs on a quieter lot, he thought what his life would be like if he never audition. He’d be making his record, performing locally and sharing beds with those women and men who came into his life along the way. He wouldn’t have the fame, the money in his bank account, the legal problems, the warning to go back to the “closet” that he was never in, and somehow, kind of, falling in love with Chris Richardson.
Blake thought of Chris. It was a long process, what felt a life long thinking thread, and when it reached the end, it started to melt, into a taste of bitter and sweetness, a realization of how simple love felt like. He still couldn’t form words to describe it, but when he closed his eyes and imagine a moment that inspired him, he knew Chris was standing right by him, loving him in the most natural way a person would love anyone. Blake touched the black onyx ring, stood up and walked back to the studio. When he got there, everyone was getting ready to leave, but Chris wasn’t among them.
“Where were ya Blake?” Jordin walked over, whispered.
“I went for a walk.” Blake looked around still couldn’t find Chris.
“Guess what…” Jordin leaned closer. “Simon asked Chris to go to dinner.”
“What?” Blake looked at Jordin, surprised.
“I know…” Jordin rolled her eyes. “Kinda scary… I know I would be scared, ordering food in front of Simon.”
Blake let out a quick laugh, thought about calling Chris, but changed him mind, put his phone back and boarded the limo with everyone.
**
Chris knew something was up when Simon took him to dinner, he just didn’t expect it was something this big. He stared at Simon from across the table, pasta still stuck on the fork, and the fork still in the air.
“Put that down Chris.” Simon thought he sounded like a father.
“Are you really telling me this?” Chris put down the folk, still couldn’t believe what he just heard.
“Chris, like I said.” Simon cleared his throat, looked into Chris’ eyes. “You and Blake, one of you has to go.”
“So you are gonna manipulate the votes.” Chris’ voice deepened with anger.
“You left them with no choice Chris.” Simon continued, with no emotions in his voice. “Well… Blake didn’t leave them any choice. He is like a walking time bomb, and could explode any moment on live television, and Fox, Ford and Coca-cola weren’t going to risk that.”
“You are worried he will… kiss me or something on the show?” Chris let out a forceful laugh.
“Whatever it is, it can’t happen, not on this show.” Simon sighed a little. “I hope you understand Chris. I chose to talk to you because even though you are younger, you are the mature one.”
Chris looked away, for the next few moment, they kept quiet, both looked at different direction as the waiter came and went added water in their glasses.
“The elimination show will be arranged in certain way that you two won’t be sitting next to each other or have any chance to be close.” Simon calmly explained.
Chris laughed, a little dry, a little hopeless. “So this is what the show comes down to, preventing fags from making out on national television.”
“Chris…”
“What a joke.” Chris shook his head. He was angry but he knew things like this did happen, to many artisits. “Why… what's the point of telling me all these?”
“Well, about that.” Simon moved a little in his seat, looking slightly embarrassed. “I’m pretty much the one who make the decision…” He took a sip of his water and kept his glance on his own hand. “I’m NOT suppose to talk to you about this, but I have decided to sent Blake home.”
Chris felt his heart skipped when those words were said. He took a deep breath and bit his tongue not to say anything.
“But judging from the rehearsal… Yes I DID see the rehearsals, Randy and Paula never did, but I always did. Blake’s performance is risky and America doesn’t know better, they could love it or hate it and what I’m going to say after the performance will make an impact. So if I do say it’s bad, which I don’t think it will be, Blake’s elimination won’t seem so sudden.”
“Then why don’t you just follow your script?” Chris started to get confused by the point of all this.
“Because you two are… involved.” Simon said slowly. “If I were going to choose to eliminate Blake, somehow… I feel like I need to have this conversation with you.”
Chris looked at Simon for a while, and slowly realized what was going through Simon’s mind, the sympathy and the uneasiness the older man had carried with him while dealing with this situation with the poker face he always wore.
“Why don’t you think about this for few minutes.” Simon got up, took his cigarette from his jacket. “I’ll be back in five.”
Chris nodded. He took a sip of water, feeling the coldness running through his dry throat. He laughed a little at the situation and then suddenly remembered something and reached for his phone.
“Who is this?” Sanjaya’s voice sounded the same, creamy and annoying, Chris thought.
“Chris, Rich.”
“Wow. What do you want?”
“Remember that Tarot Card thing you did?”
“Reading.”
“Right. What did the last card say?”
“Hm… Why do you ask?”
“You better answer that in ten seconds or I will give you a hard time on the tour!”
“Why you gotta be a bully to me?!”
“SANJAYA!”
“Fine.” Sanjaya sighed loudly into the phone. “It was The Fool.”
“The fool, uh…” Chris tiled his head. “Meaning…?”
“Meaning… remember that choice you gotta make? that person you need to sacrifice in order to prevent the Wheel of Fortune turning against you? The Fool meant no matter what choice you make, you are still gonna be the stupid one!”
Chris laughed. He was surprised that he laughed and he couldn’t stop.
“What? Did you make some life changing decision and realized you should have listened to me?” Sanjaya fronted.
“Well… I must say you are good at this thing.” Chris smiled. “Say… what if I ended up falling for the person I need to sacrifice?”
“Well…!” Sanjaya made a “duh” face at the phone. “Didn’t I just say you are THE FOOL?!”
“Sure you did.” Chris let out a long breath. “The fool it is then.” Before Sanjaya could make another remark, Chris said thinks and hung up. He looked at the glass on the table for a moment, held it up and drank all the water up. It tasted really good and he wasn’t sure why.
When Simon came back, Chris had a smile on his face that made Simon stopped half way on his way back to the table.
“Oh come on Simon, sit down.” Chris squinted at Simon.
“So?” Simon sat down.
“I’m going home.” Chris nodded, without a hint of doubt on his face. Simon didn’t respond and didn’t look surprised either. Chris smiled at the older man. “You knew right? You knew I’d choose to go home.”
