2. Bloodlines
2. Bloodlines
Word: 6229
Pairing: Xiuhan
Rated: PG-13
Summary: Minseok always knew there was a difference between Luhan and himself, but he never realized just how big that difference was until either of them didn't get a choice in anything anymore.
Author’s Note: Omg, did I just write something for my otp? Oh god, it feels like all the crap. Anyway, phrase two in the 10 prompt mission. I can’t believe this is twice as long as the last one. Let me just throw myself off a cliff now~ Oh and this was written on my phone, so don’t worry, I’ll be editing it as I go through and reread everything over, and over, and over again.
The first time Minseok meets Luhan is in daycare. See their town was small so all the little kids that were too young to go to be sent off to school went there. Kids from all social classes were all thrown into the same building without any real order, but that was okay. As long as they were safe while the parents went off to work for the day then it was okay.
Minseok was from the poorer side of town, but he never really knew any different. He's family never had much money so he learn how to go out with the other kids in his side of town and they found their own fun. As long as they could run freely then it was fun, so Minseok never really able to keep himself the cleanest.
Not that he care. If he was having fun then life was good.
Then he saw Luhan, a little boy with bright eyes and an even brighter smile.
On the first day of daycare Minseok walked in with his hand wrapped tightly around his mother's until he spotted his friends. With a smile to his mother, he dropped her hand and ran to them.
As long as they were there then there was no need to be nervous.
But as he ran to them and tackled them into a hug, he turned his head he noticed another boy. He had a loose grip on his mother's hand as she spoke with one of the adults in charge, and Minseok watched as the boy scanned the room with bright eyes. It almost seemed like this was the first time the boy had ever seen so many kids in one place, but that was silly.
Or so Minseok had thought.
Minseok continued to watch the other boy until the boy's gaze met his. Unsure of what to do from there, Minseok just stared until the other broke out into a grin then he turned his gaze away. Something was different about that kid, Minseok just didn't know what.
"Oh, it's another one of them," one of the boys from Minseok's neighborhood mumbled out when he turned to see what Minseok had been staring at. Minseok had been confused, but didn't really dig deeper into it. One of the girls had said something about playing hide and seek in the playground, so that meant time for fun.
The little boy with bright eyes could wait.
Days went by, and Minseok couldn't help but notice how alone that same boy looked. He didn't really seem like he fit in with anyone. He tried once to sit with a group of other kids at snack time, but one look at him had them finishing off their snacks and heading out to play. Minseok kind of felt bad for the boy as he watched his bright smile fall off. He also didn't understand why they all treated him that way, it just didn't seem fair. Which is how he came to be holding two strawberry milks as he made his way to the far end of the room where the boy with the pretty face sat alone.
When Minseok came to a stop a foot or so from him, he realized then that he really didn't know what to say. Luckily enough the boy seemed too focused on drawing that he had yet to noticed Minseok standing there, but it was only a matter of time before he looked up at Minseok with big confused eyes and a sad smile hovering at the edge of his lips. Without really thinking, Minseok thrusted the little carton of milk at the boy.
"I'm Minseok, and I thought you looked lonely," he told the boy as he sat down beside him and ignored the questioning look he was giving him. He was trying to make friends and normally this came naturally to Minseok, but this boy was different and something about him threw Minseok off.
But thankfully the boy got what Minseok was trying for.
"My name is Luhan," he told Minseok as he smiled down at the carton, then smiled even brighter when he turned to look at Minseok again. "Thank you."
Pretty.
It took a few moments of him watching how Luhan's eyes rounded out to realize that he had actually said that out loud, but once he did his face colored in embarrassment. He grew an even deeper shade of red as he listened to Luhan surprisingly loud laugh before he stood up and pushed him over.
"Cut it out," Minseok grounded out. "Stop laughing or I won't be your friend!"
It took a few moments, but finally Luhan had stopped. Still embarrassed about his slip of tongue, Minseok took back the milk and told Luhan that he'd have to starve for his mistake, and sat back down right beside him as he opened his own carton and began to drink. He tried to ignore the way Luhan was still beaming, but it was hard to when Luhan started tugging on his sleeve.
"I'm not giving you the milk, you have to earn it back," Minseok told him sternly and he slid his gaze back to Luhan.
"That's not it," Luhan smiled. "Are we really friends?"
It took Minseok awhile to answer because he didn't know how. Didn't he just say they were? Wasn't that enough?
"Uh... Yeah," Minseok said as he lowered his milk to the ground. "Didn't I just say we were? Or do you not want to be?"
"No! I want to be," Luhan all but shouts at Minseok, but when he notices his startled face he shoots Minseok an embarrassed smile of his own and sigh. "I've just never really had a friend. No one ever want to be. And this is the first time I've seen so many other kids in one place. So I don't think I'm very good at the friend making thing."
That hurt Minseok's heart, he never had problems being friends with others. His mother always told him to just be yourself and people will flock to you, so that's what he did. But he didn't understand why Luhan didn't have friends. He seemed nice enough and pretty too, so why was it so hard for him?
"Well don't worry," Minseok told him as he patted his head and handed him the milk carton again. It was fine, Luhan deserved it now. "I won't go anywhere. We'll be together forever." The smile that lit up Luhan's face when he said that warmed Minseok's heart. He knew he would do anything to make what he said the truth.
But Minseok didn't realize how hard it would be to keep that promise.
The first time Minseok realizes that Luhan and him weren't the same was on a rainy day in daycare. Rain never stopped Minseok and his friends from playing outside, none of their families had much money, so it was up to them to make their own fun. Besides they never really minded the mud, and by this time he successfully recruited Luhan into his circle of friends. So that meant the mud couldn't stop Luhan either.
Well that's what he had believed.
It wasn't that Luhan didn't want to either, he was all for jumping on Minseok and rolling around in the mud. Everything was going so well that Minseok didn't think for a second that this was wrong. It wasn't until he looked up at Luhan mud splattered smile, that he heard an ear splitting shriek. Both of them turned in time to see the woman that Minseok recognized as Luhan's mother stare at them in horror.
It was only a second, but in no time at all a woman had made her way over to the two of them and ripped Luhan from on top of Minseok. With a grip as hard as steel, she dragged him a few feet away before she started to shout.
"What in God's name do you think you are doing, Luhan!?" She shrieked as she shook him by his upper arm. As Minseok watched, he sat frozen in his spot in the mud until he saw the woman raise her hand. In almost a slowed down time frame, Minseok stared in horror as he watched the woman bring her hand down with blinding speed right across Luhan's face.
Minseok had never seen a parent strike their child, and he definitely didn't like the look of despair on Luhan's face with his eyes casted to the ground as the woman continued to yell.
"Do you have any idea how much those clothes cost!?" She demanded as she grabbed at Luhan's chin and forced him to look her in the eyes. That was about the time Minseok had enough of this. He didn't like watching his happy friend that was full of smiles, look like he was about to break down and cry in front of everyone. Just as he made to get up one of the other boys grabbed his arm and forced him back down. Minseok turned to tell him to let go, but the boy just shook his head and looked back towards Luhan and his mother, and soon after Minseok's eyes followed too.
