don't read this if you hate whining.
today at west side a girl asked me if i was sick, because i looked it. i said "i do?" and she said "nevermind... you've always looked tired whenever i see you."
i can't argue with that.
what can i say? i've lacked inspiration in everything since about 9th grade, but it started getting worse during the summer, and by september my apathy rose to its peak. and its still there. which sucks, because i've been given so many cool oppurtunities. like boces. i suck at boces. i haven't put work into anything, and whatever i have been doing is just... crap. same as the show. and all of my classes. and all of everything. i don't even brush my hair anymore. i kinda just take a shower, stand there for a ridiculously long time, get into clothes, sit on my bed for a while, and then eventually fall asleep. however my hair turns out in the morning, i either leave it down or throw it in a ponytail.
in short? i've made a promise to myself to start caring again, because i'm really wasting chances. this boces alum who is now in chicago came to teach a class and then we talked to him afterward. he talked about how he could have worked 100% harder there, and that we should all grasp this oppurtunity.
is laziness a disease?
in related news, i've decided to stop trying to be friends with people. i mean, keep in touch with people. the people that i'll call but they'll never call me, or i'll leave messages that they won't answer. and whenever i see them it's only because i made the plans.
and i don't want to have to worry that everything i say or do will offend someone, especially if they won't tell me if it offends them. if i hurt you, tell me so i can fix it. but i'm not gonna fucking walk on eggshells anymore, thank you very much.
incidentally, i want to use the words "thank you" more and the word "fuck" less.
it's funny to look at who i call now when i need a friend, and it's not who you would think.
i'm okay with that.
i'm happy with how that aspect of my life kinda fell into place, thank you very much.
the list of things that i want to do, but i'm not doing because i've just been so tired for the past few months, is really, really long.
i guess that's what winter break is for?
speaking of winter break, if you're coming to my party let me know. if you don't know what i'm talking about let me know.
p.s. this party is starting to remind me of why i stopped having the annual new years eve party.
but i still love you
kinda
i can't argue with that.
what can i say? i've lacked inspiration in everything since about 9th grade, but it started getting worse during the summer, and by september my apathy rose to its peak. and its still there. which sucks, because i've been given so many cool oppurtunities. like boces. i suck at boces. i haven't put work into anything, and whatever i have been doing is just... crap. same as the show. and all of my classes. and all of everything. i don't even brush my hair anymore. i kinda just take a shower, stand there for a ridiculously long time, get into clothes, sit on my bed for a while, and then eventually fall asleep. however my hair turns out in the morning, i either leave it down or throw it in a ponytail.
in short? i've made a promise to myself to start caring again, because i'm really wasting chances. this boces alum who is now in chicago came to teach a class and then we talked to him afterward. he talked about how he could have worked 100% harder there, and that we should all grasp this oppurtunity.
is laziness a disease?
in related news, i've decided to stop trying to be friends with people. i mean, keep in touch with people. the people that i'll call but they'll never call me, or i'll leave messages that they won't answer. and whenever i see them it's only because i made the plans.
and i don't want to have to worry that everything i say or do will offend someone, especially if they won't tell me if it offends them. if i hurt you, tell me so i can fix it. but i'm not gonna fucking walk on eggshells anymore, thank you very much.
incidentally, i want to use the words "thank you" more and the word "fuck" less.
it's funny to look at who i call now when i need a friend, and it's not who you would think.
i'm okay with that.
i'm happy with how that aspect of my life kinda fell into place, thank you very much.
the list of things that i want to do, but i'm not doing because i've just been so tired for the past few months, is really, really long.
i guess that's what winter break is for?
speaking of winter break, if you're coming to my party let me know. if you don't know what i'm talking about let me know.
p.s. this party is starting to remind me of why i stopped having the annual new years eve party.
but i still love you
kinda