“I wish you didn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because then I won’t feel guilty.” Simon finally smiled, just a little before he put the poker face back on.
“I want you to be true when you judge Blake’s performance, that’s all I’m asking.” Chris said.
“You got it kid.” Simon nodded.
“Ok… I should head back.” Chris stood up and stopped. “Wait… uh… are you paying?”
Simon rolled his eyes.
“Thanks man.” Chris considered giving Simon a handshake, but then looking at the older English man who sat with his arms crossed in front his chest, he thought it was best not to make the situation more uncomfortable. He just nodded and walked away, and then, he thought of something, walked back. “You know…” He looked at Simon. “I didn’t know you cared.”
“I don’t. Now off you go.” Simon waved his hand in the air.
Chris smiled, suddenly feeling strangely happy, like a weight just came off his shoulder.
**
When Chris got back to the room, Blake was sitting on his bed, waiting for him. As soon as Blake saw Chris walked in, he quickly stood up. “Hey man… is everything ok?” Blake stood still, watching Chris walking towards the closet, talking off his jacket.
“Sure, whassup?”
“I heard Simon took you to dinner?”
“I’m not sleeping with him if that’s what you’re wondering.” Chris laughed at his own joke, but didn’t hear the expected remark from Blake. He put down his jacket and looked back. Blake stood still, staring at him for another moment and looked down, sighed quietly.
“Could we talk?” He said and sat down on the edge of the bed.
Chris walked over and sat on the edge of the other bed, facing Blake. He searched for some eye contact to figure out why Blake looked so sad, but Blake kept his gaze on Chris’ hands.
“I’m sorry about everything Chris.” Blake got up to the drawer and came back with Chris’ grey OBEY t-shirt in hands. “Here…” He handed it to Chris who didn’t reach for it. “I washed it. Here…”
“Blake…” Chris took the t-shirt, tried to form some words so he could make sense of how he was feeling right now, but Blake didn’t give him a chance.
“When I first started this… this thing with you Chris… I first thought… you and I? maybe… but then…” Blake muttered his words, hands nervously fondled with the tip of this shirt. “You see… I’ve only loved music and music never made me doubt or scare. But you did… I’m the least perfect person out there, and you are… just so damn perfect and straight… and… I hate being this… bad person in your life… so if you… if you still wanna be my friend, I would love that. You know, like we first met…” Blake laughed nervously. “Yo man whassup, I’m Blake Lewis… Chris, Richardson, it’s a pleasure to meet you man… and…”
“I love you too, Blake.” Chris stopped Blake’s mumbling, gently reached for those shaky hands. Blake’s face totally froze, stared at Chris like he had just seen a ghost, until he felt the warmth of Chris’ hands warmed his cold fingers.
“Don’t look so horrified.” Chris smiled, copying Blake’s angry reaction at the dinner table. “Did you just hear what I said?”
It took Blake another minute to gather his words. “No, I didn’t, say it again.”
Chris’s smile deepened. “I said, I lov…”
Before he could finish, he was pushed down on the bed with Blake on top of him, lips crushing with his, kissing, like they never been kissed before for a moment when the world stopped spinning and kept still for those who dared to love.
**
“I think you did everything you could with that song Chris, whether it was good enough to stay another week, I don’t know.”
Chris looked at Simon in the eyes, nodded respectfully.
“He doesn’t know what he is talking about!” Blake whispered to Chris as soon as Chris got down the stage. “You are staying! We both are!”
Chris smiled and listened as Blake went on and on about their performances in excitement.
**
Ryan hated this season’s American Idol. It became so complicated and everyone was so nice it got under his skin too. So when the actual result showed Lakisha and Phil had the lowest votes, and yet when he was sent to a room of executives, and told it was going to be Chris and Phil who would be eliminated, even they explained to him why, and Ryan never been bothered by those tricks before, but somehow he was, just this season, and he hated feeling this way.
Ryan also never thought Simon was a good person. He thought Simon was smart and funny, but never good, until the elimination night, until Simon grabbed Ryan and shoved him into an empty dressing room few minutes before the opening.
“Are you sure?!” Ryan stared at Simon.
“I’m. Are you?” Simon stared back.
“You are gonna get me fired. COW.” Ryan shook his head.
“That’s a good boy.” Simon petted Ryan’s head.
They exchanged another glance before walking out of the dressing room.
When everything was cued and the show was seconds from starting, Chris looked back at Blake who sat on the higher level of the couch with Phil and Jordin, smiled, and quietly figured out the arrangement. He was the first to go on stage with Lakisha and Melinda and he would be eliminated and then Phil, Jordin and Blake, where Phil would probably be joining him. Great arrangement. So Chris thought.
“You two.” Ryan, who supposed to be behind those big doors awaiting for the opening, suddenly appeared in front of them, with his microphone off, he pointed at Chris and Phil. “You two, switch seats.”
“What?” Chris was confused.
“NOW.” Ryan signaled Phil to come down and leaned over to Chris as he stood. “I know, ok? Just switch seats, says SIMON.”
Chris looked at Ryan for a moment, nodded and switched seats with Phil who looked confused as usual and sat next to Blake. He glanced over to Simon, who just sat down next to Paula.
“Where were you?” Paula looked at Simon.
“Oh Paula, always miss me.”
“Whatever…”
Before Simon could say anything back, Nigel was next to him, whispering in anger.
“What’s going on over there?” Nigel pointed at the seating arrangement, panicking.
“Oh… that… I asked Ryan to do it.”
“And what the fuck do you do that for?” Nigel almost snapped.
“If we are gonna do this to them, we can at least give them a proper farewell.”
“No way!!” Nigel reached for his phone. But Simon grabbed his hand.
“This show owns them a proper farewell. I’m serious Nigel.”
Nigel looked into Simon’s eyes, knowing there wasn’t enough time to argue and sure he won’t risk Simon walking out in the middle of the show. So he sighed, shook his head and sat back to his seat.