Minseok didn't get it.
"How could you embarrass me like this, Luhan?" She asked him before she continued to pull him to the doors that led inside. "And how in the world can they let children behave this way? Is there no one watching you here? I swear this is the last time I'll have you come here."
At first Minseok didn't pay much mind to those words. He heard so many parents say those very words so many times before. But that didn't stop Minseok from running up to the window inside the daycare. Minseok stood there with his hand on the cold glass as he watched the woman force Luhan into a car. But for some reason Minseok couldn't get those works out of his head as the days passed and Luhan was no where to be seen.
For the first time Minseok felt his heart squeeze, and all he wanted was to have Luhan back. Unfortunately Luhan never did come back to daycare, and suddenly his days weren't as fun as they used to be. But Minseok would still sit by the window and wait for the black car, the one he came to recognize as Luhan's, to drive by.
It never did, but that didn't stop Minseok from waiting.
It wasn't until another rainy day that Minseok over heard the whispers of the adults in charge that he realized how hopeless this all really was.
"That's just sad to see. Look at how he waits for Luhan everyday. Doesn't he know that his mother withdrew him from the program?"
"Shhh! Not so loud. It's not our place to talk about it, and even if it was I wouldn't want to be the one to tell Minseok that. They always were so happy together, I couldn't be the one to tell him that Luhan wasn't coming back."
"You're right. Man, it must be nice to be rich. I mean, hiring a personal babysitter? That's crazy."
"I agree. But I heard it was more like a live in nanny. You know, so she could watch him at all times of the day."
Rich.
Minseok had never heard that word before, but without even knowing what it meant he still knew that was the reason everyone treated Luhan so differently.
Staring out through the rain splattered window Minseok decided he didn't like this "rich" very much. It made people act weird.
"Mom, what does rich mean?" Minseok as one day as he helped his mom bring in some firewood. She had said that they need to start storing up on it now, so that they would have plenty for winter.
"Rich?" She asked with a slight laugh in her tone as she placed her bunch of wood into the holder before turning to take the piece out of Minseok's waiting arms. "Well it could mean many things, but I'm guessing you heard it being used by someone referring to money?"
"I dunno," Minseok shrugged then brushed the wood bits off his hands by rubbing them against his pants. "I just heard the ladies at the daycare talking about my friend's family, and they used that word."
"Oh?" His mom asked with a smile as she picked him up and set him on the table top. "Which friend is that?" She asked as she turned away to wet a rag before turning back to wipe some left over dirt from his face. "Honestly, I want to know how you get so dirt all the time. You could be sitting in a spotless room and you'd still get dirty." Ignoring the jab, Minseok continued.
"His name is Luhan, and he has a really big smile," his mom smiled at Minseok's description of the boy, and squeezed his cheeks with the wet cloth before releasing him with a laugh.
"Then they mean money, dear," she told him as she turned to ring out the rag. "You're not really old enough to understand, but there is people in this world who don't live like us. We don't have money, we are what most consider poor. But families like Luhan's, they do have it, so they can live better lives." Minseok sat in silence for a little in thought as his mom took to cleaning, until he finally looked up and sighed.
"I don't think I like rich very much," he told her as he hopped off the table. "It makes people act weird."
But Luhan was different. He didn't act weird, he was just Luhan.
Minseok never forgot about Luhan either, but it wasn't until they were well into their third year of school that he saw him again. And this time it wasn't by chance. Luhan had looked for him.
And Luhan had found him.
"Minnie!" Minseok almost cringed at the nickname as he was walking home with some friends until he remembered exactly who it was that would alway call him that. Once the realization flooded through him, Minseok whipped around, but he was still too slow. With a crushing force, Luhan slammed into him so hard that they both fell to the ground hard.
"Lu-Luhan!?!" With a laugh Luhan sat up on Minseok's stomach and grinned down at the confusion in his eyes.
"It's nice to see you remember me, Baozi," Minseok hated that nickname the most, but he could never bring himself to tell Luhan that. Especially when he would smile down at him like was now.
"Of course I do," Minseok told him with a serious look. In fact Minseok never forgot Luhan's infectious happiness, or the broken look on his face the last time he saw him.
That look still haunted Minseok's dreams.
Minseok was aware of his friends’ confusion as the stood on the side lines watching them, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from Luhan. It had been years since he last looked at him, and so much had changed, but at the same time nothing at all.
It had been four years too long.
Minseok tried to say something, he really did, but then he saw how Luhan slowly closed his eyes, and before Minseok knew what was happening, Luhan had his arms wrapped tightly around him. Minseok couldn't move, but the really scary thing was that he didn't think he even wanted to. With Luhan there everything finally felt right, he didn't think he ever wanted to leave this behind again.
"I missed you, Baozi," Luhan whispered into Minseok's ear just before he pulled back and smiled. "We need to do something, but not later. Right now."
"Soccer," Minseok blurted out without really thinking about what he had said. That's where he was going with his friends now, and he just knew that he needed to share that with Luhan. He remembered the way Luhan's eyes shone when he ran around when they played hide and seek, and he just knew that he would love this too.
He would love it.
And he did.
All over again Minseok was struck by how pretty Luhan's smile was as he watched him from the side field. As Luhan made fast friends with everyone and ran so freely Minseok's heart felt ready to burst.
Rich.
Minseok now knew what everyone meant by that now, and still he hated it. Luhan was just Luhan. His parents’ money didn't matter to Minseok, and it never would. The only thing that mattered was Luhan's heart stopping smile and bright eyes.
"I won't go anywhere. We'll be together forever."
As Minseok thought back on that careless promise he wanted to cry. He felt bad for forgetting it, he felt even worse for not keeping it, but from now on he knew; he just knew.
He was never going to break that promise ever again.
"Baozi!" Luhan shouted as he waved him over fanatically. "Let's play already!"
Minseok couldn't hold back his smile when he saw Luhan jumping all around just to get him to hurry up, but he didn't want to anyway. With Luhan he never would hold back.
As long as Luhan fought for this friendship, Minseok never would give up on it either.
But just like everything else, Luhan's mother found out about the after school soccer games. And just like daycare, she did everything she could to put a stop to this too.
Only now Luhan and Minseok was a little more rebellious than they were back then. It got to the point where Minseok would show up outside Luhan's school, and as soon as Luhan saw him he would skip out on class and to scaled the wall just so they could kick a soccer ball around for a few hours.
But hey, at least it wasn't anything illegal.
Years passed like this, and as much as Minseok tried to hold it in, he couldn't. He couldn't help but feel like it wasn't enough. He wanted more than just a few days a week with Luhan. It was fun at first, but now Minseok wanted more than stolen school hours together. He wanted to hang out with Luhan in town. He wanted to see how Luhan's hair and eyes looked at sunset.
