maybe he wouldn't be gone.

[caity_lin55]

i just got home from fair.
the one real thing i look forward to all year.
it's over with now.
fair was fun, don't get me wrong.
it just wasn't what i expected.
really, it wasn't.

i ran well.
my horse was generally very good.

my friends were all there, as expected.
i partied a little.
not much.

saturday night,
mr. haas brought timmy's truck up to the pull.
we sat there for twenty minutes just holding each other and crying in it.
some part of me thinks that fair would have been just as good as normal if he was here.

i'm starting to see more and more of "rip timmy" and all of the window stickers and wrist bands and shirts.
which is wonderful, it shows how awesome he is and how much he is missed.
it's never really bothered me before until now.
i shouldn't have to see things telling him to rest in peace.
he should be here. not resting in peace.
i don't know. it's just something that's bothering me i guess.

i've been so down lately.
i don't really understand it.

well, i guess i do. i just won't admit it.

timmy, please help me.