“What’s going on there? Is everything ok?” Paula looked over at Nigel who looked angrier than he ever has been.
“Oh Paula, always worry about me.” Simon put his arm around Paula and winked at her.
**
“Jordin I messed with you last week enough, you sit down, you are safe.”
Blake looked at Chris with fear and worry, and was surprise to see only smile in Chris’ eyes. As soon as they cut to the commercials, Blake turned to Chris. “You are not leaving Chris.”
“I’m.” Chris looked into Blake’s eyes. “And you, you are going to go on, without me, doesn’t matter if you win or not, but you will at least try.”
“You are not going!” Blake almost shouted. Jordin, Melinda and Lakisha kept quiet even though they could hear everything.
“When we are on the stage… Blake, listen to me.” Chris briefly touched Blake’s knee. “You promise you won’t do anything… like jumping me…” He let out a quick laugh.
“Why not?! Might as well…”
“No.” Chris made sure he caught Blake’s eyes, and looked deep into them. “Most people who work on the show don’t deserve that, the girls…” Chris lowered his voice. “The girls don’t deserve that, this is their moment, we have no right to make a scene that will ruin the next few weeks, where you and the girls are gonna show America how talented you all are.”
“Why are you always so...” Blake said quietly, couldn't find the right word to describe how mature, rational and perfect Chris was.
“Because one of us has to.” Chris smiled, with love in his gaze. “So we could survive more of this madness in the future… together.”
And with that said, together, they walked towards the middle of the stage.
**
Blake Lewis never loved anyone in his life. So when Blake said “I love you” for the first time, he was fully expecting the other person to say it back, because hell that person must have been so damn lucky to be his first love.
But when Chris Richardson finished singing his last song on Idol stage, when right before the cameras were finally turned off, Chris walked over and embraced Blake in front of the world without a hint of regret, Blake suddenly realized he was the damn lucky one.
**
Fin.
Author: Suedette
Pairing: Cake
Rating: NC-17 not really.
Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, just for fun.
Notes: This is the last chapter, thanks for reading.:) I wanted to post this before the finale. No matter what happens I think Chris and Blake already left something special, something so much grander than the show, for everyone one of us to carry on, and on that note, I wish them all the love, success and creativity in the future and if many years later we do find out they have been in love since day one, what can I say, that will just be icing on the CAKE.:)
the rest can be find here:
http://ladycielo.livejournal.com
[Cake]You and me? Maybe (8/8)
(8)
Blake never loved anyone in his life. Sure he loved his family and friends, and sure he LOVED music and a good slice of pizza, but he never loved anyone romantically.
So when Blake said “I love you” for the first time, he was fully expecting the other person to say it back, because hell that person must have been so damn lucky to be his first love. So Blake thought.
When Blake saw Chris’ face darkened after getting a phone call, stumbled out of bed and ran to the TV and turned it on, when Blake sat up, saw the images of Virginia Tech shooting on the screen, and Chris’ shoulders, almost shaking with fear and anger, when he walked over, took the phone away from Chris’ hand when the younger man desperately tried to reach his friends but unable to get through, and when he let Chris cry in his arms, and held him tight, it was the perfect timing to say “I love you.” So Blake thought.
When Blake stood in the bottom three of country week and looked over, saw the pain in Chris’ eyes, when he found out he was safe and walked back to his seat, shook hands with Chris and their fingers touched a bit longer, eyes locked, and it was the perfect timing to say “I love you.” So Blake thought.
When Blake came, fingers dipping into the pillow under his face, hips still firmly held by Chris’ hands, when Chris collapsed on top of him, hot breath burned his neck, words mumbled he couldn’t understand, when he turned around and climbed on top of Chris, kissed his forehead, eye lashes, and then lips, it was the perfect timing to say “I Love you.” So Blake thought.
And then, when Blake sat across from Chris, with the rest of the contestants at Sanjaya’s farewell dinner, when jokes were exchanged, laughs were shared and wishes were made, when Sanjaya and Jordin made a flower out of the fruit plate, Phil built a small cheese castle out of the cheese platter, Melinda and Lakisha made little toy chairs out of champagne bottle cups, and when Chris waved a piece of celery in the air, brushed against his own lips, looking at Blake suggestively before putting it in his month, it was not the perfect time to say…
“I love you!”
Chris blinked. The table was silenced. Phil’s cheese castle collapsed. All you could hear was Chris’ attempt to chew that piece of raw celery, once, twice, three times…
“Spit that shit out!” Blake panicked, stared into Chris’ face, demanding some response. The table still silenced, no one moved since that three words were blurted out by Blake fifty seconds ago.
Blake still stared at Chris, who still had that piece half chewed celery in his mouth. So Blake kicked Chris under the table.
“Ouch!” Chris almost jumped, quickly swallowed the celery, smoothing his throat, feeling lucky he didn’t choke to death. “What the fuck Blake?”
“Did you just hear what I said?” Blake knew they had audience, but then Blake never cared about that sort thing.
“Can we…” Chris looked around the table, and leaned forward, whispered as low as he could. “Can we talk about this later?”
Blake threw the folk in his hand on the table, causing a sharp sound, before leaning back on the chair, arms crossed in front, stared at Chris in anger.
“Ok! Who is gonna miss me?” Sanjaya quickly broke the uncomfortable moment by flashing his signature smile.
“We are!!” Everyone raised hands, even Chris nodded. Blake, arm crossed, eyes glaring, stared on.
**
“He doesn’t love me! The asshole doesn’t love me!” Blake screamed into the phone, standing in the parking lot outside the studio.
“Will you calm down?!” Ginger laughed into the phone. “I’m sure he cares about you. But wow, Blake, you said I LOVE YOU, you finally did it! Chris Rich took your virginity!”
“Funny.” Blake squinted knowing his childhood friend won’t see. “At least you aint as cynical as Jake the original asshole.”