He wanted to see if Luhan's eyes shone like he dreamed they did under the street lights.
But he'd never say that to Luhan. He knew he was trying, he knew how hard this was on him. Minseok knew it all. He knew how much Luhan would never admit to either, he knew Luhan's mom came down hard on him about all of this. And no matter how much she stepped it up, Minseok and Luhan would find a way around her extra security.
There was no stopping them.
"What do you want more than anything in the whole world, Baozi?"
Minseok hated that name, but he'd never tell Luhan that.
"To sing songs that touch people's hearts," that had always been Minseok's dream, ever since the first time he sung to his mother and it brought tears to her eyes. He wanted to sing his heart out for her.
"That's so you," Luhan whispered out, chest heaving up and down as he laid in the grass right next to Minseok.
"Well what about you?" Minseok asked as he turned to look at him. Luhan was always beautiful, it was just one of those things that Minseok would never get used to.
There was just no getting use to Luhan.
Minseok watched as Luhan's eyebrow creased and his lips turned down.
"I don't know," hearing that Minseok's heart clutched again. It was a common feeling that came with talking about Luhan's future because they both knew that Luhan had no say in it. Minseok wanted to change that, but he was old enough now to know that he didn't have the right it the power to do anything about it.
"But..." Luhan started and took a deep breath before he turned and shot a small smile at Minseok. "But I think that for now, more than anything, I just want to stay here with you."
Even if it was pointless, Minseok thinks that Luhan understands how he feels.
In their junior year Luhan's mother finally decided that if she wanted things done, than it was best to do it herself. She found out where they would run off together, and just happened to have the best kind of timing ever.
See Minseok and Luhan had a special connection. One where they didn't need to say anything, they just understood.
So in tenth grade when Minseok walked Luhan back to his school and pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard they both knew. It wasn't just an "I like you" kiss. No, this was an "I wish things were different" kind of kiss. One that said that they wished they could to out, that Minseok could take Luhan out to eat cheap food from the food stalls on the streets late at night. That he could actually see how Luhan's eyes shine in the dark instead of dreaming about it all the time.
And as Luhan pulled him in to kiss him harder Minseok knew; Luhan felt the same.
But today he was happy, he had something to tell Luhan, but not only that. He wanted Luhan to be the first to know. He wanted Luhan to be happy with him, and Minseok was sure he would be.
It just so happens that when Luhan tackled Minseok to the ground on their weekly sneak out, this time things got pretty heated. As Luhan hovered over Minseok, he ran his hand under Minseok's shirt and Minseok pulled him down hard. Lips slid over each other, and if it wasn't for the almost deafening loud throat clear than Minseok is sure he could've stayed like that forever.
But no one else knew about this place, and even if they did no one would be there at this time of day.
So when Minseok pulls back enough to peek around Luhan's shoulder his blood runs cold, and he has this horrible urge to throw whatever was left in his stomach from breakfast up. Realizing that Minseok was no longer moving along with him, Luhan too pulls back to look and he notices pales to.
Off across the field stood the one person they tried the hardest to keep any of this from.
Luhan's mother.
They both sat motionless as she stared the both of them down. Neither of them knew what to do from there. They didn't want to move because that would mean a faster end to this; whatever this was. But they couldn't stay like that forever. Just as Minseok was going to whisper something, anything, into Luhan's ear, his mother started to make her way towards them.
Then is when they finally moved. Jumping apart at lightening speeds, they stood up and were able to straighten out their clothes before she came to a stop two feet from them.
As Luhan kept his eyes to the ground and his mother kept her glare trained on his face, Minseok grew steady more uncomfortable. Words, Minseok liked words, but when it came to the two of them there was just silence until one snapped. So before things reached that point Minseok wanted to say something. Hopefully to smooth things over? Or to just defuse things a little.
Anything was better than nothing, right?
Minseok thinks the person that came up with that saying apparently never met someone like Luhan's mom.
Just as Minseok opened his mouth to say something, she cut him off with a raised hand and a deadly glare.
"Don't," she said in a tone of steel. "I rather not even look at you, let alone listen to your disgusting voice." Hearing her say this shocked Minseok into silence, but it seemed to snap Luhan out of his.
"Mother!" He shouted as he snapped his gaze up to meet hers. "You have not right to talk to him that way! Apologize now!"
"I have no right?" She questioned Luhan as she took a step closer to him, and Luhan surprised even Minseok when he didn't back down. If anything he stood taller as he met her glare with one of his own. "Because of his influence he has you running around and ruining your life, and for what?! For a romantic fling!?"
"He doesn't have me doing anything," Luhan ground out as he looked her in the eye. "If anyone as me ruining my life, it's you. It's all your rules and expectations that are driving me over the edge. Minseok is the only good thing about my life here. He isn't a romantic fling either, I love him." Minseok hated the way that, even in this situation, those three words could still make his heart race.
He was right from the beginning, there was no getting use to Luhan.
"I won't allow that," she all but growled as she casted a glare at Minseok. "I will not let my only son ruin his life because he thinks he's in love with another man!"
"You can't stop me," Luhan told her as he reached for Minseok. Only to stop when her next words reached his ears.
"You're still a minor, Luhan. Or have you forgot?" She asked and smiled when she saw him hesitate. "You live under my roof, you follow my rules." Minseok the fear in Luhan's eyes as he stared into his own, and he wanted nothing more than to hold Luhan. Only he felt like that would only make this so much worse.
"I could move out," Luhan tried to say, but they both could hear the doubt in his voice.
"With what money?" She said, hitting the nail right on the head. "It's all your father's and mine. Or do you plan to move in with this boy and his mother?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "She's almost had her house seized multiple times for failure to pay bills, do you really think they can take on one more mouth to feed?"
The truth stuck them deep, Minseok would love to take Luhan in, but even with his part time job there still wouldn't be enough to pay for him. Luhan could get a job, but Minseok was sure she would do everything to stop that from happening.
"You are to come home for dinner tonight, and your father and I will disgust what we will do about you," and with that she turned and left. Leaving the cold and empty feeling of hopelessness in her wake.
It wasn't until her car was gone from their sight that Luhan's legs seemed to give out, and he fell to the ground cradling his head in his hands.
"What am I going to do?" He asked as he shook, not really expecting an answer.
An answer that Minseok didn't have.
All Minseok could do was kneel down next to him and rub soothing circles into his back numbly as he kept his gaze trained onto the stop his mother's car disappeared.
"It's going to work out, Luhan," Minseok told him. "You're going to be fine."
"No," Luhan said as he kept one hand covering his face while the other reached out for one of Minseok's. "I'm not going to be fine, because we're not going to be fine. I'll never be fine without you, and I know her. She's going to do everything she can to stop this. I can't lose you, Minseok. Not now, not ever." Even if Minseok couldn't see his face, he still knew that Luhan was crying. Not because he knew his voice as well as he did, no. It was because it was taking everything in Minseok not to bawl at this very moment.
