<3~~~Heart is scarred by dual volitions, Juxtaposed and both engaged~~~<3
That was in florida, i cant believe that was almost 2 years ago....damn haha.
So this weekend was quite fun....i think? friday night was sofia's party which was quite fun then saturday i did some stuff and saw haste the day with my cousin!!!!! to bad haste the day like didnt do taht well and didnt even play my 3 favorite songs :(, i was sooo sad lol. and then i spent the night at rachel's with stefanie ha so much fun, we took a whole bunch of "whore pictures"
and so theres a sample....im sure there will be plenty more hahahaha....lol...yea then hungoutwith rachel all day today......when i got home tho i started having like the biggest "identity crisis" ever, like omg, i've always known who i was, that was a problem i like never had like i guess thats a typical teenage problem to not know who you are but i never had that problem....i always knew who i was.....at least i thought i was. but like all of my values and all that stuff like some of it almost left in the snap of a finger the other night....like is everything i say just bullshit? i dont even know....and like just aghhhh at least chuck helped me wtih this problem, i just like i dunno i have soooo many personalities its not even funny, for instance some days im just like emo and others im all spirited and what not and like i never minded it bcuz i never thought i would have to like "choose" one or the other .....but lately i've felt like i had to....and bcuz of that i jut like dont fit in with ne1 nemore i mean like guy wise, like i thought i was just like over the whole "hardcore" guy thing since i just like stopped talking to all those guys but like i've been talking to all these "jocks" (i hate to label but i dont know how else to explain it), and there just all so stuck up and such assholes and i just like cant handle that, yea sure their all fuckin hott as hell and waterpolo players and stuff, but like why do they have to be such dicks?? ha, yea....and now im like late, so i just dont fit in with ne of them nemore....and i made like the biggest mistake ever with kirk...he like didnt even want to talk to me lastnight, goddddddd i dont know im just so confused...like i thought that i really didnt like him like that but its like im dying without him now, and yaknow why?? i think its cuz i know i cant have him now.....and im to stupid and stuborn to just tell him how i feel, like i finally swallowed my pride and appologized to him for some stupid shit which is something i would never do....i have a lot of trouble applogizing lol, dude i jsut like dont even know...i just need to get out of these stupid crisis's, it jsut sux i had to ruin a good weekend by going through this stupid crisis. im pretty much over 47 which makes me kinda sad but lets face it, nothing was ever gonna happen, im jsut so afraid to let go of that feeling....like i dunno...i just get so scared that he'll start likeing me or sumthing the second i finaly get over him....doubt that would ever happen but u never know, my life is just unlucky like taht lol. ummm so yea, i dont even know, i lasted fine wtihout guys for a week and now im alerayd just like "I NEED A BOYYYY!!!!", lol im a nerd but wahtever its all good, chucks in mammoth right now :(. ummm im actually really tired so i think i shall go to sleeeeep nowwww goooooodnight.
Image marred by self-infliction
Private wars on my soul waged
Heart is scarred by dual volitions
Juxtaposed and both engaged
Kindle flame, a test of faith
Pray help me see it through
I put all my trust in you
Refine hate and love
Fall afresh on me
End this crisis of
Identity
Draw this darkness out like poison
Stab, retrieve, again decline
Help me drive the dagger deeper
Trace with me explicit line
Take this blade, a test of faith,
And strike me deep and true
I put all my trust in you
Refine hate and love
Fall afresh on me
End this crisis of
Identity
This is my voice, all shadows stayed this is my heart, upon the altar laid
Please take all else away, hear my cry, I beg, I plead, I pray
I'll walk into the flame, a calculated risk to further bless your name
So strike me deep and true, and in your strength I will live and die both unto you.