“Oh…” Ginger’s voice stirred a little, she was quiet for a moment before speaking up again. “How is he… Jake…” Before Blake can say anything, she added, a little desperate, “did he… did he ask about me? I mean… at all?”
“Ginger…”
“I know. He is… like dating some model now right? That’s… I rather he end up with you.”
“Jake is not gonna end up with that girl.” Blake sighed and lowered his voice. “Gin, the only girl, the only person Jake ever loved is you.”
“Yah.. whatever… that’s why he hasn’t called for month.” Ginger tried to hide the sadness in her voice. “He is a big shot now, like you, and me? I work at a coffee shop, like he is gonna look my way again.”
“Gin, you broke up with him.”
“……” Ginger sighed, gathered herself, “Never mind! Cheer up Blakey! Are you getting ready for the big show?”
“Hey, you know what?!” Blake suddenly had an idea. “Why don’t you come to Hollywood? I could invite more friends to the Idol Gives Back show! Come Ginger come!!!”
“But… I have to work…”
“Do you love me?”
“Blake…”
“Good. I’m calling my parents to go get you on their way to the airport!” Blake shouted into the phone, “love ya!” and hung up. Before he could sneak back into the rehearsal studio, he ran into Simon who came out for a cigarette.
“Oh hey, sorry…”
“Wait Blake.” Simon stopped him. “…About the meeting we had…”
“It’s ok Simon. Chris and I are OVER. So you can tell the assholes not to worry about it.” Blake snapped a little thinking how Chris reacted to his declaration of love.
“Why, cause ex-girl is in town?” Simon said casually.
“What?” Blake’s eyes widened. “What did you say?”
“Oh…” Simon took a drag of his cigarette. “I didn’t say anything.”
“Caitlyn is in town? Since when?”
“Blake!” Simon wouldn’t look into Blake’s eyes, thinking he had said too much. “Go in there rehearse! That’s what we pay you for! Now off you go!”
Blake squinted at Simon, cursed silently and walked back to the studio.
**
The hotel room looked a lot smaller than theirs. Chris looked around and sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Caitlyn, his girlfriend for the longest time, pulling out a bag from her drawer.
“Here.” Caitlyn sat next to Chris. “I know you’re gonna love this.”
Chris opened the bag and it was an OBEY t-shirt. He smiled. OBEY became his favorite brand because it was the first gift he got from Caitlyn on their first Valentine’s Day. On that day he thought he could spend the rest of his life with this woman, he was young, but he knew exactly what he wanted in life. He was very in love, with Caitlyn, with her smile, her cooking, her humor, the small freckles on her shoulder and the gray OBEY t-shirt she gave him over a candlelight dinner she cooked.
Now Chris looked down at this OBEY t-shirt, it was a shade of green, mixed with black patterns. It looked flashier than the grey one he wore so very often.
“Do you still have that one?” Caitlyn smiled at Chris, sharing his memory.
“Yes…” Chris answered quickly and then realized, he hasn’t seen it since he lent it to Blake that night before their so called “relationship” ended with Blake’s cheating.
“That one must be old now.” Caitlyn moved a little closer to Chris. “I bought a new one for you Chris, I wish… everything could be new, like us, starting over…”
“Caitlyn you broke up with me. What made you change your mind?” Chris ran his hand over his hair, unable to look at the girl who broke his heart a little over six month ago.
“I know Chris, but…” Caitlyn sighed. “I know you… you probably think I’m here because you are on some show… but…”
“What is it then?” Chris asked, looking up for the first time.
“I went to see Andrew.” Caitlyn looked into Chris’ eyes. “Andrew was with the boys, you know, Brad, Justin and Jamal.”
“They were together?” Chris smiled, looked at Caitlyn’s hands, resting on her knees.
“They were all at Andrew’s house… I guess they wanted to head back to school together for the memorial service, you know how they are, all dressed in their Hokies jerseys. Except Andrew, Andrew was wearing your CNU jersey, the one you left for him…”
“When we were at CNU, he made me promise him that we are gonna play for the Hokies someday, together…” Chris lowered his voice, rubbed his hands restlessly. “But then… I guess… I disappointed him, went for music instead… I disappointed him…”
Caitlyn put her hand over Chris’. “No… the boys wanted me to tell you…” Her voice was shaky, barely recognizable. “They all saw you that night on the show, they heard you, and they knew you cared. You did them proud, so, so proud, Chris, we are all so proud of you, so proud…” Caitlyn couldn’t finish her sentence, let Chris embraced her and sobbed in his arms.
**
No one was eliminated. Blake, Chris, Melinda, Phil, Lakisha and Jordin, and even some of them would never admit, they had never felt happier, not only because of themselves, but the advancement of each other. All their families and friends were there, and they all left spending time with them after the Idol Gives Back show.
At the Goblin Market, a casual and delicious West Hollywood restaurant, Dinah, Dallas, Ginger, Blake and Jake sat around a table in a quiet corner, just a little uncomfortable in a setting that could have been a circus two years ago.
“So kids, why you all so quiet?” Dinah finally spoke up, exchanging a concerned look with Dallas.
“Huh mum?”
“Nothing.”
“We are fine, Dinah, how is your salmon?”
“It’s delicious, best I ever had, Jake.” Dinah smiled at the man she saw as her own son. “Thank you so much for taking us to all those places and let us stay with you.”
“I should be the happy one.” Jake quickly put his drink down, without the usual cockiness he carried around. “I’m just so… so happy to see you…” He quickly glanced towards Ginger who immediately looked down. “..to see you all.”
“Now Blake.” Dallas looked at Blake who was drinking his fifth beer. “Should you drink this much?”
“Nah, it’s nothing.” Blake flashed his dad a big smile. “I just need to relax, ya know, and this is the last one.”
“LAST ONE.” Dallas looked into Blake’s eyes.