Luhan was always something that Minseok could barely hold on to, but now he felt like Luhan was being ripped from his grasp. It wasn't fair, but nothing rarely ever fair for them.
With a choked gasp, Minseok laid his cheek on top of Luhan's hair and let out a few tears of his own. Minseok didn't have to say it, they both knew.
Minseok couldn't live without Luhan either. They were just two parts of a whole, and Minseok couldn't even begin to imagine life without Luhan there.
Luhan was Minseok's other half.
"Run away?" Minseok asked as he sat beside Luhan on his bed. It wasn't often Luhan snuck out, but ever since the talk with his parents he's been on totally lock down. "You do realized how crazy that is right?"
"We could do it, Minseok," Luhan told him as he moved to hold his hands, and by the way Luhan used his real name, Minseok knew he was serious. "I know we could, it might be a little rough at first, but we can do it."
For a second Minseok imagined it, imagined the life with Luhan. Just them, by themselves. It would be hard, probably the hardest thing they've ever done, but Minseok knew he would be able to wake up to Luhan every morning, and that would make everything worth it. Just to see Luhan’s face first thing every day for the rest of their life, that would be a dream come true in itself.
But that's all it was, a dream.
"Luhan, we can't," Minseok told him as he looked him in the eyes. "I just can't."
"But why not?!" Luhan demanded as he griped his hands tighter. "Don't you want to be with me?"
"It's not you, Lu-"
"Then what is it!?" Luhan shouted as he threw his hands from him and stood up. "Did I just read this wrong? Do you not actually love me like how I love you?"
"Luhan, dammit. I love you, so sit down and listen," Minseok sighed as he pulled him back down on the bed before he intertwined their fingers. "My mom... She's sick Lu. I need to try and make some money to help her out." This isn't how Minseok wanted to tell him, but it was now or never. "And... I got in, Lu. That audition I went to a while ago, they finally called back and said they wanted me to join the company. I can make the money to help her now. I can do this Lu."
Minseok doesn't really know what he expected to happen when he finally told Luhan the news, maybe a pat on the back or a kiss. But he definitely didn't expect Luhan to look... heartbroken. Like hearing that just crushed his whole world.
"Lu..."
"No," Luhan whispered out. "This can't be happening..." They sat in silence for a few moment before Minseok was finally able to speak pass the lump that seemed to lodge its way in his throat.
"Luhan, why are you so desperate to leave now?" Minseok asked as him watched Luhan take deep shuddering breaths. "Why right now? Why not when we finish school?" Minseok watched as Luhan fell apart right before him, but he couldn't do anything.
Useless.
"I'm leaving, Minseok," Luhan sobbed out as he caved in on himself. "They're sending me away, and I can't stop them."
And there really was nothing that either of them could do. Just like that, Minseok's other half was ripped right out of his hands.
In the end Minseok couldn't keep his promise, and Luhan couldn't keep holding on. When Minseok said that his mom and him were barely getting by, he meant it. It took everything to just pay the rent, they couldn't afford extra stuff like cellphones or computers, so there really was no way to stay in contact with Luhan. And even when the years passed and Minseok was able to make a little extra, he couldn't just go and look for Luhan. He had no idea where to even start looking.
Luhan wasn't even told where he was going before he was sent off.
For three years Minseok trained and trained until sweat mixed with tears, and tears with blood. But he always felt the emptiness deep inside him. There was no finding Luhan, his mother made sure of that, but even if she took everything else away she could never take the memories.
Or the dreams.
His mother might be what started this dream of singing for the world, but somewhere along the way it all became for Luhan. As Minseok stood in front of a crowd, he just closed his eyes and thought of Luhan. Of all the times they sat down in the grassy field where they played soccer, of all the times they laid side-by-side and Minseok sung to him.
Those were the times he felt like he could actually do it, that he could make it through the pain because Minseok knew. He knew that Luhan would hear him.
He had to.
Minseok knew he wasn't famous yet, but he would get there. When he officially debuted he would take the world by storm, his voice would reach Luhan. He didn't work hard for nothing, he would reach Luhan. No matter where he was.
"So I heard we were getting some more trainees today," Jongdae said from across the room, but when he only got a hum from Minseok as an answer, he tried again. "Some of them are supposed to be pretty good." When he still didn't get much of a response out of Minseok he slightly pushed out his bottom lip in a pout, made his way over to Minseok.
"What do you want the most in life, Minseok?" Jongdae asked as he plopped down on the floor next to him in a sweat heap.
Minseok didn't know if he wanted to smile, or cry at how familiar that question was. His heart felt like it was trying to remember how to beat again as bright eyes and an even bright smile forced its way to the forefront of his mind again. But he pushed it back until later.
Later when he was alone, and he could let himself feel all the feelings that Luhan brought with him.
"I want for my singing to reach someone" Minseok said slowly as he thought back to the tears he saw the last time he was with Luhan. "If he's hurting I want him to listen and know that I'm there, even when I'm not. I just want him to know that I remember, and I won't go anywhere. No matter what, we'll be together forever. Even if we're not."
"Hmmm," Jongdae hummed, and then turned to look Minseok full on. "Honestly, that sounds like a bunch a crap. Why not just be there and tell him that in person?" Minseok sighed as he laid back and looked up at the ceiling.
"It's complicated, Jongdae."
"No, that sounds like crap," he told Minseok as he laid back with him. "Un-complicate it, and tell him."
"It's not crap!"
"It is crap."
"Jongdae!"
"Crap, all the crap."
"I-"
"So much crap!"
"Oh my god, would you just shut up and listen!?"
"So you can tell me more crap?" Just as Minseok was about to jump on and strangle Jongdae, a voice cut through the quiet practice room.
"No, he's right. That sounds like a bunch of bullshit."
For a split second Minseok was almost scared to turn the few inches so that he could see this new-comer. How many times has he dreamed of that voice? How many times had he imagined see him again? How could be sure that this time it was the real deal?
How could he be sure he wasn't dreaming now?
But then he looked down at Jongdae and saw him peering around him so he could get a better look at the new guy, and he knew.
This is real.
As he turned around he felt like he was about to have a heart attack. Just like the first time he found him again, Minseok was shocked into speechlessness. He looked different but the same, just as he did all those years ago as he leaned against the door jam.
He had the same bright eyes that Minseok tried some many times to recreate in his mind, but it never did them justice. There would only be one him.
There would only be one Luhan.
"Luhan..." Minseok wanted to say so much more, but then Luhan smiled and so easily wiped everything away. With the smile still on his face he pushed himself off of the door jam and walked forward a few steps. His smile grew until his eyes disappeared into mooned shaped crescents, and he rested his hands on his hips.
"Since when did I become your new dream?"
Minseok couldn't stop it, but just like everything else when Luhan is involved he didn't want to either. He smiled as he stood up and made his way to Luhan. Just like his dream Luhan reached out for him, but this time he didn't disappear.
For once this was real, and dreams could never compare.
