but if you love me
i write in this because i have no life. that being said, today i did pretty much nothing just like the days before. ok i lied. i went to school and wasted time and went to work around 1. sometimes i really hate it, for the following reasons: everyone thinks its cool to pick on me. they dont take me seriously. and they dont appreciate me. sometimes i wish they'd fire me, just to see if they would really do it. i mean i know they wouldnt, but they act like i dont do anything, so fire me, whatever, ill work at fucking nestle tollhouse for the rest of my life, and be a MANAGER. ahh sike. i really love all of them, but im just tired of being picked on. also, i hate christmas, i try to trick myself every year into thinking that i really like it, but i really dont. i just dont have the spirit. first of all, everyone is so damn pushy during the holidays, they're all stressed out buying people shit that they'll probably use for like 2 years and throw out. stuff is not important, actually i'd be quite content not getting anything for christmas. then i wouldn't have to stress about what to get them. and i almost got ran over by a stroller at target the other day by a crazy mother trying to buy her kids toys. and the cold weather is getting to me, it makes me nothing but depressed. every morning i wake up and really hate waking up, it shouldn't be like that. it just puts me in a bad mood to get up and go to school every single day. i feel like i've graduated and i dont really go. i get there right before the bell rings and leave right after 2nd. i dont walk around and basically the only person i talk to is shane. sometimes i cant believe i go to school with these kids. it really scares me. i feel like i should be loving my senior year and sad that im leaving all my friends. but i really have no friends that go to my school anymore, i'm not missing anything. i live for the weekends. tomorrow is jaimies 18th birthday! i'm the only minor left. and i still have 8 months. shes going to bar norfolk tomorrow and i really wish i could get a hold of a fake id. its going to be like this for 8 months. aghh i just cant wait til june to graduate. it really cant come fast enough. i dont want to take senior pictures or pick out my fucking graduation announcements, i just want to get the hell out of there. on a better note, my parents are going out of town next week. for some reason, my dad feels the need to tell me every single weekend that i "better not get a DUI because i'll let you sit in jail for the night". he told me i could get a DUI for having an open container, which is LUDACRIS because thats a totally different charge. he always thinks hes right, which pisses me off, because i always think i'm right. last week i read a book by sabrina ward harrison. if you dont know who she is, you really should check her out. shes an artist and a writer and has designed some things for anthropologie. its in the self improvement aisle of barnes and noble. so i really feel like a loser going back there, but i swear shes good. i think she just writes a lot of things that remind me of myself and its kind of cool. anyway, i need to stop talking, i feel like a doucheeeeeeeeeeeeee.