“Yessir!” Blake nodded obediently.
Two hours later Blake was completely trashed. After Jake’s driver drove Dallas and Dinah back to Jake’s house, Blake made Jake and Ginger take him to a bar, had couple more rounds of different type of liquors, while Ginger had soda and Jake only sipped on one drink. Blake continued his complain about Chris that made less sense by the minute, until it was twenty minutes before curfew, Jake dragged Blake out of the bar and shoved him in the car.
The drive back to the hotel was awkward. Blake passed out at the back of the car. Jake, who drove slower than he usually would, glanced over at Ginger who kept her eyes on her hands at all time.
“Gin…”
“Yes?” She quickly looked up, realizing her overly eager reaction, her face turned bright red.
“…I…I’m glad you are here.” Jake smiled at him, turned to look at the road.
“Blake needs me… so…” Ginger knew it wasn’t the whole truth, but she couldn’t give Jake more power than he already have over her.
“…Well, I really miss you…” Jake stared at the road, a little flushed too.
“Is that why you haven’t called for four month?” Ginger now turned to look at Jake, who still stared at the road. He waited for a moment and let the secret he kept away even from Blake.
“I went back to Bothell to see you, two weeks after you broke up with me.” Jake said, voice deepened. “I wanted to surprise you and… hopefully get you back… I went to Ruby’s because I knew you’d be working on Tuesdays…”
Ginger still stared at Jake, shocked and speechless.
“I saw you and Ethan kissing and you looked… happy. So I left. I thought if Ethan makes you happy, then that’s the way it should be.”
“……” Ginger turned her head and now joined Jake looking at the night street. “What else am I suppose to do? You were with some woman or… man… and you lied to me. And after we broke up I started to see pictures of you with Hollywood starlets on the gossip magazines one after another, and Blake, Blake left for Hollywood too, I just felt like I lost you both, And Ethan… he had always been there for me… so I…”
“Gin…” Jake stopped the car in front of the hotel, looked at Ginger in the eyes. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“I’m sorry too.” Ginger smiled sadly at Jake. Jake reached over, and gently touched the side of Ginger’s face. “I can do better if…” Before he could say anything else, Blake almost jumped out of the backseat, grabbed Jake and Ginger’s shoulders and growled.
“HE DOESN’T LOVE ME!” With that said, Blake paused, had a moment of blankness on his face, before putting his hand over his mouth. “I don’t think I feel very well.”
Jake and Ginger both sighed and laughed, pulled Blake out of the car and carried him upstairs. Jake made sure Blake who ran into the bathroom and got everything he ate and drunk out of his system, and forced Blake to take a shower and waited outside with Ginger who had cleaned the room. Five minutes later Blake was out of the shower, naked, Jake laughed and Ginger shook her head and looked away and Blake who had sobered up, apologized and went to look for something to wear. The three best friends talked briefly until curfew time.
**
Chris and Caitlyn hurried into the lobby while Chris’ parents waited in the car. They needed to get some gifts and things Chris bought for his family back home. As they walked pass by the café on the side of the lobby, a familiar voice stopped Chris.
“Blake is going to be ok.” Jake put his coffee cup down.
Ginger nodded and sighed. “I hope so. He has never been this confused in his life, you and I should know better than anyone.”
Chris stepped closer almost unintentionally, Caitlyn followed.
“He really is in love.” Ginger smiled. “But Chris… he seems so… straight.”
Chris blinked, realized he wasn’t the only one who was listening to this conversation. Just when he was about to grab Caitlyn who looked shocked, Jake’s voice spoke up again.
“He is straight. But I believe the feeling is nevertheless mutual.”
Caitlyn glared at Chris with questions, and Chris grabbed her hand and quickly walked into the elevator.
“It’s not what you think Cat.” Chris held Caitlyn by the shoulders as soon as the elevator door was shut. “It’s complicated, but there is nothing going on between Blake and I. You believe me right?”
Caitlyn looked into Chris’ eyes, first with doubt, then a moment later, her gaze fell, and she nodded. “You are not gay Chris. You can’t be.”
“I’m not!” Chris quickly reinsured the statement.
The elevator door opened. Caitlyn looked to the hallway and waited for Chris to let her go. They stood for another moment, before Chris finally gathered himself and let go.
Blake was sound asleep, with his back to them, when they walked into the room. Caitlyn glanced over at Chris who quickly packed the gifts. She looked around the room that was rather clean for two boys, saw the pictures of their families and friend on the bookshelf, and then a ring, a silver ring with a black onyx stone.
“Isn’t this the ring your grandma gave ya?” Caitlyn picked it up and inspected it.
“Uh… yah…” Chris mumbled, quickly put the last box in the bag. “All done.”
“Don’t see you wear it at all.” Caitlyn put the ring back on the shelf. Chris knew lying was hopeless because since he gave Blake this ring for good luck when they made to top 24, Blake always wore it out in public and Caitlyn would see the pictures sooner or later.
“Nah, it’s a little too… flashy for me… so uh… Blake borrowed it… it does suit him better, so whatever.” Chris picked up the bags, smiled nervously. “Ready?”
“Yah… I will get this one.” Caitlyn saw a smaller bag on the edge of the bed, walked over and picked it up, it was right then, Blake stirred lightly in bed, and rolled on his back, still sound asleep.
Caitlyn froze, the bag in her hand fell on the floor, she stared at Blake, took a step back. Chris sensed something and turned around, immediately was short of breath from the view of Blake.
Blake was wearing his grey OBEY t-shirt.
Caitlyn shook her head, let out a bitter laugh and walked towards the door. Chris quickly followed her into the hallway, caught up with her and blocked her way.
“Caitlyn, let me explain…”
“Do you think I’m stupid!!!!??” Caitlyn pushed him, shouted angrily. “This is… this is disgusting!”
“Caitlyn wait.” Chris grabbed Caitlyn’s wrist as she approached the elevator door.