"From the moment we met you never stopped being it."
Word: 6229
Pairing: Xiuhan
Rated: PG-13
Summary: Minseok always knew there was a difference between Luhan and himself, but he never realized just how big that difference was until either of them didn't get a choice in anything anymore.
Author’s Note: Omg, did I just write something for my otp? Oh god, it feels like all the crap. Anyway, phrase two in the 10 prompt mission. I can’t believe this is twice as long as the last one. Let me just throw myself off a cliff now~ Oh and this was written on my phone, so don’t worry, I’ll be editing it as I go through and reread everything over, and over, and over again.
The first time Minseok meets Luhan is in daycare. See their town was small so all the little kids that were too young to go to be sent off to school went there. Kids from all social classes were all thrown into the same building without any real order, but that was okay. As long as they were safe while the parents went off to work for the day then it was okay.
Minseok was from the poorer side of town, but he never really knew any different. He's family never had much money so he learn how to go out with the other kids in his side of town and they found their own fun. As long as they could run freely then it was fun, so Minseok never really able to keep himself the cleanest.
Not that he care. If he was having fun then life was good.
Then he saw Luhan, a little boy with bright eyes and an even brighter smile.
On the first day of daycare Minseok walked in with his hand wrapped tightly around his mother's until he spotted his friends. With a smile to his mother, he dropped her hand and ran to them.
As long as they were there then there was no need to be nervous.
But as he ran to them and tackled them into a hug, he turned his head he noticed another boy. He had a loose grip on his mother's hand as she spoke with one of the adults in charge, and Minseok watched as the boy scanned the room with bright eyes. It almost seemed like this was the first time the boy had ever seen so many kids in one place, but that was silly.
Or so Minseok had thought.
Minseok continued to watch the other boy until the boy's gaze met his. Unsure of what to do from there, Minseok just stared until the other broke out into a grin then he turned his gaze away. Something was different about that kid, Minseok just didn't know what.
"Oh, it's another one of them," one of the boys from Minseok's neighborhood mumbled out when he turned to see what Minseok had been staring at. Minseok had been confused, but didn't really dig deeper into it. One of the girls had said something about playing hide and seek in the playground, so that meant time for fun.
The little boy with bright eyes could wait.
Days went by, and Minseok couldn't help but notice how alone that same boy looked. He didn't really seem like he fit in with anyone. He tried once to sit with a group of other kids at snack time, but one look at him had them finishing off their snacks and heading out to play. Minseok kind of felt bad for the boy as he watched his bright smile fall off. He also didn't understand why they all treated him that way, it just didn't seem fair. Which is how he came to be holding two strawberry milks as he made his way to the far end of the room where the boy with the pretty face sat alone.
When Minseok came to a stop a foot or so from him, he realized then that he really didn't know what to say. Luckily enough the boy seemed too focused on drawing that he had yet to noticed Minseok standing there, but it was only a matter of time before he looked up at Minseok with big confused eyes and a sad smile hovering at the edge of his lips. Without really thinking, Minseok thrusted the little carton of milk at the boy.
"I'm Minseok, and I thought you looked lonely," he told the boy as he sat down beside him and ignored the questioning look he was giving him. He was trying to make friends and normally this came naturally to Minseok, but this boy was different and something about him threw Minseok off.
But thankfully the boy got what Minseok was trying for.
"My name is Luhan," he told Minseok as he smiled down at the carton, then smiled even brighter when he turned to look at Minseok again. "Thank you."
Pretty.
It took a few moments of him watching how Luhan's eyes rounded out to realize that he had actually said that out loud, but once he did his face colored in embarrassment. He grew an even deeper shade of red as he listened to Luhan surprisingly loud laugh before he stood up and pushed him over.
"Cut it out," Minseok grounded out. "Stop laughing or I won't be your friend!"
It took a few moments, but finally Luhan had stopped. Still embarrassed about his slip of tongue, Minseok took back the milk and told Luhan that he'd have to starve for his mistake, and sat back down right beside him as he opened his own carton and began to drink. He tried to ignore the way Luhan was still beaming, but it was hard to when Luhan started tugging on his sleeve.
"I'm not giving you the milk, you have to earn it back," Minseok told him sternly and he slid his gaze back to Luhan.
"That's not it," Luhan smiled. "Are we really friends?"
It took Minseok awhile to answer because he didn't know how. Didn't he just say they were? Wasn't that enough?
"Uh... Yeah," Minseok said as he lowered his milk to the ground. "Didn't I just say we were? Or do you not want to be?"
"No! I want to be," Luhan all but shouts at Minseok, but when he notices his startled face he shoots Minseok an embarrassed smile of his own and sigh. "I've just never really had a friend. No one ever want to be. And this is the first time I've seen so many other kids in one place. So I don't think I'm very good at the friend making thing."
That hurt Minseok's heart, he never had problems being friends with others. His mother always told him to just be yourself and people will flock to you, so that's what he did. But he didn't understand why Luhan didn't have friends. He seemed nice enough and pretty too, so why was it so hard for him?
"Well don't worry," Minseok told him as he patted his head and handed him the milk carton again. It was fine, Luhan deserved it now. "I won't go anywhere. We'll be together forever." The smile that lit up Luhan's face when he said that warmed Minseok's heart. He knew he would do anything to make what he said the truth.
But Minseok didn't realize how hard it would be to keep that promise.
The first time Minseok realizes that Luhan and him weren't the same was on a rainy day in daycare. Rain never stopped Minseok and his friends from playing outside, none of their families had much money, so it was up to them to make their own fun. Besides they never really minded the mud, and by this time he successfully recruited Luhan into his circle of friends. So that meant the mud couldn't stop Luhan either.
Well that's what he had believed.
It wasn't that Luhan didn't want to either, he was all for jumping on Minseok and rolling around in the mud. Everything was going so well that Minseok didn't think for a second that this was wrong. It wasn't until he looked up at Luhan mud splattered smile, that he heard an ear splitting shriek. Both of them turned in time to see the woman that Minseok recognized as Luhan's mother stare at them in horror.
It was only a second, but in no time at all a woman had made her way over to the two of them and ripped Luhan from on top of Minseok. With a grip as hard as steel, she dragged him a few feet away before she started to shout.
"What in God's name do you think you are doing, Luhan!?" She shrieked as she shook him by his upper arm. As Minseok watched, he sat frozen in his spot in the mud until he saw the woman raise her hand. In almost a slowed down time frame, Minseok stared in horror as he watched the woman bring her hand down with blinding speed right across Luhan's face.
Minseok had never seen a parent strike their child, and he definitely didn't like the look of despair on Luhan's face with his eyes casted to the ground as the woman continued to yell.
"Do you have any idea how much those clothes cost!?" She demanded as she grabbed at Luhan's chin and forced him to look her in the eyes. That was about the time Minseok had enough of this. He didn't like watching his happy friend that was full of smiles, look like he was about to break down and cry in front of everyone. Just as he made to get up one of the other boys grabbed his arm and forced him back down. Minseok turned to tell him to let go, but the boy just shook his head and looked back towards Luhan and his mother, and soon after Minseok's eyes followed too.
