(no subject)
So I got my Psych midterm back and I got a solid B, which made me happy. I knew a lot of the answers, but some of them stumpped me, so I guess thats a pretty good grade. No one in my class failed. I really love my professor and I tried to look for classes with her again, but I can't find any, which kind of made me sad.
Today I had the viola lesson from hell. it was the worst thing ever. It seems that no matter how I practice, I don't get any better. My teacher gets frusterated, and then I get angry because I'm not pleasing him. I'm pretty sure that he thinks I'm not trying. The sad thing is, that I just started my 3 octave scales...yes thats how far behind I am. I hate the music I'm playing, and if that isn't motivating enough, all he does is pick...I'm trying ok! today it was my strings, and how they don't seem to be responding to me. Last week and the whole last two quarters it has been, that maybe I should shop for a new bow. I'm pretty sure he doesn't get that the one I have is expensive. I spent forever trying to find it and I even made them weigh it so it matched my other one. it also has sentimental value because my grandpa bought it for me, and it shows that he's supporting my viola playing....it just never ends. I dread going to my lessons, and I actually hate playing now. Its like they've killed every ounce of love I had for it. I realize that they are trying to weed people out. But I'm so determined and hard headed that I'm trying not to let it get to me. I've cried more this year then I think I have over anything else. I have friends and I'm not unhappy at school. I'm unhappy that I'm trying to pursue something that I used to love, and now it takes everything I have to go to these dreaded events. I was walking the other day with these people and all they did was gossip about people in the department and how bad they are doing and who isn't very good. I then realized that if I wouldn't have been there, I would have been a part of that conversation. I have no will to try. I want a college education. My mom didn't finish college because she didn't have the money. My mom has a good job and a family. What is so wrong about that? I know that people today can't function without a college education. But what is so wrong with being a mom? I would love to have a career, but I never would put it before my family. I know when this happens I will truly be completely happy.
I also have realized that when people try to get closer to me, I seem to pull away. Its like I can't feel certain emotions. Its like I've been traumatized. Example: Someone at school is really nice to me, but they are so nosy all of the time and I feel like they're are prying when they ask me about things. I realize that they probably just want to get to know me better. Mostly everyone knows me as the fun person that makes people laugh. I never give anymore though. it seems I run at the thought of certain things, and I don't let people access what they really want. This is why things never happen to me, and I never know about things. I don't ask and I don't I really want to know...is this sad?
There is so much more, but I will not bore you with many other petty things....
P.S. Erin make sure you get some dump cake, I took a whole pan to your house tonight.
Today I had the viola lesson from hell. it was the worst thing ever. It seems that no matter how I practice, I don't get any better. My teacher gets frusterated, and then I get angry because I'm not pleasing him. I'm pretty sure that he thinks I'm not trying. The sad thing is, that I just started my 3 octave scales...yes thats how far behind I am. I hate the music I'm playing, and if that isn't motivating enough, all he does is pick...I'm trying ok! today it was my strings, and how they don't seem to be responding to me. Last week and the whole last two quarters it has been, that maybe I should shop for a new bow. I'm pretty sure he doesn't get that the one I have is expensive. I spent forever trying to find it and I even made them weigh it so it matched my other one. it also has sentimental value because my grandpa bought it for me, and it shows that he's supporting my viola playing....it just never ends. I dread going to my lessons, and I actually hate playing now. Its like they've killed every ounce of love I had for it. I realize that they are trying to weed people out. But I'm so determined and hard headed that I'm trying not to let it get to me. I've cried more this year then I think I have over anything else. I have friends and I'm not unhappy at school. I'm unhappy that I'm trying to pursue something that I used to love, and now it takes everything I have to go to these dreaded events. I was walking the other day with these people and all they did was gossip about people in the department and how bad they are doing and who isn't very good. I then realized that if I wouldn't have been there, I would have been a part of that conversation. I have no will to try. I want a college education. My mom didn't finish college because she didn't have the money. My mom has a good job and a family. What is so wrong about that? I know that people today can't function without a college education. But what is so wrong with being a mom? I would love to have a career, but I never would put it before my family. I know when this happens I will truly be completely happy.
I also have realized that when people try to get closer to me, I seem to pull away. Its like I can't feel certain emotions. Its like I've been traumatized. Example: Someone at school is really nice to me, but they are so nosy all of the time and I feel like they're are prying when they ask me about things. I realize that they probably just want to get to know me better. Mostly everyone knows me as the fun person that makes people laugh. I never give anymore though. it seems I run at the thought of certain things, and I don't let people access what they really want. This is why things never happen to me, and I never know about things. I don't ask and I don't I really want to know...is this sad?
There is so much more, but I will not bore you with many other petty things....
P.S. Erin make sure you get some dump cake, I took a whole pan to your house tonight.