“Don’t touch me!” Caitlyn glared at Chris, her eyes were filled with tears, her body shaking with anger. Chris knew the situation was already out of control, so he let go of her hand. Caitlyn quickly got into the elevator.
“Please don’t tell my parents…” Chris struggled to finish the sentence as the elevator door was shut.
**
Blake woke up with a bad hangover. He sat up and reached for his glasses and saw Chris sitting on the sofa with his laptop.
“Hey man.” Blake put his glass on, waved at Chris who looked as if he hasn’t slept.
“Hey…” Chris pulled his earphones down, and looked at Blake, hair messy, glasses, wearing his OBEY t-shirt, buried in a bed of wrinkled sheets. Under other circumstances it would be such a turned on, but right now it merely felt exhausting.
“I’m surprised to see you here.” Blake leaned against the headboard, pouted a little. “Thought you’d wake up next to Caitlyn right now.” Then he smirked, with such despite that even angered Chris more.
“Shut up Blake.” Chris lowered his eyes, and put his earphone back on. Before he knew it, a pillow hit his face, he jumped in shock, almost knocking his laptop off the sofa. Chris growled, threw the pillow on the floor. “What the fuck is your problem?!”
“You are my problem!” Blake shouted back, his head was hurting like hell and Chris wasn’t making it better. “You’re loving this right now aren’t you??”
“What?”
“What I said to you at Sanjaya’s stupid dinner?!” Blake crossed his arms in front of him. “It must feel really good to keep me hanging!”
“I’m not keeping you hanging.” Chris sat his laptop on the floor, ran his hand over his hair, exhausted. “You are too over the top Blake, one day you go fuck someone else and lie, the next day you tell me to fuck off over the phone, and then the next day you tell me you love me. You are too much! And it’s… it’s exhausting Blake…”
“Sorry I’m not like your boring girlfriend.” Blake knew it was harsh, but words just slipped, like they always do when he argued with Chris.
Chris sighed. He looked into Blake’s eyes, almost hopeless. “Fine. Whatever you say.” Then he stood, picked up his laptop. “We need to go rehearse now… just… give me that t-shirt back.”
“What…?” Blake looked down at Chris’ favorite OBEY t-shirt. “Why?”
“Just give it back.” Chris said with a low voice, he just didn’t understand why Blake was always so difficult.
“No! I want it.” Blake wrapped his arm around himself. “You gave it to me!”
“I didn’t give it to you and I will never give it to you.” Chris snapped. “Because my boring girlfriend bought it for my on our first Valentine’s Day, ok?! So give it back!”
Blake’s arms slowly unwrapped and rested on the bed. He looked at Chris, who didn’t know how to stand in the same spot, paced around the room before walking out, and knew somehow this was the end of the road for them.
**
After their last rehearsal for Bon Jovi night, Blake left the group first. He didn’t know where to go, didn’t call Jake or Ginger because he knew they’d be together, didn’t call Chris because Chris must have been with Caitlyn for all he knew. Blake wondered around the Fox studio, felt sick in the stomach. He was surprised he actually went through with the rehearsal. Maybe he did grew up through out this competition, seeing the grander music business, the reality of the media, the competitive nature and finally, falling in love for the first time, maybe he did grew through all these new experiences and didn’t just quit the show on the spot like he would have done.
Miser record called him this morning and informed him they wouldn’t be able to carry out the contract they had signed with Blake. They understood if Blake wanted to sue, but the damage would be worse if Fox decided to sue them. Blake was angry and disappointed, knowing Miser Record knew well he was on the show and yet still offered him a contract, and knowing Fox or whichever record company that was behind it had everything to do with Miser Record’s now withdraw.
Blake told them calmly he had no intention to sue and he would have his lawyer gather all the paper work to cancel the contract. Taylor Shaw called him and welcomed him to Brooklyn anytime he wanted to jam together. Blake suddenly, just for a moment, regretted to be part of this show.
Sitting down on the stairs on a quieter lot, he thought what his life would be like if he never audition. He’d be making his record, performing locally and sharing beds with those women and men who came into his life along the way. He wouldn’t have the fame, the money in his bank account, the legal problems, the warning to go back to the “closet” that he was never in, and somehow, kind of, falling in love with Chris Richardson.
Blake thought of Chris. It was a long process, what felt a life long thinking thread, and when it reached the end, it started to melt, into a taste of bitter and sweetness, a realization of how simple love felt like. He still couldn’t form words to describe it, but when he closed his eyes and imagine a moment that inspired him, he knew Chris was standing right by him, loving him in the most natural way a person would love anyone. Blake touched the black onyx ring, stood up and walked back to the studio. When he got there, everyone was getting ready to leave, but Chris wasn’t among them.
“Where were ya Blake?” Jordin walked over, whispered.
“I went for a walk.” Blake looked around still couldn’t find Chris.
“Guess what…” Jordin leaned closer. “Simon asked Chris to go to dinner.”
“What?” Blake looked at Jordin, surprised.
“I know…” Jordin rolled her eyes. “Kinda scary… I know I would be scared, ordering food in front of Simon.”
Blake let out a quick laugh, thought about calling Chris, but changed him mind, put his phone back and boarded the limo with everyone.
**
Chris knew something was up when Simon took him to dinner, he just didn’t expect it was something this big. He stared at Simon from across the table, pasta still stuck on the fork, and the fork still in the air.
“Put that down Chris.” Simon thought he sounded like a father.
“Are you really telling me this?” Chris put down the folk, still couldn’t believe what he just heard.
“Chris, like I said.” Simon cleared his throat, looked into Chris’ eyes. “You and Blake, one of you has to go.”
“So you are gonna manipulate the votes.” Chris’ voice deepened with anger.
“You left them with no choice Chris.” Simon continued, with no emotions in his voice. “Well… Blake didn’t leave them any choice. He is like a walking time bomb, and could explode any moment on live television, and Fox, Ford and Coca-cola weren’t going to risk that.”