Minseok didn't get it.
"How could you embarrass me like this, Luhan?" She asked him before she continued to pull him to the doors that led inside. "And how in the world can they let children behave this way? Is there no one watching you here? I swear this is the last time I'll have you come here."
At first Minseok didn't pay much mind to those words. He heard so many parents say those very words so many times before. But that didn't stop Minseok from running up to the window inside the daycare. Minseok stood there with his hand on the cold glass as he watched the woman force Luhan into a car. But for some reason Minseok couldn't get those works out of his head as the days passed and Luhan was no where to be seen.
For the first time Minseok felt his heart squeeze, and all he wanted was to have Luhan back. Unfortunately Luhan never did come back to daycare, and suddenly his days weren't as fun as they used to be. But Minseok would still sit by the window and wait for the black car, the one he came to recognize as Luhan's, to drive by.
It never did, but that didn't stop Minseok from waiting.
It wasn't until another rainy day that Minseok over heard the whispers of the adults in charge that he realized how hopeless this all really was.
"That's just sad to see. Look at how he waits for Luhan everyday. Doesn't he know that his mother withdrew him from the program?"
"Shhh! Not so loud. It's not our place to talk about it, and even if it was I wouldn't want to be the one to tell Minseok that. They always were so happy together, I couldn't be the one to tell him that Luhan wasn't coming back."
"You're right. Man, it must be nice to be rich. I mean, hiring a personal babysitter? That's crazy."
"I agree. But I heard it was more like a live in nanny. You know, so she could watch him at all times of the day."
Rich.
Minseok had never heard that word before, but without even knowing what it meant he still knew that was the reason everyone treated Luhan so differently.
Staring out through the rain splattered window Minseok decided he didn't like this "rich" very much. It made people act weird.
"Mom, what does rich mean?" Minseok as one day as he helped his mom bring in some firewood. She had said that they need to start storing up on it now, so that they would have plenty for winter.
"Rich?" She asked with a slight laugh in her tone as she placed her bunch of wood into the holder before turning to take the piece out of Minseok's waiting arms. "Well it could mean many things, but I'm guessing you heard it being used by someone referring to money?"
"I dunno," Minseok shrugged then brushed the wood bits off his hands by rubbing them against his pants. "I just heard the ladies at the daycare talking about my friend's family, and they used that word."
"Oh?" His mom asked with a smile as she picked him up and set him on the table top. "Which friend is that?" She asked as she turned away to wet a rag before turning back to wipe some left over dirt from his face. "Honestly, I want to know how you get so dirt all the time. You could be sitting in a spotless room and you'd still get dirty." Ignoring the jab, Minseok continued.
"His name is Luhan, and he has a really big smile," his mom smiled at Minseok's description of the boy, and squeezed his cheeks with the wet cloth before releasing him with a laugh.
"Then they mean money, dear," she told him as she turned to ring out the rag. "You're not really old enough to understand, but there is people in this world who don't live like us. We don't have money, we are what most consider poor. But families like Luhan's, they do have it, so they can live better lives." Minseok sat in silence for a little in thought as his mom took to cleaning, until he finally looked up and sighed.
"I don't think I like rich very much," he told her as he hopped off the table. "It makes people act weird."
But Luhan was different. He didn't act weird, he was just Luhan.
Minseok never forgot about Luhan either, but it wasn't until they were well into their third year of school that he saw him again. And this time it wasn't by chance. Luhan had looked for him.
And Luhan had found him.
"Minnie!" Minseok almost cringed at the nickname as he was walking home with some friends until he remembered exactly who it was that would alway call him that. Once the realization flooded through him, Minseok whipped around, but he was still too slow. With a crushing force, Luhan slammed into him so hard that they both fell to the ground hard.
"Lu-Luhan!?!" With a laugh Luhan sat up on Minseok's stomach and grinned down at the confusion in his eyes.
"It's nice to see you remember me, Baozi," Minseok hated that nickname the most, but he could never bring himself to tell Luhan that. Especially when he would smile down at him like was now.
"Of course I do," Minseok told him with a serious look. In fact Minseok never forgot Luhan's infectious happiness, or the broken look on his face the last time he saw him.
That look still haunted Minseok's dreams.
Minseok was aware of his friends’ confusion as the stood on the side lines watching them, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from Luhan. It had been years since he last looked at him, and so much had changed, but at the same time nothing at all.
It had been four years too long.
Minseok tried to say something, he really did, but then he saw how Luhan slowly closed his eyes, and before Minseok knew what was happening, Luhan had his arms wrapped tightly around him. Minseok couldn't move, but the really scary thing was that he didn't think he even wanted to. With Luhan there everything finally felt right, he didn't think he ever wanted to leave this behind again.
"I missed you, Baozi," Luhan whispered into Minseok's ear just before he pulled back and smiled. "We need to do something, but not later. Right now."
"Soccer," Minseok blurted out without really thinking about what he had said. That's where he was going with his friends now, and he just knew that he needed to share that with Luhan. He remembered the way Luhan's eyes shone when he ran around when they played hide and seek, and he just knew that he would love this too.
He would love it.
And he did.
All over again Minseok was struck by how pretty Luhan's smile was as he watched him from the side field. As Luhan made fast friends with everyone and ran so freely Minseok's heart felt ready to burst.
Rich.
Minseok now knew what everyone meant by that now, and still he hated it. Luhan was just Luhan. His parents’ money didn't matter to Minseok, and it never would. The only thing that mattered was Luhan's heart stopping smile and bright eyes.
"I won't go anywhere. We'll be together forever."
As Minseok thought back on that careless promise he wanted to cry. He felt bad for forgetting it, he felt even worse for not keeping it, but from now on he knew; he just knew.
He was never going to break that promise ever again.
"Baozi!" Luhan shouted as he waved him over fanatically. "Let's play already!"
Minseok couldn't hold back his smile when he saw Luhan jumping all around just to get him to hurry up, but he didn't want to anyway. With Luhan he never would hold back.
As long as Luhan fought for this friendship, Minseok never would give up on it either.
But just like everything else, Luhan's mother found out about the after school soccer games. And just like daycare, she did everything she could to put a stop to this too.
Only now Luhan and Minseok was a little more rebellious than they were back then. It got to the point where Minseok would show up outside Luhan's school, and as soon as Luhan saw him he would skip out on class and to scaled the wall just so they could kick a soccer ball around for a few hours.
But hey, at least it wasn't anything illegal.
Years passed like this, and as much as Minseok tried to hold it in, he couldn't. He couldn't help but feel like it wasn't enough. He wanted more than just a few days a week with Luhan. It was fun at first, but now Minseok wanted more than stolen school hours together. He wanted to hang out with Luhan in town. He wanted to see how Luhan's hair and eyes looked at sunset.