“You are worried he will… kiss me or something on the show?” Chris let out a forceful laugh.
“Whatever it is, it can’t happen, not on this show.” Simon sighed a little. “I hope you understand Chris. I chose to talk to you because even though you are younger, you are the mature one.”
Chris looked away, for the next few moment, they kept quiet, both looked at different direction as the waiter came and went added water in their glasses.
“The elimination show will be arranged in certain way that you two won’t be sitting next to each other or have any chance to be close.” Simon calmly explained.
Chris laughed, a little dry, a little hopeless. “So this is what the show comes down to, preventing fags from making out on national television.”
“Chris…”
“What a joke.” Chris shook his head. He was angry but he knew things like this did happen, to many artisits. “Why… what's the point of telling me all these?”
“Well, about that.” Simon moved a little in his seat, looking slightly embarrassed. “I’m pretty much the one who make the decision…” He took a sip of his water and kept his glance on his own hand. “I’m NOT suppose to talk to you about this, but I have decided to sent Blake home.”
Chris felt his heart skipped when those words were said. He took a deep breath and bit his tongue not to say anything.
“But judging from the rehearsal… Yes I DID see the rehearsals, Randy and Paula never did, but I always did. Blake’s performance is risky and America doesn’t know better, they could love it or hate it and what I’m going to say after the performance will make an impact. So if I do say it’s bad, which I don’t think it will be, Blake’s elimination won’t seem so sudden.”
“Then why don’t you just follow your script?” Chris started to get confused by the point of all this.
“Because you two are… involved.” Simon said slowly. “If I were going to choose to eliminate Blake, somehow… I feel like I need to have this conversation with you.”
Chris looked at Simon for a while, and slowly realized what was going through Simon’s mind, the sympathy and the uneasiness the older man had carried with him while dealing with this situation with the poker face he always wore.
“Why don’t you think about this for few minutes.” Simon got up, took his cigarette from his jacket. “I’ll be back in five.”
Chris nodded. He took a sip of water, feeling the coldness running through his dry throat. He laughed a little at the situation and then suddenly remembered something and reached for his phone.
“Who is this?” Sanjaya’s voice sounded the same, creamy and annoying, Chris thought.
“Chris, Rich.”
“Wow. What do you want?”
“Remember that Tarot Card thing you did?”
“Reading.”
“Right. What did the last card say?”
“Hm… Why do you ask?”
“You better answer that in ten seconds or I will give you a hard time on the tour!”
“Why you gotta be a bully to me?!”
“SANJAYA!”
“Fine.” Sanjaya sighed loudly into the phone. “It was The Fool.”
“The fool, uh…” Chris tiled his head. “Meaning…?”
“Meaning… remember that choice you gotta make? that person you need to sacrifice in order to prevent the Wheel of Fortune turning against you? The Fool meant no matter what choice you make, you are still gonna be the stupid one!”
Chris laughed. He was surprised that he laughed and he couldn’t stop.
“What? Did you make some life changing decision and realized you should have listened to me?” Sanjaya fronted.
“Well… I must say you are good at this thing.” Chris smiled. “Say… what if I ended up falling for the person I need to sacrifice?”
“Well…!” Sanjaya made a “duh” face at the phone. “Didn’t I just say you are THE FOOL?!”
“Sure you did.” Chris let out a long breath. “The fool it is then.” Before Sanjaya could make another remark, Chris said thinks and hung up. He looked at the glass on the table for a moment, held it up and drank all the water up. It tasted really good and he wasn’t sure why.
When Simon came back, Chris had a smile on his face that made Simon stopped half way on his way back to the table.
“Oh come on Simon, sit down.” Chris squinted at Simon.
“So?” Simon sat down.
“I’m going home.” Chris nodded, without a hint of doubt on his face. Simon didn’t respond and didn’t look surprised either. Chris smiled at the older man. “You knew right? You knew I’d choose to go home.”
“I wish you didn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because then I won’t feel guilty.” Simon finally smiled, just a little before he put the poker face back on.
“I want you to be true when you judge Blake’s performance, that’s all I’m asking.” Chris said.
“You got it kid.” Simon nodded.
“Ok… I should head back.” Chris stood up and stopped. “Wait… uh… are you paying?”
Simon rolled his eyes.
“Thanks man.” Chris considered giving Simon a handshake, but then looking at the older English man who sat with his arms crossed in front his chest, he thought it was best not to make the situation more uncomfortable. He just nodded and walked away, and then, he thought of something, walked back. “You know…” He looked at Simon. “I didn’t know you cared.”
“I don’t. Now off you go.” Simon waved his hand in the air.
Chris smiled, suddenly feeling strangely happy, like a weight just came off his shoulder.
**
When Chris got back to the room, Blake was sitting on his bed, waiting for him. As soon as Blake saw Chris walked in, he quickly stood up. “Hey man… is everything ok?” Blake stood still, watching Chris walking towards the closet, talking off his jacket.
“Sure, whassup?”
“I heard Simon took you to dinner?”
“I’m not sleeping with him if that’s what you’re wondering.” Chris laughed at his own joke, but didn’t hear the expected remark from Blake. He put down his jacket and looked back. Blake stood still, staring at him for another moment and looked down, sighed quietly.
“Could we talk?” He said and sat down on the edge of the bed.
Chris walked over and sat on the edge of the other bed, facing Blake. He searched for some eye contact to figure out why Blake looked so sad, but Blake kept his gaze on Chris’ hands.
“I’m sorry about everything Chris.” Blake got up to the drawer and came back with Chris’ grey OBEY t-shirt in hands. “Here…” He handed it to Chris who didn’t reach for it. “I washed it. Here…”
“Blake…” Chris took the t-shirt, tried to form some words so he could make sense of how he was feeling right now, but Blake didn’t give him a chance.