He wanted to see if Luhan's eyes shone like he dreamed they did under the street lights.
But he'd never say that to Luhan. He knew he was trying, he knew how hard this was on him. Minseok knew it all. He knew how much Luhan would never admit to either, he knew Luhan's mom came down hard on him about all of this. And no matter how much she stepped it up, Minseok and Luhan would find a way around her extra security.
There was no stopping them.
"What do you want more than anything in the whole world, Baozi?"
Minseok hated that name, but he'd never tell Luhan that.
"To sing songs that touch people's hearts," that had always been Minseok's dream, ever since the first time he sung to his mother and it brought tears to her eyes. He wanted to sing his heart out for her.
"That's so you," Luhan whispered out, chest heaving up and down as he laid in the grass right next to Minseok.
"Well what about you?" Minseok asked as he turned to look at him. Luhan was always beautiful, it was just one of those things that Minseok would never get used to.
There was just no getting use to Luhan.
Minseok watched as Luhan's eyebrow creased and his lips turned down.
"I don't know," hearing that Minseok's heart clutched again. It was a common feeling that came with talking about Luhan's future because they both knew that Luhan had no say in it. Minseok wanted to change that, but he was old enough now to know that he didn't have the right it the power to do anything about it.
"But..." Luhan started and took a deep breath before he turned and shot a small smile at Minseok. "But I think that for now, more than anything, I just want to stay here with you."
Even if it was pointless, Minseok thinks that Luhan understands how he feels.
In their junior year Luhan's mother finally decided that if she wanted things done, than it was best to do it herself. She found out where they would run off together, and just happened to have the best kind of timing ever.
See Minseok and Luhan had a special connection. One where they didn't need to say anything, they just understood.
So in tenth grade when Minseok walked Luhan back to his school and pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard they both knew. It wasn't just an "I like you" kiss. No, this was an "I wish things were different" kind of kiss. One that said that they wished they could to out, that Minseok could take Luhan out to eat cheap food from the food stalls on the streets late at night. That he could actually see how Luhan's eyes shine in the dark instead of dreaming about it all the time.
And as Luhan pulled him in to kiss him harder Minseok knew; Luhan felt the same.
But today he was happy, he had something to tell Luhan, but not only that. He wanted Luhan to be the first to know. He wanted Luhan to be happy with him, and Minseok was sure he would be.
It just so happens that when Luhan tackled Minseok to the ground on their weekly sneak out, this time things got pretty heated. As Luhan hovered over Minseok, he ran his hand under Minseok's shirt and Minseok pulled him down hard. Lips slid over each other, and if it wasn't for the almost deafening loud throat clear than Minseok is sure he could've stayed like that forever.
But no one else knew about this place, and even if they did no one would be there at this time of day.
So when Minseok pulls back enough to peek around Luhan's shoulder his blood runs cold, and he has this horrible urge to throw whatever was left in his stomach from breakfast up. Realizing that Minseok was no longer moving along with him, Luhan too pulls back to look and he notices pales to.
Off across the field stood the one person they tried the hardest to keep any of this from.
Luhan's mother.
They both sat motionless as she stared the both of them down. Neither of them knew what to do from there. They didn't want to move because that would mean a faster end to this; whatever this was. But they couldn't stay like that forever. Just as Minseok was going to whisper something, anything, into Luhan's ear, his mother started to make her way towards them.
Then is when they finally moved. Jumping apart at lightening speeds, they stood up and were able to straighten out their clothes before she came to a stop two feet from them.
As Luhan kept his eyes to the ground and his mother kept her glare trained on his face, Minseok grew steady more uncomfortable. Words, Minseok liked words, but when it came to the two of them there was just silence until one snapped. So before things reached that point Minseok wanted to say something. Hopefully to smooth things over? Or to just defuse things a little.
Anything was better than nothing, right?
Minseok thinks the person that came up with that saying apparently never met someone like Luhan's mom.
Just as Minseok opened his mouth to say something, she cut him off with a raised hand and a deadly glare.
"Don't," she said in a tone of steel. "I rather not even look at you, let alone listen to your disgusting voice." Hearing her say this shocked Minseok into silence, but it seemed to snap Luhan out of his.
"Mother!" He shouted as he snapped his gaze up to meet hers. "You have not right to talk to him that way! Apologize now!"
"I have no right?" She questioned Luhan as she took a step closer to him, and Luhan surprised even Minseok when he didn't back down. If anything he stood taller as he met her glare with one of his own. "Because of his influence he has you running around and ruining your life, and for what?! For a romantic fling!?"
"He doesn't have me doing anything," Luhan ground out as he looked her in the eye. "If anyone as me ruining my life, it's you. It's all your rules and expectations that are driving me over the edge. Minseok is the only good thing about my life here. He isn't a romantic fling either, I love him." Minseok hated the way that, even in this situation, those three words could still make his heart race.
He was right from the beginning, there was no getting use to Luhan.
"I won't allow that," she all but growled as she casted a glare at Minseok. "I will not let my only son ruin his life because he thinks he's in love with another man!"
"You can't stop me," Luhan told her as he reached for Minseok. Only to stop when her next words reached his ears.
"You're still a minor, Luhan. Or have you forgot?" She asked and smiled when she saw him hesitate. "You live under my roof, you follow my rules." Minseok the fear in Luhan's eyes as he stared into his own, and he wanted nothing more than to hold Luhan. Only he felt like that would only make this so much worse.
"I could move out," Luhan tried to say, but they both could hear the doubt in his voice.
"With what money?" She said, hitting the nail right on the head. "It's all your father's and mine. Or do you plan to move in with this boy and his mother?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "She's almost had her house seized multiple times for failure to pay bills, do you really think they can take on one more mouth to feed?"
The truth stuck them deep, Minseok would love to take Luhan in, but even with his part time job there still wouldn't be enough to pay for him. Luhan could get a job, but Minseok was sure she would do everything to stop that from happening.
"You are to come home for dinner tonight, and your father and I will disgust what we will do about you," and with that she turned and left. Leaving the cold and empty feeling of hopelessness in her wake.
It wasn't until her car was gone from their sight that Luhan's legs seemed to give out, and he fell to the ground cradling his head in his hands.
"What am I going to do?" He asked as he shook, not really expecting an answer.
An answer that Minseok didn't have.
All Minseok could do was kneel down next to him and rub soothing circles into his back numbly as he kept his gaze trained onto the stop his mother's car disappeared.
"It's going to work out, Luhan," Minseok told him. "You're going to be fine."
"No," Luhan said as he kept one hand covering his face while the other reached out for one of Minseok's. "I'm not going to be fine, because we're not going to be fine. I'll never be fine without you, and I know her. She's going to do everything she can to stop this. I can't lose you, Minseok. Not now, not ever." Even if Minseok couldn't see his face, he still knew that Luhan was crying. Not because he knew his voice as well as he did, no. It was because it was taking everything in Minseok not to bawl at this very moment.