“When I first started this… this thing with you Chris… I first thought… you and I? maybe… but then…” Blake muttered his words, hands nervously fondled with the tip of this shirt. “You see… I’ve only loved music and music never made me doubt or scare. But you did… I’m the least perfect person out there, and you are… just so damn perfect and straight… and… I hate being this… bad person in your life… so if you… if you still wanna be my friend, I would love that. You know, like we first met…” Blake laughed nervously. “Yo man whassup, I’m Blake Lewis… Chris, Richardson, it’s a pleasure to meet you man… and…”
“I love you too, Blake.” Chris stopped Blake’s mumbling, gently reached for those shaky hands. Blake’s face totally froze, stared at Chris like he had just seen a ghost, until he felt the warmth of Chris’ hands warmed his cold fingers.
“Don’t look so horrified.” Chris smiled, copying Blake’s angry reaction at the dinner table. “Did you just hear what I said?”
It took Blake another minute to gather his words. “No, I didn’t, say it again.”
Chris’s smile deepened. “I said, I lov…”
Before he could finish, he was pushed down on the bed with Blake on top of him, lips crushing with his, kissing, like they never been kissed before for a moment when the world stopped spinning and kept still for those who dared to love.
**
“I think you did everything you could with that song Chris, whether it was good enough to stay another week, I don’t know.”
Chris looked at Simon in the eyes, nodded respectfully.
“He doesn’t know what he is talking about!” Blake whispered to Chris as soon as Chris got down the stage. “You are staying! We both are!”
Chris smiled and listened as Blake went on and on about their performances in excitement.
**
Ryan hated this season’s American Idol. It became so complicated and everyone was so nice it got under his skin too. So when the actual result showed Lakisha and Phil had the lowest votes, and yet when he was sent to a room of executives, and told it was going to be Chris and Phil who would be eliminated, even they explained to him why, and Ryan never been bothered by those tricks before, but somehow he was, just this season, and he hated feeling this way.
Ryan also never thought Simon was a good person. He thought Simon was smart and funny, but never good, until the elimination night, until Simon grabbed Ryan and shoved him into an empty dressing room few minutes before the opening.
“Are you sure?!” Ryan stared at Simon.
“I’m. Are you?” Simon stared back.
“You are gonna get me fired. COW.” Ryan shook his head.
“That’s a good boy.” Simon petted Ryan’s head.
They exchanged another glance before walking out of the dressing room.
When everything was cued and the show was seconds from starting, Chris looked back at Blake who sat on the higher level of the couch with Phil and Jordin, smiled, and quietly figured out the arrangement. He was the first to go on stage with Lakisha and Melinda and he would be eliminated and then Phil, Jordin and Blake, where Phil would probably be joining him. Great arrangement. So Chris thought.
“You two.” Ryan, who supposed to be behind those big doors awaiting for the opening, suddenly appeared in front of them, with his microphone off, he pointed at Chris and Phil. “You two, switch seats.”
“What?” Chris was confused.
“NOW.” Ryan signaled Phil to come down and leaned over to Chris as he stood. “I know, ok? Just switch seats, says SIMON.”
Chris looked at Ryan for a moment, nodded and switched seats with Phil who looked confused as usual and sat next to Blake. He glanced over to Simon, who just sat down next to Paula.
“Where were you?” Paula looked at Simon.
“Oh Paula, always miss me.”
“Whatever…”
Before Simon could say anything back, Nigel was next to him, whispering in anger.
“What’s going on over there?” Nigel pointed at the seating arrangement, panicking.
“Oh… that… I asked Ryan to do it.”
“And what the fuck do you do that for?” Nigel almost snapped.
“If we are gonna do this to them, we can at least give them a proper farewell.”
“No way!!” Nigel reached for his phone. But Simon grabbed his hand.
“This show owns them a proper farewell. I’m serious Nigel.”
Nigel looked into Simon’s eyes, knowing there wasn’t enough time to argue and sure he won’t risk Simon walking out in the middle of the show. So he sighed, shook his head and sat back to his seat.
“What’s going on there? Is everything ok?” Paula looked over at Nigel who looked angrier than he ever has been.
“Oh Paula, always worry about me.” Simon put his arm around Paula and winked at her.
**
“Jordin I messed with you last week enough, you sit down, you are safe.”
Blake looked at Chris with fear and worry, and was surprise to see only smile in Chris’ eyes. As soon as they cut to the commercials, Blake turned to Chris. “You are not leaving Chris.”
“I’m.” Chris looked into Blake’s eyes. “And you, you are going to go on, without me, doesn’t matter if you win or not, but you will at least try.”
“You are not going!” Blake almost shouted. Jordin, Melinda and Lakisha kept quiet even though they could hear everything.
“When we are on the stage… Blake, listen to me.” Chris briefly touched Blake’s knee. “You promise you won’t do anything… like jumping me…” He let out a quick laugh.
“Why not?! Might as well…”
“No.” Chris made sure he caught Blake’s eyes, and looked deep into them. “Most people who work on the show don’t deserve that, the girls…” Chris lowered his voice. “The girls don’t deserve that, this is their moment, we have no right to make a scene that will ruin the next few weeks, where you and the girls are gonna show America how talented you all are.”
“Why are you always so...” Blake said quietly, couldn't find the right word to describe how mature, rational and perfect Chris was.
“Because one of us has to.” Chris smiled, with love in his gaze. “So we could survive more of this madness in the future… together.”
And with that said, together, they walked towards the middle of the stage.
**
Blake Lewis never loved anyone in his life. So when Blake said “I love you” for the first time, he was fully expecting the other person to say it back, because hell that person must have been so damn lucky to be his first love.
But when Chris Richardson finished singing his last song on Idol stage, when right before the cameras were finally turned off, Chris walked over and embraced Blake in front of the world without a hint of regret, Blake suddenly realized he was the damn lucky one.
**
Fin.