Luhan was always something that Minseok could barely hold on to, but now he felt like Luhan was being ripped from his grasp. It wasn't fair, but nothing rarely ever fair for them.
With a choked gasp, Minseok laid his cheek on top of Luhan's hair and let out a few tears of his own. Minseok didn't have to say it, they both knew.
Minseok couldn't live without Luhan either. They were just two parts of a whole, and Minseok couldn't even begin to imagine life without Luhan there.
Luhan was Minseok's other half.
"Run away?" Minseok asked as he sat beside Luhan on his bed. It wasn't often Luhan snuck out, but ever since the talk with his parents he's been on totally lock down. "You do realized how crazy that is right?"
"We could do it, Minseok," Luhan told him as he moved to hold his hands, and by the way Luhan used his real name, Minseok knew he was serious. "I know we could, it might be a little rough at first, but we can do it."
For a second Minseok imagined it, imagined the life with Luhan. Just them, by themselves. It would be hard, probably the hardest thing they've ever done, but Minseok knew he would be able to wake up to Luhan every morning, and that would make everything worth it. Just to see Luhan’s face first thing every day for the rest of their life, that would be a dream come true in itself.
But that's all it was, a dream.
"Luhan, we can't," Minseok told him as he looked him in the eyes. "I just can't."
"But why not?!" Luhan demanded as he griped his hands tighter. "Don't you want to be with me?"
"It's not you, Lu-"
"Then what is it!?" Luhan shouted as he threw his hands from him and stood up. "Did I just read this wrong? Do you not actually love me like how I love you?"
"Luhan, dammit. I love you, so sit down and listen," Minseok sighed as he pulled him back down on the bed before he intertwined their fingers. "My mom... She's sick Lu. I need to try and make some money to help her out." This isn't how Minseok wanted to tell him, but it was now or never. "And... I got in, Lu. That audition I went to a while ago, they finally called back and said they wanted me to join the company. I can make the money to help her now. I can do this Lu."
Minseok doesn't really know what he expected to happen when he finally told Luhan the news, maybe a pat on the back or a kiss. But he definitely didn't expect Luhan to look... heartbroken. Like hearing that just crushed his whole world.
"Lu..."
"No," Luhan whispered out. "This can't be happening..." They sat in silence for a few moment before Minseok was finally able to speak pass the lump that seemed to lodge its way in his throat.
"Luhan, why are you so desperate to leave now?" Minseok asked as him watched Luhan take deep shuddering breaths. "Why right now? Why not when we finish school?" Minseok watched as Luhan fell apart right before him, but he couldn't do anything.
Useless.
"I'm leaving, Minseok," Luhan sobbed out as he caved in on himself. "They're sending me away, and I can't stop them."
And there really was nothing that either of them could do. Just like that, Minseok's other half was ripped right out of his hands.
In the end Minseok couldn't keep his promise, and Luhan couldn't keep holding on. When Minseok said that his mom and him were barely getting by, he meant it. It took everything to just pay the rent, they couldn't afford extra stuff like cellphones or computers, so there really was no way to stay in contact with Luhan. And even when the years passed and Minseok was able to make a little extra, he couldn't just go and look for Luhan. He had no idea where to even start looking.
Luhan wasn't even told where he was going before he was sent off.
For three years Minseok trained and trained until sweat mixed with tears, and tears with blood. But he always felt the emptiness deep inside him. There was no finding Luhan, his mother made sure of that, but even if she took everything else away she could never take the memories.
Or the dreams.
His mother might be what started this dream of singing for the world, but somewhere along the way it all became for Luhan. As Minseok stood in front of a crowd, he just closed his eyes and thought of Luhan. Of all the times they sat down in the grassy field where they played soccer, of all the times they laid side-by-side and Minseok sung to him.
Those were the times he felt like he could actually do it, that he could make it through the pain because Minseok knew. He knew that Luhan would hear him.
He had to.
Minseok knew he wasn't famous yet, but he would get there. When he officially debuted he would take the world by storm, his voice would reach Luhan. He didn't work hard for nothing, he would reach Luhan. No matter where he was.
"So I heard we were getting some more trainees today," Jongdae said from across the room, but when he only got a hum from Minseok as an answer, he tried again. "Some of them are supposed to be pretty good." When he still didn't get much of a response out of Minseok he slightly pushed out his bottom lip in a pout, made his way over to Minseok.
"What do you want the most in life, Minseok?" Jongdae asked as he plopped down on the floor next to him in a sweat heap.
Minseok didn't know if he wanted to smile, or cry at how familiar that question was. His heart felt like it was trying to remember how to beat again as bright eyes and an even bright smile forced its way to the forefront of his mind again. But he pushed it back until later.
Later when he was alone, and he could let himself feel all the feelings that Luhan brought with him.
"I want for my singing to reach someone" Minseok said slowly as he thought back to the tears he saw the last time he was with Luhan. "If he's hurting I want him to listen and know that I'm there, even when I'm not. I just want him to know that I remember, and I won't go anywhere. No matter what, we'll be together forever. Even if we're not."
"Hmmm," Jongdae hummed, and then turned to look Minseok full on. "Honestly, that sounds like a bunch a crap. Why not just be there and tell him that in person?" Minseok sighed as he laid back and looked up at the ceiling.
"It's complicated, Jongdae."
"No, that sounds like crap," he told Minseok as he laid back with him. "Un-complicate it, and tell him."
"It's not crap!"
"It is crap."
"Jongdae!"
"Crap, all the crap."
"I-"
"So much crap!"
"Oh my god, would you just shut up and listen!?"
"So you can tell me more crap?" Just as Minseok was about to jump on and strangle Jongdae, a voice cut through the quiet practice room.
"No, he's right. That sounds like a bunch of bullshit."
For a split second Minseok was almost scared to turn the few inches so that he could see this new-comer. How many times has he dreamed of that voice? How many times had he imagined see him again? How could be sure that this time it was the real deal?
How could he be sure he wasn't dreaming now?
But then he looked down at Jongdae and saw him peering around him so he could get a better look at the new guy, and he knew.
This is real.
As he turned around he felt like he was about to have a heart attack. Just like the first time he found him again, Minseok was shocked into speechlessness. He looked different but the same, just as he did all those years ago as he leaned against the door jam.
He had the same bright eyes that Minseok tried some many times to recreate in his mind, but it never did them justice. There would only be one him.
There would only be one Luhan.
"Luhan..." Minseok wanted to say so much more, but then Luhan smiled and so easily wiped everything away. With the smile still on his face he pushed himself off of the door jam and walked forward a few steps. His smile grew until his eyes disappeared into mooned shaped crescents, and he rested his hands on his hips.
"Since when did I become your new dream?"
Minseok couldn't stop it, but just like everything else when Luhan is involved he didn't want to either. He smiled as he stood up and made his way to Luhan. Just like his dream Luhan reached out for him, but this time he didn't disappear.
For once this was real, and dreams could never compare.
"From the moment we met you never stopped being it."